A British accent is sexy, but a date that won't stop criticizing you is not. From your dress to your hair to your dance moves - Simon would have a comment about everything. "You do not have the body for a dress that is cut like that." "It looks like a cat died on your head." "Was that a dance or a seizure?" Sure, people may be jealous that a multi-millionaire escorted you to prom, but the minute Simon opened his mouth, the jealousy would fly out the window. You'd be better off taking Paula Abdul while she's "on prescription meds."

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