It’s finally here. It’s finally time. It’s Michael’s big day. Well sort of, it’s Pam and Jim’s weekend wedding in Niagara Falls on The Office. The entire office is getting extra time off to attend the wedding. But first Pam and Jim ask for a special favor from the office staff. Since she’s pregnant and her stomach is really sensitive, Pam would really appreciate it if everyone would wear less perfume and if anyone is eating a particularly pungent lunch if that person would do so in the break-room. Phyllis won’t give up her perfumed soap. Dwight refuses to eat his hard-boiled egg anywhere other than at his desk and Meredith won’t ever give up her afternoon cigar. Pam doesn’t understand what happened to common office politeness. Instead of fighting with her co-workers she simply allows Dwight to eat his hard-boiled egg at his desk then she promptly throws up into her desk trashcan right in front of Dwight. This causes a horrible, “Goonies” style, chain reaction in which first Andy, then Erin, then Phyllis then Meredith then Angela then Oscar all throw up. Some in trashcans, some make it to the bathroom, others into their own hands. Dwight looks around in horror at what his stubborn attitude created. Creed eats Ramen noodles while Meredith pukes next to him. And through it all Pam looks at Dwight smugly then wipes the corners of her mouth with a small, victorious smile.

Michael decorates his own car with shoe polish on his back window that reads: “ Going to a wedding.” And he ties cans, full not empty, to the back of his car. Jim and Pam start to tell him he was supposed to do that to their car. Instead they congratulate Michael on his important day. Jim asks everyone to keep the pregnancy a secret because not all of their family knows about it and one of them, Pam’s grandmother, would not approve. Jim also let’s Kevin know that firecrackers are on the “no” list. Michael says that this wedding is the most important wedding in the office until he gets married and then he tells everyone not to embarrass him or, “So help me!” We’re not sure what he’ll do but we know he’s serious about it. Dwight has downloaded information on family members who are single women in order to help them pick up chicks. The information proves to be really useless. Kevin has purchased a special hairpiece for the wedding in order to prove he is fashionable. Andy drives up with Erin and Kelly in the back seat of his car. The girls listen to their iPods and ignore Andy then fall asleep. Andy admits he likes Erin and that she smells like his Mother. Pam tells Jim that her Aunt told her that everything will go by so fast that they should take mental pictures as they go to remember it by. Jim takes a mental picture of Pam and says that she blinked. Now he’s going to remember that forever. Pam says he should have hired a professional to take his mental pictures for him. Michael and Dwight drive up together. Michael falls asleep at the wheel due to his dark glasses. He wakes up and takes the glasses off. Dwight plays a CD he made for Michael when he beds a lucky lady. It’s creepy to say the least. Michael is not impressed.

Once everyone arrives at the Niagara Falls hotel Andy tells Jim and Pam that he rented the honeymoon suite the night before their wedding in order to “break in the bed” for the happy couple. Pam insists on getting the name and phone number of the person who will be changing the sheets after Andy checks out. Michael discovers he does not have a room reservation and asks if her can room with Dwight. Dwight says no then look at his reservation and realizes it says Michael’s name. Dwight asks if he can stay with Michael. Michael says no because he might get lucky. Dwight reveals that he was just testing Michael and he failed the test. Michael asks everyone from the office if he can stay with them. They all say no. He ends up sleeping in the vending machine room, as he says, “It’s loud but warm.” But first Michael tells camera that when Mary was denied a room at the inn Jesus was born. When Michael was denied a room, we’ll have to see.

Michael wants to say a toast at the rehearsal dinner. Jim informs him that he will not be speaking at their engagement party. Pam’s Dad arrives with a girlfriend who is half his age. Pam’s Mom arrives without a date. Meema wasn’t sure about Pam’s side of the family after her parents divorced but she thinks Pam and Jim are perfect together. Pam’s cousin thinks that Oscar is dating Kevin. Oscar is horrified that someone would think he would be dating someone who looks like Kevin. Michael thinks that Jim’s brother’s have hysterical material and that it should be him delivering it not the brothers. He interrupts the tacky brothers in order to do some stand-up comedy about the Smart car not being so smart. Jim interrupts Michael in order to stop him from talking. Jim makes a tremendously sweet speech. He admits that he didn’t need that much help making copies and that even though it took Pam a year to teach him how to drive stick he’s been driving stick since he was 16. He had a to wait a long time but he realized that he was waiting for his wife. Aaww. Then Jim asks everyone to raise a glass, everyone expect Pam, “for obvious reasons.” Meema asks why Pam, can’t drink. Jim tries to cover by saying he didn’t mean anything by it. And that she can do whatever she wants but she shouldn’t because she’s an alcoholic. Then he takes that back and tells everyone that she’s pregnant. Michael tries to cover for Jim by saying that they live together and they have lots of sex and it feels different to use protection. He’s finally cut off by Pam who tells him to stop and Jim who raises his glass and asks everyone to toast, “to waiting.” Later Pam tells Jim and Michael that Meema is leaving in the morning and not staying for the wedding. Michael visits Meema in her room and tells her it’s not 1890 it’s 2009 and women have sex. He knows that back in her day women like Pam would be considered a whore but times have changed. Michael tells her that Pam and Jim plan on naming the baby after her, Meema. She corrects him and says her name is Sylvia. He says yes, Sylvia, and if it’s a boy then Sylvio. She smiles. Michael is amazing with older women.
Andy throws a party in the honeymoon suite the night before the wedding. Dwight and Michael pick up women in the hotel bar. Dwight tells one of the women he’s flirting with that he’s worried about his horses back on the farm. One girl, Pam’s sister, is interested and says it’s so cool that he’s concerned for his horses. She asks how many he has. He answers 9 and ¾. He tells camera that he has perfected a device that extracts either 6 full size burgers or 12 sliders from a horse without killing it. George Foreman, Sharper Image and a few other companies are still considering carrying it in their line. Sears said no.

