The Worst Auditions:

“The Hot People Montage”

Set off by somebody who was “working his eyes” at Demi Lovato, ‘The X-Factor’ treated us to a montage of pretty people whose voices did not match their appearance.

It’s kind of a testament to how we judge people in this country and what always disturbed me about the Susan Boyle video. Just because somebody is pretty we naturally assume them to be gifted? And because somebody is dowdy it’s such a shock that they’re good.

So, supposedly we were supposed to think all these people were good. Instead, it was just a bunch of eye rolls and Britney nos. See! Pretty people aren’t always so great!


This was the incredibly cordial young fellow in the Where’s Waldo shirt that brought Britney a bouquet of roses from ProFlowers.

He sang Britney’s “Circus”. Well, he didn’t really sing it, so much as he screamed along to it at one of her concerts while tripping on bath salts. Only it was much, much creepier than that. Especially when he stood still after the audition with a wry smile asking to give Britney her flowers.

If you see the words “stabbed” “Britney Spears” and “crazed fan” in an article in the next few months, expect to see a picture of this guy.

Best of Simon:

“It was like you had an argument with Britney Spears, got drunk and decided to scream the song at her.” – said to everybody’s favorite stalker, Patrick.

“Somebody behind the screen is singing that song. Not you.” – said in disbelief at the 13-year-old wunderkind that was Carly.

“You’re like the Jersey Shore meets the Kardashians.” – to the bucket of rude that was Lexa Berman.

Of course, he never met the self-proclaimed “Kim Kardashian of Staten Island” that was Angeline on episode one of ‘The Jersey Shore’.

Ah, memories…

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