'The Office' Gets Funky
Michael still has the lease on the small office downstairs that he now uses as a personal dance club and where he makes "ex-spresso." He says he is constantly dancing through life. When he's "tip-toeing" around corporate it's a ballet and when he's breaking all the rules he's break dancing. He walks back into the upstairs office with his espresso cup and saucer and tells everyone he's really scared because he's been turned into a giant and he's now holding a regular sized coffee mug that looks like tiny in his giant hands. Of course he is. No one is amused by his joke. He asks if anyone wants to go to lunch with him. Pam says she can't because she and Jim have to leave early in order to meet with a contractor. Michael explains that after the "mean" boss, Charles, left someone instituted a strict "no lunch with the boss" rule. He's not sure who started it but he's desperately trying to break the rule and eat lunch with someone. Back at The Michael Scott Paper Company he ate lunch with Ryan and Pam everyday and he really enjoyed it. He misses having company with his food. He probably needs what he always needs, friends and a wife. Someday the writers of this show might allow him to be in a relationship with a woman that is not too dysfunctional. And just maybe he'll make a friend and surprise everyone in the office, maybe. He asks Ryan if he wants to go to lunch and Ryan tells him he doesn't eat lunch anymore. He now eats five small meals per day. He says to camera, "Now that I'm back to doing the job of a temp again I find that food is one thing I can control." Ah yes, Man-arexia, the timeless struggle between man and power expressed through food issues. Michael says he is "a-counting" on the accounting department. Angela tells him they don't want to have to stay late just because they went to a two-hour lunch. Michael asks what it wrong with them and calls them all drones. He then begins to impersonate a robot and say, "You are all drones, all drones, all drones." He doesn't stop until Pam gets up and says, "Oh no your batteries fell out." Michael winds down and says, "I was just learning to love." Pam explains to camera that he will just keep on going unless you take his batteries out.
Later Erin asks Dwight how everyone is doing. Dwight chastises her and says it is not necessary to ask how everyone is doing every time she needs to ask them something. She corrects herself and apologizes then asks if anyone left a map in the copier to Youngstown, Ohio. Dwight asks for the office to give him their attention. He then asks if anyone if planning a trip to Youngstown, Ohio. Jim and Pam look at each as if they share a secret. Pam asks why it's such a big deal if someone if going to Youngstown, Ohio. Dwight goes on to explain that it is a big deal because if someone if going to the courthouse there for any reason other than a crime he wants to know who and what. They could be going to claim an inheritance, to obtain a learners permit at the age of 14 and a half instead of 15. Then he looks at Erin and asks to see her ID. She dives into her purse immediately and says, "Sure." I just love how Michael telling her that no one in the office likes her is making her completely paranoid and needy.
Jim and Pam explain to camera that they are traveling to Ohio to GET MARRIED! They decided that even a small wedding was going to cost way too much money so they are eloping in Ohio. It's the only state near them that doesn't require a three-day waiting period. Apparently Jim was eating his cereal, early in the morning, and he said, "You know what I want to do today? I wanna marry you." Pam says, "I had just woken up, I didn't look cute. That's how I know he meant it." Jim smiles and laughs as she beams. It felt like a documentary segment out of "When Harry Met Sally." As if they had been married for fifty years already. Too cute.
Erin finds Michael in the downstairs office dancing away. She asks if he'll be doing work from the downstairs office all day? He keeps dancing and yells, "No work, no work!" He tells her he uses the dance office to de-stress. Erin says she swims. Michael says the door is always open, the lock is broken. Then Michael pulls her into a dance with him. She thinks it's fun. He asks if she wants an "ex-spresso." She says yes. He says they have to stay dehydrated. Erin agrees saying that's rule number one.
