Though television, particularly on cable, is crawling towards the idea of a year-round schedule, May remains Sweeps Month, that time of year when dozens of shows leave you hanging for the summer. Here's all you need to know from some of this year's season finales, in case you missed them. WARNING: SPOILERS
- "Kidney Now!": Jack hosts a telethon to get his long-lost father (Alan Alda
) a new kidney, and bribes and/or blackmails Sheryl Crow
, Clay Aiken
, Elvis Costello
, Mary J. Blige
, and many more into performing. Liz gets crazy after a sketch she wrote turns her into a relationship guru for women, and Tracey returns to the high school he never actually graduated from to give a rambling speech.
- "And the Winner Is": Dark horse candidate Kris Allen
in an upset. Rumors immediately began to fly about rigged voting, and the debate rages on over whether or not Adam Lambert
was robbed because of his suspected sexual orientation. What everyone seems to be forgetting, however, is that aside from Kelly Clarkson and, arguably, Carrie Underwood, runners-up have gone on to much wider success than the actual winners.
- "The End in the Lab": Forget what you've heard - Booth and Bones do not have sex for real. The strange alternate reality where they're married club owners with a baby on the way turns out to be a combination of Booth's post-coma hallucination and Brennan's next crime novel. Though the alternate universe made the collection of interns much more likeable, the cheat has put Bones' creator Hart Hanson on the autopsy table with millions of fans holding scalpels.
- "Pay Up": Detective Jessica Angell bites the bullet when thugs kidnap a murderer she was escorting to trial. The CSIs catch her killer, but as they're celebrating and toasting her memory in a bar, someone drives by and starts shooting.
- "Omega": Turns out, dear Dr. Saunders is actually a former Active who went by the code-name Whiskey. After Alpha cut her up on Echo's behalf and killed the former Dr. Saunders (male), she was permanently imprinted with medical knowledge and the good doctor's background, so as not to waste an investment. Agent Ballard decides to help the Dollhouse catch Alpha in exchange for Melly/November/Whatever's freedom. Echo gets a composite download so she can be just as crazy as Alpha, but she doesn't react the same way to the 38 different personalities, and fights off her would-be lover. At the end of the day she's wiped clean again, but just before she goes to sleep in her little pod, she remembers, "Caroline."
Image © Fox Broadcasting
- "There's More Than One of Everything": Nina survives the shooting, possibly because she's a cyborg - she has at least one robotic limb. One of Olivia's many nemeses, David Robert Jones, is killed trying to tear holes in the fabric of the universe. Walter visits a cemetery and places a coin on the grave of one Peter Bishop who died in 1985 (aha, we knew it!), while Olivia ends up crossing over to the alternate universe where William Bell has been hiding, a universe where the White House was destroyed on 9/11 instead of the Twin Towers.
- "An Invisible Thread": Nathan dies after Sylar ties him to a chair, tortures him, assumes his identity, and then slits his throat. But Adrian Pasdar fans, fear not! For Angela, Noah, and Matt decide they like Zachary Quinto as Spock so much, that Matt uses his mind powers to make Sylar think he's really Nathan. Thanks to Sylar's shape-shifting ability, as well as his power to learn about the past by touching things, Peter, Claire, and the rest of the Sometimes Heroes are oblivious to the change. Other notes of possible importance: Hiro nearly dies from using his powers because his body's rejecting them, Peter's still taking it one power at a time having borrowed the shape-shift from Sylar, and six weeks after they burn a convenient Sylar-shaped corpse, Tracey Strauss (last seen shattering into ice cubes in an underground parking garage) flows out of the pipes in a government agent's home and kills him.
How I Met Your Mother
- "The Leap": After Robin tries to "Moseby" Barney, they confess their confused feelings for each other, and make out. Ted decides he needs to make a change, and accepts a job teaching architecture, which is where Older Ted tells his kids he met their mother. There's also a goat, which beats Ted up.
- "Both Sides Now": In yet another case of hallucinatory sex, House and Cuddy fail to get it on for real. When House realizes he made up the entire encounter, and is, in fact, still very much on drugs, he checks himself into rehab. At the same time, Chase and Cameron exchange vows, giving Chase many more years of Cameron's passive-aggressiveness to look forward to.
- "The Incident (Parts I & II)": The mysterious Jacob is finally revealed to be Mark Pellegrino (who has been just about everywhere on TV lately), another Island man who never ages. Rose and Bernard are alive in the 70s, enjoying a quiet retirement, living in a hut in the jungle with Vincent the dog. Ben kills Jacob in a chamber underneath the four-toed foot statue which was apparently once of the Egyptian goddess Tauret, and whatever's walking around in Locke's body ain't John Locke since his corpse is in a big metal box carried by Illana and the rest of her 'What lies in the shadow of the statue' folk. Juliet thinks Sawyer's still in love with Kate, so she decides to help Jack detonate the bomb in the hope that she'll never meet and fall in love with James Ford. Unfortunately for her the bomb doesn't go off, and the electro-magnetic pocket underneath the Swan hatch is breached, causing all the metal equipment to get sucked down the shaft - taking Juliet along with it. Sawyer can't hold on to her, so she falls down the hole. She's not quite dead yet, though, and takes her anger out on the undetonated bomb, pounding it over and over until everything goes white.
- "Red John's Footsteps": Jane discovers the identity of Red John's accomplice thanks to a blind woman living alone in the woods who had a previous relationship with the serial killer, but misses out on actually catching the man who killed his wife and daughter.
- "Aliyah": Tony kills Ziva's Mossad boyfriend, so he, Ziva and Gibbs fly to Israel. Ziva's forced to choose between NCIS and Mossad, and chooses Mossad, though it's not really clear why other than she's really pissed at Tony, who thinks he was protecting her. Director Vance tells Gibbs that Ziva shot Ari all those years ago on orders from her father rather than to save his ass, so Gibbs feels even more conflicted about leaving her behind in Tel Aviv. Unfortunately for Ziva, picking up as an assassin where her boyfriend left off means she winds up having the crap beat out of her by someone who wants to know everything there is to know about NCIS.
Story by Megan Christopher
Starpulse contributing writer