'Two Jews On Film': By Joan Alperin Schwartz: When five different people get screenwriting credit for one film, you know something went terribly wrong.

And that's exactly what happened with the film 'Zookeeper', directed by Frank Coraci.  Five screenwriters couldn't make this film work.

When the film opens, we see Griffin Keyes (Kevin James) and his girlfriend (Stephanie), played by drop dead gorgeous, Leslie Gibb, riding horses along a beach, somewhere in Mexico.  Just as Griffin is about to propose to Stephanie, she breaks up with him. Her reason...Griffin is a 'zookeeper' and she wants a man that is so much more than that...

Okay, so we're suppose to believe that Stephanie...this beautiful, superficial woman would spend three years of her life dating a a short, fat man, with no money and no personality. Seriously??? 

By the way, not only does Griffin get one gorgeous woman to fall in love with him... He gets two. This storyline is even less believable than the talking animals.

Yes, there are talking animals... voiced by Stallone, Cher, Nick Nolte, Jon Favreau, Maya Rudolph and Adam Sandler.

The animals at the Franklin Park Zoo love Griffin.  When Griffin decides that the only way to win back Stephanie, is to quit his job and go to work for his brother's exotic car dealership, the animals panic.

They decide to break their time-honored code of silence and reveal their biggest secret to Griffin - They can talk. So to keep Griffin from leaving, they decide to teach him the rules of courtship - animal style.  Sounds cute? Trust me - it isn't.  

This is the first film I've ever seen where the animals are obnoxious.  Everything about this film annoyed me.  It's contrived, unoriginal and so not funny.

I'm sure parents will take their kids to see 'Zookeeper' and it will make tons of money, but that won't change the fact that this film is not "bagel worthy"..  John was kinder than me and gave it 1/2 for the special effects.

'Zookeeper' opens in theaters Friday, July 8, 2011.