Michael tells everyone that the bad man is gone; Charles is no longer with them. Michael tells camera that the office used to be like "Dave and Busters," a party all day long. Now it's like Dave died. He tells the office everything is okay, "Daddy is here and he's going to make everything all right." Andy uses a creepy little kid voice to play along. Michael uses a creepy kid voice too and tells him he'll kiss his boo-boo and make it better. Before it gets too creepy he says in his regular voice that he thinks the office is in a funk and that funk is the answer. Michael tells everyone that he has a disco with coffee on the ground floor of an industrial complex. Erin calls it a café disco. Michael says he'll be down there all day if anyone wants to join him. Kevin decides to go down for free coffee. Kevin is trying to get some espresso when Angela comes in and tells him to come back and get to work. Michael tells him to stay. Angela says come. Michael says stay. And somewhere between treating him like a dog and a child Michael offers him a cookie to make him stay. Angela pulls open Michael's hand to expose the lie, that there is no cookie, and pulls Kevin away to make him go back to work. Michael explains to camera that he feels like the founders of Phillip-Morris to give people a fun, smooth way to relax and they end up becoming a monster.
To try and entice the office to come downstairs and dance he pipes music into the vent. Everyone hears, "Everybody Dance Now" and starts dancing. Phyllis can't stop the beat any longer and says, "Oh what the hell?" She goes over to get her husband but his secretary says he's on an important business call and can't be disturbed. The secretary is a full figured younger version of Phyllis who came out of her husband's office just as Phyllis came in. Phyllis is suspicious but lets it go and says to tell her husband to meet her downstairs between the bathrooms in the room that used to be a utility shower. Then she gets he funk on. She gets in on so good she throws her back out. Michael freaks out and calls Dwight. They put her in a chair and wheel her back upstairs and into the conference room. Dwight closes door and the blinds. He takes off his shirt and begins to work on Phyllis' back. He cuts the back of her shirt open and massages her back. He explains that his Grandfather taught him these techniques that he used on a horse. That horse went on to place 30th in a race and then become dinner. While he's massaging her she blurts out that she thinks her husband is going to have an affair with his secretary than she laughs because it sounds so silly saying it out loud. Dwight works out her muscles, rubs beaver oil on her back and tells her to relax for an hour. She tries to get up and he treats her like a horse and calms her down. After relaxing for an hour she feels better.
Meanwhile Michael has given up on the dance club and tells Kelly and Erin to shut it down. They go down and turn off the overhead lights, suddenly the colored lights give the room a soft, relaxed mood and they kick on the tunes and start dancing. The guys in the warehouse see the girls dancing and join in. The rest of the office hears the music and joins them. Some people invite friends over. Michael finally catches on to the fact that his idea is working and joins the party. Kevin makes out with his girlfriend likes it's prom and Phyllis and Dwight join in the dancing as soon as they staple her shirt back together. Phyllis' husband asks to cut in, asking if he's trying to steal his wife. Dwight says he can't steal what is legally his property. And even Angela, after a long fight, moves her foot to the groove. Michael smiles in triumphs after seeing Angela's foot tapping to the beat. Andy and Kelly have a dance off we're not sure who won.
Jim and Pam are ready to go get married but before they do they decide to stop by and dance for a few songs. They realize during "YMCA" that they like cheesy, they want cheesy. They want a real wedding. Goodie.
In the closing bit Kelly attempts to pierce Andy's ear. He's a bit of a baby about it and asks which ear it "the gay ear?" Kelly makes fun if him and asks if he's twelve. He gets ready for the pain and screams when she comes close to doing something. Kelly says it was just the ice. He tries to act all cool but we all no he's scared. Don't worry Andy, Big Daddy Michael will kiss the boo-boo and make it all better. Now that's scary.
The Office stars: Steve Carell / John Krasinski / Jenna Fischer / Rainn Wilson / B.J. Novak / Melora Hardin / Mindy Kaling / Brian Baumgartner / Leslie David Baker / Kate Flannery / Ed Helms / Angela Kinsey / Phyllis Smith
Story by Erin MacMillan-Ramirez
Starpulse contributing writer
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