Pam and Jim are back on The Office! Their honeymoon was great. They tell camera there was another couple there on their honeymoon named Frank and Bennie and they call them "Frank and Beans." Of course they say "Frank and Beans" in a really weird voice which makes them laugh. They are also greeted by "Blindman McSqueezy," a character Michael has created in his improv class. The women in his class really hate McSqueezy considering his only gag is grabbing their breasts. Michael, wearing very dark sunglasses, is lead to Pam and Jim by Dwight. Michael feels Jim's chest and says, "Pam you're back." Then he feels Pam's face and says, "Jim it's you." Everyone is mildly amused. And that's where the joke should have ended but Michael being Michael keeps the gag running way too long. Pam sits at her desk trying to work when Michael walks up to her desk wearing the sunglasses and knocking things over. Pam turns to camera and says, "It's good to be home."

Dwight barges into Jim's office and complains that Jim has been using his desk as his personal pen receptacle space. He shoves a pen into Jim's holder. Then apologizes for not congratulating Jim on his promotion. He gives Jim a wooden Mallard. Dwight has secretly carved the bottom out of and placed a listening device, otherwise called a baby-monitor, into the bottom of the duck. He is now able to listen to Jim's conversations and track his activity.

Pam places a container of Mexican candy, Coca Leche to be exact, on the front reception desk and tells Erin that it's for everyone in the office to enjoy. Erin says it's her favorite candy and then pushes the container back towards Pam. She tells Pam she needs to ask Michael before Pam can put it out for everyone. Pam thinks that's a little weird but whatever. Erin asks Michael, Michael says it's okay but he thanks her for asking. Then Erin tells Pam it's okay to put the candy out for everyone so Pam does as she's told. The whole time you can clearly see she does not understand why she would have to ask Michael for permission just to put some candy out.

Michael has lunch in the break room with Jim. He tells Jim he has taken a lover. Jim asks who the lucky lady is and Michael replies that it is Pam's mom, Helene from the wedding. Jim doesn't believe him and asks what car she drives. Michael says a green Camry and the seats go all the way back, all the way. Then he makes an "all the way back" hand gesture. Jim swears and freaks out. He tells Michael not to say anything to Pam. Michael can't understand Jim's attitude. He's convinced Pam would only be interested in his happiness. Jim says she is not that interested in his happiness and insists that Michael keep it to himself. Michael says that will be difficult seeing that he's taking Jim, Pam and Helene out to dinner and he was planning on telling Pam then. Jim tells Michael that he needs to cancel dinner and break up with Pam's mom. Michael says Helene is one his way home. Jim yells, "Then find a new way home!" Michael reluctantly agrees.

Later Pam asks Jim what they should give Michael either the rum with the puppet doll attached or the seashell clock. Pam decides on the rum. She walks in on Michael trying to cancel his dinner reservations. She asks whom he's taking to Bonaccelli's. She says it sounds like a date. He says he's probably breaking up with her anyway. Pam is sad for him. Michael tells her it's complicated; she's the mother of a co-worker. Pam says if this woman makes him happy then he should date her. Then she wants to know whose mother it is. She keeps asking, "Who's Mother is it? Who?" Michael just stares at her until she comes to the horrible realization that it's her Mother. She begins screaming and runs out the parking lot. She can't stop screaming. She calls her Mom and screams at her then hang up on her. Jim comes out with hot chocolate but Pam is still pissed off. He tells her that he found a listening device in the wooden duck Dwight gave him. Pam is now upset that Jim is not upset enough about the situation. She reminds Jim that they are married now and that her Mother is now his Mother too. And that Michael is dating his Mother.

Jim is not upset because he is distracted by the fact that he is plotting against Dwight. He invites Andy into his office and turns on opera really loudly in his office then he tells Andy he's thinking about giving Dwight the opera for his birthday. Andy talks Jim out of such a bad idea. Andy leaves Jim's office and Dwight tries to get Andy to tell him what they talked about. Andy won't comment. He'll only say that it would make Dwight very angry if he knew.

