January: The Worst Month For Cinema
The month sometimes holds a few kernels of popcorn goodness. The two genres that perform well, or at least have been granted a few sleeper hits in the past decade, are thrillers and sci-fi/horror. Last year 'Taken' and 'My Bloody Valentine 3D' were stars among flops in January. Typically, as rabid consumers of cinema, we forget about January. Honestly, do any of you fondly remember titles like, 'Kangaroo Jack' (2003), or the poor man's 'Fast and Furious': 'Torque'? Exactly. January is also a dumping ground for studios to get rid of misfit movies. This year is chock full of them.
This is the saddest attempt to make money off of the vampire craze. If you do choose watch this one in the theater, you may want to watch your eyes for the dust that will have to be swept off the film rolls.
Image © Lions Gate Entertainment
Amy Adams is one of the best actresses in her age group. That begin said, this movie was not only marketed poorly (you'd think they would have waited for the gimmick of a leap year release), but is the black sheep of this year's romcoms. If you want to see a light, airy film about a girl who thinks about leaving her fiancé for a cute foreigner, wait for 'Letters To Juliet'.
'The Spy Next Door'
It hurts to merely read the synopsis of this one. It makes you yearn for the Jackie Chan of 'Rush Hour' or 'Shanghai Knights'. That's right- we'd rather watch a marathon of 'Shanghai Knights' over and over again, than watch Chan as an ex-CIA spy turned babysitter. It is too much like 'True Lies' meets 'The Pacifier'.
Image © Lions Gate Entertainment
If 'Leap Year' is a cheap knock-off of 'Letters to Juliet', than the same could be said about this movie and either 'Children of Men' or 'The Road'.
This fits the mandatory sci-fi/horror/thriller element of January, but misses in execution. If this were as good as the studio originally believed, it would have been released in May. Also, shame on them for wasting Paul Bettany (although we haven't decided if this is going to be as heinously bad as 'Firewall').
How cute, The Rock as a tooth fairy. At this point, it really feels as though the studio is standing in front of him with a wad of money saying, "Dance, monkey boy, dance!" Even The Rock is better than this.
When we first saw the TV spot for this movie we honestly thought it was a Lifetime Original Movie. Such an educated guess is usually a good barometer for the quality of the narrative. If we were mortified for Bettany and Adams, we just don't know how to feel for Harrison Ford. Then again, he was in 'Firewall' and 'Indy 4'...
'When in Rome'
While we feel repetitive at this point, there is nothing else to say about this movie. Considering there is a very low bar set for romcoms, the fact that this is able to limbo far, far below it is a deal breaker.
The casting of Mel Gibson aside, this has a grain of potential. We are waiting patiently to see if it is even close to the quality that was last year's 'Taken'-especially since it is using the same plot.
Story by Sarah Lafferty
Starpulse contributing writer
Follow Sarah on twitter at starbuckscout.
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