On The Office
, Kevin says he likes to bring in his famous chili at least once a year to share with everyone in the office. He carries a huge stock pot using pot holders that cause his grip to constantly slip. The elevator is out-of-order so he is forced to take the stairs. After hauling the massive load up the stairs he finally makes it into the office only to drop the whole pot of chili on the floor. This after he explained in voice-over how his recipe has been passed down over generations and that he individually roasts the ancho peppers and hand presses the garlic. As he gets down on his knees and begins to scoop the chili back into the pot using a file folder he says in voice over, "It's probably the thing I do best." So sad. Poor Kevin.
Pam and Ryan come into the office holding a hula hoop covered with paper on which they have drawn a large question mark. Michael can be heard from behind the paper asking who it could be. He asks, "Who is it?" Then Pam and Ryan repeat the question, "Who is it?" in really creepy low, whispery tones. Jim looks at Pam like she's crazy. Pam shrugs it off as if to say she knows how silly she looks but she's humoring him. Then Michael tries to bust through the paper. It takes him a few tries but he finally does it and when he does he says, "It's Michael Scott," in the same creepy low whisper voice. The office claps and Creed takes a picture.
Michael calls everyone into the conference room and tells them to welcome back Pam, Ryan and himself. Everyone but the sales staff claps half-heartedly. Then Michael says he wants to open up the floor for everyone to say whatever they want to. The staff has no clue what he's getting at and they feel as if they have nothing to say. Michael is fishing for an apology. He feels as if everyone abandoned him and when he tried to open his own company and recruit salespeople no one went with him. Instead he gets Angela complaining about "casual Friday." Michael tells her to take it up with Toby. Erin, the new receptionist, asks if she still has a job? Michael says that she does because Pam and Ryan are now salespeople and they have brought a ton of clients over from The Michael Scott Paper Company. Phyllis, Stanley, Dwight and Andy have a problem with this since Michael's company stole those clients from Dunder Mifflin in the first place. They want their clients back. Dwight says Dunder Mifflin bought out Michael's company therefore they bought the clients back too. Michael says Dwight will follow orders blindly or he can take up his problems with the complaint department, which is a trash can. Ryan's new desk is across from Meredith. She looks at Ryan and says, "Don't fall in love with me kid." We're thinking that won't be a problem for Ryan.
Phyllis walks into the kitchen to find Pam already there and wearing the same outfit she has on. Pam says they have great taste. Phyllis says she sure wishes she had more time for her clients. Pam is dumbfounded. She stammers. Phyllis asks her, "Isn't that what you told my clients when you were stealing them? That I didn't have time for them?" Pam stands in front of Phyllis slack-jawed, not knowing what to say. Phyllis does as she slams Pam and says, "Close your mouth sweetie you look like a trout." Ooo burn. Phyllis is really pissed and not afraid to show it.
Angela yells at Toby about Oscar's feet. She doesn't want to see them. Toby tells her to just not look at his feet. Angela freaks out and tells Toby he's not educated about how to deal with a hysterical woman and storms away. Toby tells the camera that he was in the seminary before taking a job in HR. He left the church because he wanted to have sex with a woman. He followed her to Scranton and took the first job he could find. After she divorced him he was stuck in the job and stuck in Scranton. So apparently he doesn't have a passion for HR.
Michael gives Ryan and Pam bottles of Fiji water and ignores the rest of his sales staff. Dwight passes a note to Stanley, Andy and Phyllis. He used invisible ink to write a secret note on the memo using his own urine. If anyone passes the paper over heat it will reveal the secret writing. The secret message tells them to meet Dwight in the warehouse. Later Dwight stands in the warehouse alone. Apparently no one got the message. Weird because it was so clear.
Toby talks to Oscar about his exposed toes. Oscar says he's not going to drive all the way home to change shoes. Toby offers to lend him a pair of socks. Oscar thinks that's a gross idea. Toby says they're clean; he was going to wear them to volleyball practice. Oscar won't budge.
