Since nothing else in the entire world is happening at all, the Gorgas and the Giudices are still arguing about when Melissa went to visit her father-in-law in the hospital. The general consensus is: yes, Melissa went to the hospital, but Teresa is upset that she waited four days to do so. Melissa is a rational human being who didn’t want to give her gravely ill, elderly father-in-law pneumonia, so she didn’t go right away. Semantics.

Kathy is busy being boring and talking to Rosie and her mother about the same situation. She never went to see her uncle in the hospital because of her own feud with Teresa. The problem is, nobody cares about this particular feud anymore because there hasn’t been any yelling to fuel it this season. Moving on!

Christopher and Albie have partnered up with friends to open their own restaurant in Hoboken called Little Town, NJ. Looks like BLK Water wasn’t lucrative after all? Caroline and Al come to visit the location and try some new menu items, but they’re a bit overbearing. They may own the Brownstone, but they don’t understand how a young, urban restaurant works nowadays. The boys will be fine. Let them go, mama bear!

Surprise, Melissa is writing a self-help book about maintaining a successful marriage. In her words, it’s a marriage bible – not a fake book like a cookbook, like SOMEONE we know has written in the past. Her editors have advised her to add more about her childhood and her experiences with her father dying when she was young; she reveals that her dad, although a great father, used to “go out for milk and not come back for two days.” If you know what I mean. Melissa had trust issues with men because of her dad, but it all changed when she met Joe.

Jacqueline hires a trainer to help her workout, since she can’t go to the same gym as Teresa, but she spends the whole session complaining about Teresa instead.

The Manzo boys have a change of heart and let their mom come back to the restaurant to try some more food. She does have experience running a successful business, after all. Just maybe stop reminding them that they need to fill their father’s shoes? She’s very proud.

Kathy is throwing a joint 49th birthday party for Richie and 19th birthday party for Victoria, because that sounds like the deadliest time in the history of times. But it turns out okay! They take a party bus to a club and everyone (minus Teresa’s family) is invited; they get drunk and party down. But things get a bit tense when Melissa tries to talk about the awkward encounter at Gia’s birthday party.

Caroline launches into her “wise words” mode and won’t let Melissa get her side of the story in edgewise; maybe Melissa’s intentions are good, and she really does want to mend things with Teresa? Caroline seems to believe that everything is about holding a grudge, but Melissa truly seems to want to move on. Kathy astutely observes that even though Teresa isn’t at the party, she’s the only topic of conversation.

When Teresa is working out at the gym, she notices Joe in the corner, lifting weights. She decides that even though they haven’t seen each other in over a year, now is the best time to reunite. And oh, the fightinggggg.

Joe starts by telling Teresa how he cries like a baby every night because he’s so sad about their crumbled relationship. She shoots back that Melissa is sometimes mean to her on Twitter. Okay. She also swears that she has never called Melissa a “prostitute, stripper, or whore,” despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, picked up millions of times by the Bravo cameras that are also filming her say this right now.

Joe digs a little deeper and tells her that he would never call his wife names, referring to the incident last season where Joe Giudice was caught on camera calling Teresa the c-word. Ouch. Teresa is unfazed; for some reason, it’s okay because he didn’t say it to her face. Joe tells Teresa that he would never call Melissa that word because she is “an angel from God,” and he respects her.

He gets a little more personal and questions Joe Giudice’s skills as a father as well. In his talking head, he says that if he could go back in time, he would stop Teresa from marrying him altogether. Heavy. Teresa is incensed, and storms out of the gym after throwing her water bottle in his face, then overturning a trashcan. He yells that she’s obsessed with Melissa, and she yells that he’s obsessed with Joe.

Maybe they’re obsessed with each other?

Grade: B+

Stray Observations:

- The fighting is the best that it has been all season, but it’s not quite up to RHONJ standards just yet. Where’s the table flipping? The weave pulling? The stripper accusations? It’s almost there, like it’s just under the surface.

- Should Caroline really be doling out advice to Joe and Teresa about their sibling relationship? As far as everyone is concerned, she and Dina are still not speaking to each other. Just because you have a radio show for a day, doesn’t make you an advice expert.