Well, that got things off to a rollicking start. Oh hai! This is the first True Blood Season 7 recap. Warm up your True Blood (you did stockpile some before the Hep V contamination, right?) in the microwave, have a seat, and allow me to fill you in on the salient points of this evening’s goings-on in Bon Temps.

Previously in Season 6 - A whole bunch of silliness happened. Bill became a vampire god and annoyed everyone. Eric made the evil governor’s daughter into a vamp. Jason met a really-old vampiress with boundary issues. Jessica ate most of Andy’s insta-aged fairy daughters (don’t ask) and met a boy named James in Vamp Camp (seriously, don’t ask). Sam met some girl and knocked her up. Pam was awesome. Sookie and Jason tangled with and ended up killing the fairyvamp (vairy?) that murdered their jerk parents. Eric caught fire. The human-engineered Hep V virus spread across the country via tainted Tru Blood, causing infected vampires to go nuts and start seriously feeding on humans. There was a time jump and Arlene owns Merlotte’s (now Bellefleur’s*sob*Terry*sob*) and Sam’s the mayor. Alcide and Sookie are a thing. Sam and Bill’s idea to protect Bon Temps against the Hep V crisis is to pair every human with a vampire for protection. And when we closed out Season 6, a whole slew of Hep V vamps were striding into a vampire/mixer at Bellefleur’s for din-din. Did I mention Pam was awesome?