Dwight calls Andy and asks him why he isn't in the warehouse for the secret meeting. Andy says all of his files are not in reverse alphabetical order. Dwight says the memo contained a secret code and he needs to round up the sales people, except for Pam and Ryan, and get them down there pronto.
Andy follows order, blindly. Dwight leads the secret meeting. He thinks that Ryan and Pam are not qualified to be salespeople and he's still not convinced that they didn't have a fling while they were working together. Jim asks if he can address that. Dwight says no, he's too close to the situation. He asks Stanley how he feels about losing his clients. Stanley doesn't like it. He asks Phyllis. She says she doesn't lose clients to a secretary. Then she tells Jim, "No offense. I think she's really pretty." Dwight thinks she has a nice face, then he's interrupted by Meredith who just wanders into their secret meeting. She saw a crowd and thought it might be a dogfight. Wow. We know a little too much about Meredith. Dwight suggests they stage a coup or they take Ryan hostage. Phyllis thinks those ideas are too harsh. Dwight says he doesn't mean do those actual things, he means do something like those things. Jim thinks they should just talk to Michael and tell him how they feel. Dwight acts as if he thinks that's a great idea and convinces Jim that they're going to do it. Jim walks away. The group follows until Dwight pulls them back and starts talking about taking a hostage again. Jim just shakes his head.
Pam, Ryan and Michael stand around a poster board filled with photos from The Michael Scott Paper Company. They all reflect on their happy memories. Michael comments on a photo of himself with a bowl on his head and asks where the bowl might be. Jim walks into the office to talk to Michael. Michael tells Jim the meeting in his office is for Michael Scott Paper Company only. Jim says that is becoming a problem and that maybe he should talk to everyone about that topic. Jim informs Michael that there is a secret meeting going on and a coup being planned. Michael says he will handle it. Michael tells camera that the old Michael Scott would have taken this news and done nothing but not the new Michael Scott. The new Michael Scott, "is not to be truffled with." He tells Ryan and Pam that they were the only ones "with the rocks" to go with him to form the new company. Ryan tells Michael he needs to go down to the warehouse and crack some skulls.
The secret meeting crew comes back from their secret meeting. Michael, Pam and Ryan are ready for them. Michael asks them where they were. They say they went to lunch. Michael asks them what they ate. Each one gives a different answer. Michael then says that since they just ate they won't be needing their lunch that they brought from home. Michael goes into the break room and takes their food out of the fridge and starts to eat it. He takes a bite of Dwight's meat sandwich and says it's good. Dwight says its pony meat. Michael stops eating it. He then licks Andy's salmon. Meanwhile Pam digs into Stanley's egg salad and Ryan eats Phyllis' borrito. Michael thanks all of them for going out to eat.
Toby tries to talk to Meredith about what she is wearing for "casual Friday." He asks her to pull her mini dress down a little. She pulls it way down and exposes a boob. Oscar informs her that her boob is hanging out and she pulls her dress way too far up. Kelly asks her where her panties are and Meredith answers that it's casual day. After making her final adjustment she walks over to a filing cabinet and exposes her backside to the office. No one wants to see that either. Toby gives up.
Creed convinced Jim to stay out of the office fight and asked him if he wanted to play a game. The two men sit in the break room playing a game of chess. Creed warns Jim against every move he's trying to make, leaving him with no options. Jim tells camera that he is just hiding out until the fight blows over. He's just playing chess, at work and Creed is winning. He stops then says he feels like he's describing a dream he once had.
