'Two And A Half Men' - Season 9 Episode 7 - Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
Alan’s mother Evelyn applauds his tenacity in remaining ensconced at the beach house. He’s like a human barnacle, she says. But it’s good that he has a skill. She’s come by to tell Alan that Charlie had a secret bank deposit box, and inside the box was Charlie’s journal. She claims that was all that was in the box, but she’s sporting a man’s Cartier watch. She thinks Charlie would have wanted Alan to have the journal. Mother and son almost have a touching moment.
Mom Evelyn spots Walden on the deck. He’s just returned from surfing, and waxes poetical about the wonders of the ocean – and that you can pee in it and nobody notices. He’s glad to see her, as he’s looking for a referral for an interior designer. Evelyn just happens to know one – herself. Walden describes his ideal home – clutter free and energy friendly. Evelyn notes ‘a buttload of money’ as her most important criteria.
When Alan tells Berta that Charlie’s journal is amazing, she worries that he might want to publish it. That would interfere with her own plans for a Charlie biography, to be titled, “Man Whore.” Charlie’s journal contains insight into his life, with lines such as, “I just sent a girl home who told me she loved me, and I can’t even remember her name. What is wrong with me that I just have anonymous, drunken encounters night after night? Do I drink to fill the loneliness or to hide from the horror I’ve become?” Just as Alan wonders how he never saw the pain Charlie lived with, he reads, “I remember, her name is Rachel. I feel better now. I’ll reward myself with cocaine and an Asian hooker.”
Meanwhile, Jake is in the living room, working with his chemistry tutor, a young girl named Megan. Unfortunately, the only chemistry is between Megan and Walden. Later, Jake tells Alan that they have to get rid of Walden before he steals Megan from him. Jake wonders if he’s going to spend his life always losing girls to smarter, better looking men, and Alan says it’s a proud family tradition.
Evelyn returns with samples and pictures for “Young Thor’s” redecorating. Alan warns her that Walden is young enough to be her ancestor. She claims all she wants to pull out of his pants is his wallet. Walden calls her up to his room so that he can explain his requests for his bathroom: Carrera marble counters, a steam shower, and a Japanese toilet that sprays water and washes his tushie. His instructions for the bedroom itself are that everything should be ‘cooler.’ Oh, and walls that change color according to his mood. No can do, says Evelyn, but they can paint them white, and get him an industrial strength anti-depressant. He’s good with that.