'Two And A Half Men' Recap: How To Handle A Seven Year Old
If Walden wants Zoey and her daughter Ava to move in with him, Alan will have to move out. Since its Spring Break, Walden has the perfect opportunity to propose that Alan stay with Lyndsey for a week, just for a trial period. If Zoey moves in, the situation could become permanent, says Walden, throwing Alan into a panic.
Berta’s not thrilled about having a child around the house either, and says she’ll just take the week off. Walden assures her that Zoey will take care of Ava; there will be no extra work for Berta to do. And Walden thinks that he’d better see what it’s like to live with Ava. After all, he’ll be her stepdad should he and Zoey get married.
Berta has a cautionary tale for Walden. “Once upon a time, a cute little boy came to stay in this house for a few days. Maybe you’ve met him. He’s the pot-soaked, masturbating couch potato who eats all your cookies.” Her point? “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I want a fully funded 401K and a Camaro.”
Walden tells her it’s just for a week, and Alan will not be around, as he’s asked him to leave. And if she doesn’t want to do it, he’ll find another housekeeper who’s willing to do very little work, for a very large salary, in a Malibu Beach house. Berta thinks he’s mean, but caves.
Ava and Zoey arrive. Ava and Walden are both very excited, but Zoey is terrified, because if their experiment doesn’t work, their relationship will probably be over. Alan’s reluctantly leaving for Lyndsey’s. Zoey is very snide, making cutting remarks about how nice it is that Alan is allowing Walden to use his own house. Alan forces a commitment from Walden that he can return in a week.
At Lyndsey’s, Alan and Lyndsey have the place to themselves, since both of their sons are with their other parent. They can do anything they want – and she wants him to fix the toilet in the guest room. No, it’s not sexy role play – she really wants him to fix her toilet. And she has a whole other list of fun things they’ll be doing this week.
Meanwhile, Zoey’s forgotten to bring a few things, so she needs to go to the store. Walden says he’ll watch over Ava while Zoey’s gone.
As Zoey’s breathing the “sweet, sweet smell of freedom,” Walden’s discovering the tiny little span of attention of a seven year old child. The dreaded words “I’m bored” are just the start of the fun. Dancing, a tea party, piggy back rides, puppet shows , and a lengthy game of hide and seek just barely keep Ava ‘s attention. Walden scrawls “Kill Me Now” in his finger painting project.
At Lyndsey’s, Alan can’t find a fuse to replace a blown fuse in Lyndsey’s electrical system, so he puts a copper penny in its place. It works, but gives him a nasty shock. But Lyndsey will make it all better in bed, won’t she? Not until Alan investigates a suspicious noise downstairs. This turns out to be Jake and Eldridge, searching for pot. Alan’s nose gets broken when they fling open a door.
Walden reads Ava a bedtime story, and then struggles with her fear of the dark. He has to check the closet, and under the bed for monsters. And now she wants Pellegrino water, because she’s thirsty.
“Good morning. It’s breakfast time,” Ava informs Walden. But it’s still dark outside! Walden lets Zoey sleep in, while wondering how to make eggs benedict for the little lady. Berta arrives to find Walden face down on a table littered with breakfast products. Nothing he prepared made Ava happy. He’s depressed, and doesn’t know what to do.
Berta says he’s got to wait nine more years; if he’s lucky, she’ll run away with a drug addled bass player. If he’s not lucky, it will be a drummer.
Back from the hospital, bandaged and doped up on pain killers, Alan still wants to fool around with Lyndsey. She’s agreeable, but when she tries to pull down his zipper, there’s another accident. And it looks like Alan’s broken something else when he falls off the bed in pain. In a little while, he’s ready to try again. But Lyndsey smells something nasty coming from under the house. While investigating, Alan finds a not so dead possum, who takes a chunk out of him. Now Alan may have rabies as well.
Walden heads to a bar to drown his sorrows. Alan joins him there, and fills him in on his week. Walden’s problems seem pretty tame compared to Alan’s injuries. Walden’s tired. They assure each other that living with their ladies is ‘just great.’ But they fall together in a big happy hug when Walden suggests getting rid of Zoey and Ava.