Congratulations, Nancy Botwin, you prove yourself the worst mother in the world for another week in "Weeds." Honestly by now you would think she's as bad as she can get, but no, it keeps going. In this episode she decides to move into Andy's bedroom and share his bed, not in the happy sex way but in the 'I have a new baby and I can't sleep way.' She then encourages him to take care of the baby for her since he's a new dad and all, but everyone knows this is just until Esteban gets off his behind and does what she wants. Then Andy will lose her and his new 'son' in an instant, thus proving that nice guys will always finish last compared to drug lord mobsters.

Andy and Nancy aren't just playing parents to itty bitty Steven though, because Shane's going through some troubles of his own. When the fourteen year old had a threesome with those two goth girls, he might have gotten an STD from them so he has to go to the doctor. Andy's supportive and understanding while Nancy snarks at him that you have to be a parent and not a friend, like she would even know. It turns out Shane has a yeast infection, which they didn't know men could get and neither did I, so you learn something new every day! This is only the start of Shane's problems this episode, but more on that later.

Dean breaks it to Silas and Doug that people hijacked him for his weed, and Silas punches him in the face. Then he resigns himself to starting over, although then Celia comes in flaunting her newfound I'm Pretty money ... while we all know it's because of the pot she stole from them in the first place. Lying, cheating, and stealing, that's how you get by on "Weeds!" Silas is a kind boy so he wishes her well, but Doug decides to get in on the I'm Pretty money. At first they won't let him in because he's a dude, but he calls sexual discrimination on that so soon he'll be selling beauty products. Heh.

Let's really not get into the relatively creepy scene where Nancy's breast milk pump starts working and she uses Andy to ... pump it out of her. There are some pretty uncomfortable scenes in this show, and that was way up there toward the top. Then they have to decide how to 'pleasure' themselves while sharing a bed and this is the most twisted brother-sister-with-naughty-feelings on TV ever.

Esteban is sulking at home and Pilar tries to set him up with the perfect politician wife. This leads him to realize he only wants Nancy and he goes to propose to her again. She doesn't get a chance to answer, because a dude with a gun comes up firing. The victim is always the most innocent person in the room, however, and this happens to be Shane. Andy sent him out there to spy and now he's got a bullet in his shoulder to show for it. Instead of this waking up Nancy to get the hell away from her mobster boyfriend for the good of her children, next week she'll probably marry him. Maybe even as Shane bleeds out in the car, but it's okay, because she has a replacement child now! Worst. Mom. Ever.

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"Weeds" is on Showtime Monday nights at 10 PM EST.

Weeds Cast: Mary-Louise Parker, Elizabeth Perkins, Kevin Nealon, Justin Kirk, Tonye Patano, Romany Malco, Hunter Parrish, Alexander Gould, Andy Milder, Allie Grant, more

Story by Chelsea 'Dee' Doyle
Starpulse contributing writer

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