Later Michael is hitting it off with an amazing blonde bombshell when Dwight comes over and tells him he’s found twins. Michael excuses himself to move on to greener pastures. When he arrives he realizes the twins are big, fat men. Dwight loves finding a good set of twins.

Andy’s party is going really well until he does a split while dancing and lands on his car keys thus tearing his scrotum and he needs Pam to drive him to the hospital. She’s the only one out of the entire wedding party who is not drunk. Pam calls Jim to see if he can drive Andy but he’s drunk. Michael and Dwight have taken him down to the bar and gotten him bombed the night before the wedding. Needless to say Pam is angry. Michael points out that it’s after midnight and announces that Jim is married. Jim explains that’s not how it works. Pam tries to find the hospital. Andy asks Pam to slow down because every bump puts him into horrible pain. Andy complains that he was doing her job by entertaining everyone. She runs over a few bumps on purpose. The next morning Andy wakes up next to Pam’s bed on the floor. He tells camera that he got to sleep with the bride the night before the wedding. Pam asks if she dreamed that he was crying all night. Andy says no, he really was crying.

Kevin put his shoes out in the hall to be polished. The shoeshine man opened the bag and was overwhelmed by the stench. He and the manager made the decision to incinerate the shoes. It became a health issue. Kevin says it was his only pair. A hotel employee offers Kevin a complimentary breakfast as an apology for his incinerated shoes. He accepts.

Dwight kisses Isabella, Pam’s sister, and says good-bye in the hallway as Michael walks into Dwight’s room in order to use the bathroom. At breakfast Dwight admits to bedding the bridesmaid and that he’s going to dump her. Michael is offended and lies about having a European girlfriend.
At the church Stanley complains about Phyllis’ feathered hat. Phyllis comments that Stanley’s wife liked it the last time she saw it. Kevin arrives at the church looking smashing in his hairpiece and tissues boxes for shoes. Meredith asks Andy if he got his penis ripped off. Andy is shocked and corrects her in front of Erin. He asks where she heard that. She says around. Jim admits that he might have spread that rumor but to forgive him because he’s nervous about getting married. Erin offers Andy a folded up napkin because she thinks the wooden bench would be too hard to sit on with his punctured scrotum. Andy accepts the napkin because Erin is right and she’s giving him attention. Michael decided not to give the happy couple cash as they asked for but instead a hand painted portrait done from memory. He made another one of them nude but that one was just for him. Dwight got them a turtle boiling pot, turtle mallets and matching turtle-eating bibs, along with some live turtles for them to boil and eat. Lovely.

Pam looks amazing in her wedding dress. Pam’s Mom asks if he deserves her. Pam says he does. Her sister says she’s going to go out and talk to Dwight. Pam tries to run after her but she gets her veil caught on the doorframe and tears it. She hides away from everyone else and calls Jim. He comes to her in secret. She says through tears that she knew she was going to be five months pregnant and she couldn’t wear her ideal dress and she wasn’t going to get to wear high heels but her veil was the one thing she was supposed to have control over. Jim shows her it’s no big deal by cutting his tie in half. It’s a shocking and sweet gesture but it doesn’t change the fact that Pam knows way too much about Andy’s scrotum and everyone is driving her crazy. She says that the day is supposed to be about them getting married and she wonders why they invited all those people. Then they are seen running away from the church.

Their guests get restless as they wait for over an hour for the couple to make their appearance. The office staff debates the proper way to take back their gifts and if it’s okay if they take other boxes along with their own. They decide to wait a little longer. Lucky for them they didn’t steal any of the presents because the happy couple arrive and the wedding gets under way. As the wedding march is about to start Jim’s brother high-jacks the sound system and plays the song that a certain couple danced down the aisle to on UTube. And what would you know but the entire wedding party goes nuts and starts dancing down the aisle. Then the entire office staff does the same thing. The church goes nuts. Finally Pam and Jim are able to get to the front of the church to recite their vows. Pam’s bridesmaid’s are surprised that she’s not angry. She has a secret.

Jim bought tickets to a tourist boat cruise under Niagara Falls just in case they needed to run away and elope before walking down the aisle in front of family and friends. Turns out they needed to. In an ultra-romantic cross-cutting montage Jim and Pam recite their vows twice, place rings on each other’s fingers twice and kiss the bride twice, once for them and once for everyone else. It’s the ultimate act of love from a groom to his bride. Not to mention a great way to start their marriage. Jim’s always thinking of what’s best for both of them. He’s always putting Pam first. He bought the tickets five minutes after seeing the video on UTube. He admits to camera that having the Captain of the ship marry them was actually Plan C. The church was Plan B and marrying Pam the day he met her was Plan A. He’s happy with Plan C.

After the wedding Kevin soaks his feet in the ice machine in which other guests will later fill their individual buckets for their rooms and use for their drinks in their rooms. It’s enough to never, ever use the ice vending machine in any hotel anywhere, ever again. Ever.

Earlier, while everyone was waiting for Pam and Jim to arrive, Michael asked Pam’s Mom if she had a snack in her purse. She, being a Mom, had an apricot fruit leather snack. Michael complained about it being apricot and admitted to wanting to hook up with someone while at the wedding. He confessed to not having a room at the hotel and sleeping in the vending machine room. Pam’s Mom thought that was just awful. So bad in fact that at the very end of this episode Pam’s Mom kissed Michael in the hotel room hallway and then pulled him into her room! Uh-oh. Looks like the Honeymoon couple isn’t the only pair getting lucky.

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Image © NBC Photo: Byron Cohen

Story by Erin MacMillan-Ramirez

Starpulse contributing writer