J.J. Abrams & Zach Snyder Bring Gotham City To A Galaxy Far, Far Away

Bizarre Celebrity Birthing Trends

June 22nd, 2009 12:27pm EDT
Victoria BeckhamOh baby. Celebrities and their fads, from Miley Cyrus' hippie head bands to Beyonce and her master cleanse lemonade diet, it seems that celebrity sleeves are always chock full of tricks, and the more ironic or extreme the tricks - the better. Just take Victoria Beckham's pair of Antonio Berardi heel-less boots for example. Umm…come again?

Apparently, Posh Spice shall hereby be known as Hoof Spice. These shoes are exceedingly impractical and they turn walking into a constant crusade against gravity. Thankfully, however, the shelf-life of outlandish fashion trends, such as the aforementioned foot garb, is akin to that of a dairy product, which, once it curdles, can easily be discarded without a second thought (except, of course, when you look through old photos and wonder, "What the hell was I thinking!?"). The effects of celebrity birthing trends, however, are not nearly as ramification-free as a pair of un-pret-a-porter footwear whose direst consequences are a couple of uncomfortable blisters. Birthing trends, on the other hand, have the potential to do some serious damage to celebrity offspring, both emotionally and physically.

One such trend, which has planted itself in the middle of the celebrity procreation circuit and is capable of leaving some deeply rooted emotional scars on celebrity seedlings, is the atypical baby name trend. Unique baby names appear to be the new "it" accessory for celebrity parents. One explanation for the absence of Tom's, Dick's, and Harry's from celebrity playpens is…spoiler alert…most celebrities are chronic sufferers of the look-at-measles - a hampering condition for which they take two pats on the back every 4 to 6 hours and one positive affirmation right before bed time. So going along with this notion that celebrities have an inherent need to be thought of as fresh and creative artists, it is only fitting that celebrity parents would want to relish some spotlight over their child naming ingenuity as well. After all, there aren't too many "ooh" and "ahh" reactions over John Juniors, but Moxie CrimeFighter, the name Penn Jillette and his wife, Emily, chose for their 4 year old daughter - now that's an attention grabber. It remains to be seen, however, how little Miss CrimeFighter is going to hold up against school yard high jinks. But then again, when your fancy-shmancy, exclusive kindergarten class consists of mostly rich and famous spawn, odds are that it will be the Joe's and the Jenny's of the class who will be mocked for the "normalcy" of their names.

Some other zany names celebrities have given to their children include…
"Bluebell Madonna" (Geri Halliwell)
"Shiloh Nouvel" (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie)
"Pilot Inspektor" (Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf)
"Moon Unit", "Dweezel", "Ahmed Emuukah", and "Diva Muffin" (Frank Zappa)
"Apple" (Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin)
"Jigme" (Richard Gere)
"Audio Science" (Shannyn Sossamon)
"Fifi Trixibelle", "Peaches Honeyblossom", "Little Pixie" (Paula Yates and Bob Geldof)
"Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily" (Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence)

Other trends in celebrity child rearing concern the actual act of giving birth. These days, many expectant celebrities are opting to give birth naturally at home with the help of a midwife, often times in the bathtub. Some of the celebrity mamas who have taken part in the anti-epidural epidemic include Demi Moore, Cindy Crawford, and Pamela Anderson.

And taking au natural child birth one step further are all those Scientologist celebs who believe in giving birth, not only naturally, but also without uttering a peep. This "silent birth" practice is believed to reduce the trauma level for the infant and consequently prevent the little tyke from having irrational fears later in life. Kelly Preston, a longtime practitioner of Scientology, endeavored to follow these austere, mum's-the-word guidelines during the 13 hour-long, at-home birth of her daughter, Ella Bleu. But in an interview with "Redbook" magazine, Preston reports that she eventually cracked and hollered at hubby, John Travolta, "Throw me in the car. I want an epidural!" Honestly though, who could blame her?

While the aforementioned celebrity mamas all opted for the most natural child births that they could muster, other celebs are choosing an essentially contrary approach: pre-scheduled, elective Caesarean sections. This birthing method is growing in popularity amongst celebrity moms-to-be because it is supposed to obviate some of the abdominal stretching that arises during pregnancy. Some of these "Too Posh to Push" celebs include Elizabeth Hurley, Madonna, and Victoria Beckham, who claims that she had all of her C-sections "under doctor's orders." Some doctors say that C-sections are actually the safer method of giving birth.

Madonna

Image © PR Photos

In a Fox News story, Scott Serden, the clinical chief of obstetrics and gynecology at the Los Angeles Cedars-Sinai Hospital, reports, "There are studies out of England showing a lower incidence of neurological trauma with elective surgery as opposed to those who go through labor. And it's nicer and safer for the mother to give birth on a pre-scheduled basis, as opposed to at 3 a.m." But on the other hand, C-sections are not without risk. Potential hazards of this operation include infection, respiratory complications, and increased blood loss in the mother. Also, C-sections should not be performed more than two weeks early without just medical cause because otherwise, the infant's health is more seriously endangered. Bottom line, a celebrity mom-to-be's fab physique should be the last thing on her mind when giving birth. Dr. Marciana Wilkerson, an ob-gyn at George Washington University Hospital in Washington D.C., hit the nail on the head when she said, "When you make a decision to have a child, it's a sacrifice. If [celebrities] are not willing, they shouldn't have children." Well said, Marciana.

Michaela Zanello
Story by Michaela Zanello

Starpulse contributing writer