Michael calls a meeting in the conference room to discuss new ideas for community service. Their newfound interest in the community has nothing to do with the cancer causing ingredients of making paper and sweatshop conditions of their third world factories. Sure it doesn't. Michael is asking for ways to put other people first. Pam huffs at this idea. Then she begins to be outright rude and belligerent. She harasses Michael. Michael gets a phone call from Pam's mom. He tells his lover that he'll make Pam apologize because, "No one talks to my baby that way." He gets off the phone after calling Pam's mom "pickle" and tells Pam to call her mother and apologize to her. Pam fights with Michael until the truth comes out and the entire office knows Michael is dating Pam's mom. At first everyone is against Michael but as he makes a sound argument for his right to happiness and Pam's mother's ability to make her own decisions he starts to win them over to his side. Michael makes a sweeping and accurate statement. He tells Pam that he is her boss and that she will show him respect in the workplace and that he could very well become her Father so she better start listening to him. Pam says no. Michael tells her to get out of the conference room. Pam refuses to leave. Michael refuses as well saying, "I hope you're willing to die in here because I am." Pam nods an affirmative and says, "Me too," as she crosses her arms in defiance.
They obviously leave the conference room because after a commercial break Michael is kissing up to Toby in order to get him to talk to

Pam for him. When Toby fails to get Pam to be his friend again he calls Toby a jackass and then talks to her himself. He tells Pam that she's just as stubborn as her mother and he should have listened to Jim. Pam turns on Jim and asks if he knew. Jim babbles something about not knowing all the facts. Pam yells at Michael and tells him she give could a rip about his happiness he just wants to stop dating her mom. Michael says he's not going to and instead he's going to date her mom even harder. She asks what he means and he says she knows. Later Michael leaves and thanks Pam for the rum. She ignores him.

Jim catches Dwight trying to bug him by talking into the duck when Dwight is not looking. Dwight answers Jim from his desk. Jim calls Dwight into his office. Dwight apologizes to Jim for trying to bug him he admits to being jealous of his promotion. He asks Jim not to tell Michael. Jim says he won't tell as long as Dwight agrees to wash and wax their car.

As Dwight washes their car Jim brings Pam over to the office window and tells her that Dwight knew she was having a hard day so he volunteered to wash their car for them. Pam is touched by the gesture. She tries to talk things out with Jim. She says maybe she over-reacted. Jim agrees and says that maybe she did. Then she says that he is dating her mother and it is wrong. Jim automatically agrees with her. He's a very good husband. He reminds her of the great times they had on their honeymoon and how they met another couple whose children were named Jim and Pam. And then he busts out with the "Frank and beans" weird voice thing and finally makes her laugh. Aaaww. They're such a good couple it borders on a perfect portrait of reality and making you throw up a little in your mouth. Your choice.

At some point during the episode Ryan decides to wear a Fedora. Everyone thinks he looks very cool in it. Jim is still trying to mess with Dwight. Dwight hears Kelly talking to Ryan about his Fedora. He tracks down the Mallard and tries to take it from Kelly. She says if he takes it she'll scream. He tries to buy it from her for $5. Ryan suggests $20. Dwight offers $10. Ryan says, "Deal." Then he takes the $10, pockets it and tells Kelly she owes him $3 for gas. Later as everyone is leaving for the day Kevin asks Ryan where he got the Fedora. Ryan says, "I'd rather not say." What a tool.

In the closing bit Dwight reveals that the Mallard was a "red herring" and the real listening device was on the tip of the pen he shoved into Jim's penholder in the very beginning of the day. He says he has eight hours of Jim talking. He asks camera, "Do you really think I'd make my primary listening device a wooden Mallard? I'm not insane." Then he proceeds to sit in a dark office and listen to eight hours of Jim talking about weights of paper to his customers. No, Dwight, you're not insane. Now back away slowly without making eye contact.

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Story by Erin MacMillan-Ramirez

Starpulse contributing writer