Last week’s ‘True Blood’ left many of us hoping Pam would ignore her natural instincts as a maker and let Tara fry in the tanning bed, putting her and us out of misery. No such luck.

So what’s up this week?

Pam saved Tara and forbade her ‘as your maker’ from ever trying to kill herself again. You know what that means, right? We’re never getting rid of Tara. Thanks for nothing, Pam. Although, as someone who enjoyed Alcide telling Sookie to ‘shut up’ last week, I have to give Tara props for pretty much single-handedly getting all of Bon Temps on her side. Folks find out you turned your best friend into a vampire and they get a little nervous around you.

The only people who don’t hate Sookie right now are Jason and, inexplicably, Alcide, Jason I get. Even after she confessed to him he wanted to protect her (and he got Jessica to glamour Andy and make him forget about the entire thing) it’s tough to hate your kin. But Sookie killed Alcide’s ex-girlfriend and then lied about it. So, of course, he does what anyone would do, goes to the ex’s parents and lies about who killed her and then goes to Sookie’s to get drunk and screw.

I’m a little bit mad at Alcide this week.

There are three storylines, though, that make me even forget that I’m mad at Alcide because they annoy me so. THREE. Jason and Andy end up at some nightclub for fairies where Jason sees his cousin Hadley. Remember Hadley? She wasn’t very memorable and I can’t imagine anyone but Jason cares. Hadley warns Jason that Sookie needs to stay away from vampires and told him he should bring her there for safekeeping. Some busybody fairy ushers Hadley away, which gets Jason all cranky, and he and Andy end up getting tossed out of the fairy club. As boring as that was to write and read it was even worse to watch. Poor Sam gets saddled with another storyline that we are destined to not care about: His shifter friends show up at Merlotte’s and ask him to go for a run with them. When he shows up for the run, he finds them both with bullet holes in their heads. We should care about these strangers why?  And, finally, do we care that Terry and his hot friend from ‘Scrubs’ are being held against their will at their crazy Marine-buddy’s place?  I hate that I hate Terry’s storyline so far because I love Terry…but these three storylines are boring me to tears. I expect more from you, True Blood.

Anyhow…add Lafayette to the list of people pissed at Sookie. He lashes out at her after she tells him he confessed to Alcide and eventually gets possessed by Jesus’s magic monster dude and puts a spell on Sookie’s car, forcing her to jump out of it at full speed just before it wraps itself around a pole. (As an aside, Sookie leaves the scene of the accident and then walks home to get drunk and make hay with Alcide with nary a bruise from jumping out of the car. I’ll accept that there are vampires, fairies, werewolves, witches and shape shifters in the world, but could we get a LITTLE reality when it comes to something as normal as jumping out of a car?)  Lafayette ends up feeling guilty and calls Sookie to tell her what he did but she blows him off for Alcide.

Meanwhile, Bill and Eric have been let loose on the world to go find Russell (who still hasn’t surfaced. What the hey, Alan Ball?) but really all they end up doing is going to Fangtasia where Eric attacks Pam to make sure she didn’t release Russell (in theory, only four people knew where Russell was: Eric, Bill, Alcide and Pam…Doesn’t Sookie know where Russell was? Doesn’t she make five? Am I making this up as I go along?  Are they?).  Pam has had enough of Eric and his moody crap, especially after all the Sookie stuff and she demands that he release her. Which he does at the end of the episode, but not out of anger, out of love, because he thinks it will protect her from Russell or the Authority or both, in one of the more touching scenes the two have shared.  Pam cried, I cried, heck I think Eric almost cried. Now Pam is free to be a ‘parent’ to Tara and hopefully make her a thousand times less annoying as a vampire than she was as a human.

Oh one other thing about Hadley and Jason. She let it slip that his parents were killed by vampires because of their awesome fairy blood instead of in the flood that Gram told him and Sookie took them. I suppose that’s important.

Not nearly enough Roman in this episode but what we got was pretty damn good. In a scene reminiscent of Al Capone in “The Untouchables” taking a baseball bat to one of his own, He got a great soliloquy before turning on the creepy kid/vampire in the Authority and staking him for being one of the Sanguinista.  Roman doesn’t suffer traitors lightly. This season won’t end without someone else getting staked.

Guess who decided to peek in on Sookie and Alcide?  Bill and Eric. Bill comes up with the brilliant idea to, essentially, use Sookie as bait to catch Russell and like THAT my faith in Bill is restored.

After getting kicked out of the fairy nightclub, two male fairies use the magic hands to disappear Andy and Jason…and we fade to black.


Cutest Couple:

I hated almost everyone this week so we’ll have to give it to Eric and Pam. When he released her as his progeny you could see the genuine fondness between them. I hope his releasing her doesn’t mean the end of their time on screen together because the show will suffer for it.

Best Line:

Okay it wasn’t the best line, but it stood out. “Die Human, you are food to us!”  Little kid/vampire on the video Roman finds. We don’t get to see the video, just hear the screams and this ridiculous line. I’m almost surprised they didn’t have him say, “I want to suck your blood!”.

Biggest Distraction:

On the other hand, I know it’s a show about vampires and as such is fantasy and nothing in it should bother me the way Roman staking the creepy-looking kid/vampire/chancellor dude did…but it did. Essentially, Detective Elliot Stabler just killed a kid and in my mind that would NEVER happen. Conversely, Christopher Meloni covered in blood was pretty damn hot. That entire scene just messed me up.

Biggest tease:

You know what would be great? If we could stop with all the yammering about having to kill/find Russell Edgington and actually have Russell on the show again. That would be great.

Closing credits song:

‘We’ll Meet Again ~ a kick-ass, brand new Los Lobos cover of the World War II-era song