Wow. I feel like we constantly say 'wow' at True Blood, and it will never stop happening. Remember when finding Gran dead was the most insane thing we'd seen on the show so far, and then Rene was the killer and then Maryann turned everyone into zombies, and last week Bill turned Lorena's head completely around while they had sex? Yeah, this keeps getting crazier. One thing I'd personally like to see is a werewolf clan that isn't crazy, because we've seen plenty of the V-addicted sorts, and Alcide and his sister Janice seem pretty solid and interesting all on their own. Let's not get a stereotype about all werewolves being blood drinkers worshipping vamps, alright? But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Sookie is patching up Alcide when she gets a call from Bill. Listen, even if you aren't a fan of the Bill/Sookie relationship, this scene is just painful to watch. He calmly and cruelly breaks things off with her, insulting her on the way and telling her about Lorena, and his eyes are dead while doing it. Anna Paquin is an actress not afraid of looking ugly when she cries, which makes Sookie's heartbreak so very real. She sobs and he hangs up on her, and Alcide tries to talk her down by sharing about how his crazy ex Debbie did the same thing. Only Sookie isn't going to give up there, because she's Sookie freaking Stackhouse. She is determined to go to the engagement party at the wolf bar, and asks Alcide's sister Janice to come 'wolf' her up for the event.

Janice is fantastic, by the way, and sweet. More of her please! Sookie gets from her that Debbie is hooked on V and that might be why she left Alcide. When she tells him he agrees to go to the event, and Sookie emotionally tells Debbie what she's doing to Alcide and how he loves her. He offers to take her, right then and there, and there is a flicker on Debbie's face where you think she might. But Coot her fiance comes by, just sleezing it up, and then they watch the Vampire King Russell give the werewolves his blood. They all start turning and Alcide tells Sookie to run. Oops. Getting herself in trouble again!

Know who won't come to her rescue? Bill. Because he's given in to the dark side completely. He does punch Lorena in the face and sulk around, giving up Sophie-Anne to the King and generally hating himself for the episode. He was kind of annoying as a broody vampire before, but now he actually has reason to brood he's a much more tolerable. The King makes him go hunt for a stripper and bring them to her for dinner, and they have a tragic conversation about love being pointless, and then he ignores Sookie's fear and feasts on the girl with the King and Lorena. He's become a sith! Nooooo!

Eric has a sultry dream about Sookie and then saves Lafayette from the rednecks that the cops raided with Jason a few episodes ago. These people might come in handy later, so keep an eye on them. Eric and Lafayette are as awesome together as always, and then Eric gets a call from Pam. The Magister is there. She tells him to run, but he can't let his precious Pam get harmed. It's nice to see a close look at their bond. Eric was so close to Godric, it's not surprising he picked a woman to turn that he loved and wanted around for centuries. While she's being tortured, Pam cries out that it was Bill Compton all along, and Eric agrees with it. The Magister tells him to bring Bill there in two days, or she dies. But without Pam who wil sass up the show just like Lafayette? Sniff.

Tara is officially kidnapped by her British vampire paramour Franklin, who is psychotic and strangely mesmorizing. James Frain is a talented actor; Franklin is awful, and yet you can't take your eyes off him when he's on the screen, even as you're wincing. He forces Tara to try and get information on where Sookie is, and then ties her up on the toilet all day. Jeez Tara will never get a break, will she? Not once. Then he takes her to Mississippi and clearly intends to make her his companion. He brings Tara to the King's house, so she's there now with Bill. Dum dum dum.

As for the rest, Sam hires Jessica as a hostess to keep her busy and give Arlene help. She's very good at it, but gets recognized by an old friend and has to brainwash him. Hoyt watches. Sam's family is living in his parking lot now, and he tries to offer a safe haven for his brother, but he says he can't leave without the others. Damn. Just say no, Sam. This is going to turn out so badly for you! Jason tries to blackmail Andy into letting him be a police officer now that Andy is the Sheriff.

What a wild episode. That two week break was far too long to lack some True Blood insanity. Also, Sookie? You might want to wear that wolf costume more often. You looked fantastic, girl! So what does everyone think? Is Alcide a new favorite potential love interest for the feisty blond waitress?