All praise "Hanna" (hitting theaters from Focus Features on April 8!) – she does make a mean P&J 'fist' sandwich with the crusts cut off, doesn’t she? So kiddies, back for Part Two of our malcontent movie munchkins list? Well, if Part One didn’t send you home crying to mommy, then check out our final five feisty fiends that give Romper Room a whole new meaning!
5. Young Michael Myers from "Halloween" 1978
Everyone knows the man, the myth, the Shatner mask, but it’s frankly the inner demented child that has me freaked. The lethal task of donning a Halloween mask, collecting a very large knife and hacking your poor half-naked sister to death is a tad twisted for anyone to handle. But the fact that it’s revealed to be an expressionless young boy who should be out collecting teeth-rotting sweet treats instead of carving up a sibling pink pumpkin is just bad to the jack-o-lantern bone.
4. Gage from "Pet Sematary"
Such a cute boy. Such an innocent boy. Such an undead violent boy. So goes the life (and death!) path of baby "Pet Sematary" highway truck and bump victim Gage, a tiny tot who returns back from the grave a bit more rambunctious then usual. (Didn't the undead cat with glowing eyes brought back to life first give ANYONE pause?!) Look, when your little guy wants to play cut the back of the ankle with the likes of Herman Munster, maybe it’s nappy time.
3. Homer from "Near Dark"
Homer, the 'kid' of the unconventional vampire family in future Oscar winning Director Kathryn Bigelow’s "Near Dark," is a tad miffed. He is alone, tired and forever frustrated living out his days in the body of a small boy - all the while having man style impulses. (If you call smokes, booze and blood urges!) So he resorts to what every kid his age would do (and it ain’t legos folks!), namely mayhem, murder and then munching. (Hey, even pint size vampires got to eat too!) All thee while perturbed, hungry and horny, anytime of the night or day (especially when the sun is hottest!), Homer is literally a little man on fire.
2. Junior from "Problem Child"
"I hope you guys are insured!" Words of wisdom from one of the most vicious, ruthless and just plain demented orphaned kids to ever come out of a church. (Did Satan have a son?) With a good grip on family (dad teaches driving lessons – from the hood!), fair play (a mean girl’s birthday presents in the pool anyone?!) and belief in upstanding heroes (he even wears a neck piece in tribute to his pen pal - The Bow Tie Killer!), Junior is a "Problem Child" in every sense of the word – think Dennis the Menace with roman candles instead of a sling shot.
1. Esther from "Orphan"
To be first on this list requires an abundance of anger, a kick-ass constitution and a blatant disregard for human life on all levels – meet Esther. She may seem like a youthful, intelligent and sensitive little nine-year-old orphaned Russian girl longing for a family to belong to, but there’s much mayhem behind those eyes. And I’m not talking about some cheesy Macaulay Culkin in "The Good Son" evil, I’m talking about a wickedness that lingers and grows in the psyche like a fungus. Oh, there is something wrong with Esther all right – and it’s a secret I will NEVER forget. (The teeth, the damn teeth!)