On Week 3 of "The Celebrity Apprentice" the task is to create a 4-page advertorial for a Norton 360 and LifeLock product bundle. This snooze-fest of a challenge doesn't exactly get either team's creative juices fired up, and even a surprising twist in the boardroom feels like a reaction to what a big old bore it was. But I'm getting ahead of myself...
Before we even get to the challenge, we see WWE's Maria give a $20,000 check to the Make-A-Wish foundation via a child in the program whose wish is - can you guess? - to meet Donald Trump! Of course, young John Paul's wish will be granted and he'll meet Mr. Trump and the rest of the cast of "The Celebrity Apprentice." Now that's 'uge!
Back in task-land, Trump introduces two humorless executives from Norton and LifeLock who explain the challenge. Summer Sanders and Michael Johnson step up as project manager for Tenacity and Rock Solid respectively, and it soon becomes clear that neither Olympian has a real understanding of the task at hand or creative brainstorming in general. Their similarities in this respect make for a pretty even match-up on the task, and apparently compel them to treat the musician on their teams like special needs children.
Princess Summer's reign begins with the appointment of Sharon Osbourne as Queen of Tenacity and the face of their campaign. Cyndi Lauper is appointed jester and it's made clear that no one needs to validate anything that comes out of the fool's mouth at any time. Queen Sharon's profanity-laced rant pretty much sums up Summer's management style for a majority of the task. The arrival of the photographer and Don Jr's perfunctory "eyes and ears" check-in both pass before Summer can articulate the team's concept, or at the very least, come to the understanding that repeating the executives' talking points does not a concept make. The one gift we are given during Summer's regime, is another wonderful episode of 'Cyndi Lauper: Prop Girl,' a spin-off in the making if ever there was one. I would choose to watch Cyndi giving "the face" (droopy sad face with pouting lips and closed eyes a-flutter) and carrying oversized furniture over just about everything else on this episode.
On the flip side, I would choose to watch absolutely anything from this episode over the scene where Rod Blagojevich talks about being governor and prematurely ejaculating - metaphorically, but still… ewwww!
Putting that out of our minds forever, it is pretty clear that things are off to a rocky start for Rock Solid. Summer may not understand what a creative concept is, but Rock Solid's PM, Michael Johnson doesn't know what an advertorial is. Nonetheless, he does know that he wants Curtis to be the spokesperson for the team, since he's a chef and that's what's hot right now. The idea is to say that Curtis, with his Norton 360/LifeLock combo, apron, bleached blonde hair and frosted tips is tougher than an Olympic Athlete and WWE Champion (Michael Johnson and Goldberg, natch). Bret attempts to point out the lameness of this concept but gets shot down.
The men's team does give us two gifts this week, both of which do a nice job of illustrating how utterly moronic celebrities are when they try to act like real people. #1: Rod can't turn on a computer and types like a first-grader (and that's being generous about his skills). #2: Darryl Strawberry doesn't know how to function during the day like a normal person. (Yes Darryl, people actually work five days a week from 9AM - 5PM… and here's another thing that's going to blow your mind - they do this ALL YEAR ROUND!) In fairness, pretty much everyone but the PM's looks like they are going to fall asleep during this task. At least Darryl's candor makes lethargic somewhat entertaining.
Ultimately both teams get their acts together in time for the photo shoots. We see Holly Robinson Peete scrambling to put a PowerPoint presentation together. Bret hits on the graphic designer and insists he isn't creepy before Michael comes over and critiques Bret's work, insisting the task is to create something far less visually interesting. The writing is pretty much on the wall (in tiny letters that no one can read) as both teams go and present their advertorials to executives who seem to have lost their personalities while they were busy worrying about identity theft.
Rock Solid presents their concept, and the executives actually crack a smile while Curtis explains the decision to use him as the team's spokesman. That smile completely disappears during Michael's longwinded explanation of their unreadable, copy-heavy advertorial.
The women have their own issues - first the computer doesn't work and then Sharon coughs up sick all over the executives before assuming her role as bleeping spokeswoman. However, their ad is more visual and therefore far better than their opponents.
In the boardroom, Summer throws Cyndi under the bus for telling awesome stories and taking focus off of the task at hand. Michael tells Trump that Rod was the worst team member and Bret was better than he had expected. Trump shares both team's advertorials and Cyndi comments on the lack of visual appeal in Rock Solid's ad before Michael snaps at her and rudely says he understands Summer's point. Gavin Maloof (of the Maloof brothers who own the Palms in Las Vegas and have some connection to various members of the Lohan family) and Don Jr get Cyndi's back and tell Michael that she's right. The executives thought the same thing and chose the women as the winners of the task. Summer cries as Trump announces that she gets $20,000 for her charity, and cries more when she apologizes to Cyndi for throwing her under the bus. They hug and make up and sit down to watch another firing.
In the boardroom, it seems pretty certain that Michael is going home, until a bored, tired, and completely over-it Darryl Strawberry announces that he thinks he should be fired. Donald Trump does his usual bit about how anyone who has ever quit this show is still undergoing intense therapy to cope with their regret, but ultimately gives Darryl what he wants and sends the baseball player home.
Next week involves Cyndi Lauper chanting "Muggles and Wizards" over and over… which is already something to be excited about. See you then!