Ryan tries to handle a customer complaint while Dwight yells at him and the client. The client hangs up. Dwight cannot believe Ryan lost a client Dwight had for ten years as a satisfied customer. Pam says he wouldn't have lost the client if Dwight hadn't been yelling at him the whole time. Dwight yells at Pam saying she's a secretary and Ryan is a temp and what doe either of them know? Then he takes Ryan's phone. Michael steps in and tells them to shake and get over it. Dwight says they want their client's back or they quit. Michael says they must be kidding. Dwight says they're not. They'll start their own paper company, The Shrute, Bernard, Lapp, Vance and Stanley Paper Company. Michael thinks that's a great idea and throws a couple dollars at Phyllis and Andy saying he's giving them some seed money. He then tells them that if they stay he wants an apology and it better be a big one. Stanley is shocked. Andy says that's backward. Michael says no that's frontwards. Phyllis says, "Michael you thought you were going after corporate but we were the ones who got hurt. You always said we were family and then you went after us." Michael is stunned silent.
Michael says he has looked at the situation from a hundred different angles, from his point of view, from theirs and 98 others and he is in the wrong. He is the bad guy. He asks Dwight to arrange a secret meeting with his crew in order to make things right between them. Dwight uses Ryan's office mug, filled with pee, to paint another secret message onto another memo.
Erin compliments Kelly on her outfit. Kelly thanks her and says she can't believe Toby thinks it's inappropriate. Kelly thinks she looks like JLo in her way tight jeans and way tight top, high-heeled boots and gold jewelry.
Michael apologizes to the secret crew. He wants them to go down the line and accept his apology and then eat some complimentary white chocolate bark. Stanley says no one likes it but him. Michael says they wouldn't make it unless people bought it. The crew want their clients back. Michael says if he gives them back their clients then there won't be enough work for both Pam and Ryan to stay on as salespeople. They don't care. He says fine but he's taking back his apology. They say fine. He says they are not reacting at all as he had hoped. Then Darryl moves the paper away from their secret meeting and tells Michael to stop using his warehouse to build secret forts.
Michael then has to decide which person he will keep as a salesperson and which one he will demote. Ryan tells Pam he thinks she should get it. She reluctantly says he should get it. Ryan says if she really feels that way she should tell Michael that.
Creed tells Jim he wants to set him up with his daughter. Jim says he's engaged to Pam. Jim says he thought Jim was gay. Jim asks why if he thought he was gay he would set him up with his daughter. Creed has no idea. Michael asks Jim to meet with him outside. Jim is no help making the decision. Michael goes down the list of pros and cons for Pam and Ryan. Ryan went to business school, but he defrauded the company. Pam is showing potential but she has a shrill voice and lacks follow through with the whole art school thing and not marrying Roy. Jim decides to walk away after that comment. Michael makes fun of Pam's voice and impersonates her telling Jim to take out the garbage. Then Michael realizes he's outside, all alone.
The whole office is yelling at Toby over dress code violations. Toby decides to cancel all future "casual days." This causes an even bigger fight.
Michael calls Pam into his office and tells her that he gave Ryan the sales job. Then he starts laughing and reveals that he was just kidding and that she really got the job. She's overjoyed. He says she's the best person for the job. After he stops laughing he tells her that Ryan did not take it so well when he first told him that he had the job and then said he did not. Pam says maybe he should stop fake firing people. Michael says he doesn't appreciate being told what to do and she should clean out her desk. Pam asks if he is still kidding. He laughs and says he is kidding. He asks Pam to call Erin into the office for him.
In the closing bit Michael tells Erin that no one in the office likes her and he's going to have to let her go. Then he fake calls, Hank, the security guard. Erin is freaking out. Then he starts laughing and lets her know that he's just kidding. She reluctantly laughs along. She asks if she's fired. He says no, not yet and laughs again. Then she asks if everyone really hates her. He says, "I don't know actually." And they leave it at that. This Erin character is a refreshing new addition. Hopefully, she'll stick around for awhile.
The Office stars: Steve Carell
/ John Krasinski
/ Jenna Fischer
/ Rainn Wilson
/ B.J. Novak
/ Melora Hardin
/ Mindy Kaling
/ Brian Baumgartner
/ Leslie David Baker
/ Kate Flannery
/ Ed Helms
/ Angela Kinsey
/ Phyllis Smith
Story by Erin MacMillan-Ramirez
Starpulse contributing writer