On The Office
, Michael has everyone's attention in the break room while he tries to relay the story of how he quit. He's dragging out the details and taking forever even to get to the part where he's in front of David Wallace. Pam says to camera, "He finally has a story we want to hear, and he knows it." Michael tells his attentive audience that he looked David in the face and he said, "I quit," then he said, "You have no idea how high I can fly." Everyone chimes in with all the horrible things they would have said. Michael says, "You guys have thought about this a lot more than I have. I just winged it." Oscar says to camera, "I love a good quitting story. It makes me feel like I have control over my own life, gives me hope. Maybe someday I might have one of my own. But I dream." He hangs his head as he realizes that it's only a dream.
Jim says that Michael gave his two weeks notice and that ever since then there has been a very big difference between Michael trying and Michael not trying. Michael drinks Scotch while wandering around the office messing with people. Pam and Jim ask if he knows what he will do after he leaves Dunder Mifflin. They ask if he's been looking for a new job. He says he doesn't need to that people at his level use headhunters. Jim asks if he's talked to any of them. Michael says any good headhunter will know he's available and contact him. Dwight says any good headhunter will sneak into your village after sunset and cut off your head with a ceremonial knife. Jim says, "Right because that's what we're talking about." The VP, Charles, comes out of the conference room and tells Michael he needs him to go over his client list and correct any errors in data. Michael says, "Your I need ya to is my command," and then promptly crumples up the paper and throws it away. Andy tries to give Michael a parting gift. Michael guesses that it is a bottle of wine. Andy confirms that it is. Michael says he already has wine. Ouch. Michael knows where to hurt a guy. A man arrives and tells Pam he's there for an interview. He sits next to Michael and asks if he's there for the interview as well. Michael says yes. Charles says to camera he is hiring from outside the office, "For obvious reasons." Michael asks where the man waiting for his interview is from. The man says Philadelphia. Michael comments that Scranton is a long way from Phili. The man says that it is but Dunder Mifflin is one of the few companies that are hiring and it is brutal out in the work world right now. This makes Michael a little nervous.
Kevin is frustrated by the fact that a new copier has arrived but it is not set up properly and ready to use. He complains to Pam and asks how long it will be before he can use the copier. She replies, "Soon." Kevin says, "Soon could be anything, soon could be three weeks." Pam asks, "Is that what soon means to you?" Kevin says, "Sometimes." Pam answers, "Then come back soon." Pam explains that copiers go through normal wear and tear over a montage of weird things that the office employees have done to it like put quarters in the side of it or a cat biting on the cable. Pam says that they delivered the new copier yesterday but they did not set it up so she has been forced to go through the rather large user guide and figure it out herself.
Monster noises are heard from Michael's office. Jim says, "It's Monster, singular, dot com." Michael says a quiet thanks from his desk. Michael calls Prince Paper and receives a message that they are out of business after 40 years of serving the community. He crosses them off of his list in which they were the only other paper company he knew about. He says to camera, "What am I going to do?" Then he laughs.
Michael tells Jim that he is going to start his own paper company, he's going to call it The Michael Scott Paper Company and he wants Jim to join him. Jim asks if Michael knows the paper industry is in decline. Michael says, "Yeah I practically invented decline." Jim says he's not going to do this and his wish for Michael is that he finds a job with an actual salary. Then Charles comes into Michael's office and asks Jim if he is giving his two-week notice as well. He says no and leaves Michael's office.
Dwight offers to translate the German instructions for Pam. She says a polite no thank you. Dwight chastises her for being arrogant and says that it was attitudes like hers that got America involved in a war they never should have been in, WWII. Pam just stares at him then she asks if the German instructions tell him what the stapler/sorter thing does. Dwight looks it up and says it is either an incense dispenser or a ceremonial sarcophagus. Dwight tells camera that his German is mostly industrial and religious.
Michael asks Pam if the top of the Dunder Mifflin form could say something else. She asks, "Like what? The Michael Scott Paper Company." Michael is busted. Pam says he can give up on his dream. He says he has had it since lunch and he's not going to give up on it now. She says he could and no one would even know. He presses her for the information he needs. She says he can scan the paper, upload the image into a digital file then reformat the image. He says can't he just cut another paper out and tape it over the one he has with some transparent tape? She says yes and hands him the roll of tape.
Kelly corners Charles in his "office" and talks his ear off about why she needs to leave early on Tuesdays. Angela interrupts to bring him a brochure about an accounting seminar. Angela tells Charles that it was a lot of fun and they even had a Sunday bar but she did not partake because she likes to remain trim. Charles tells the camera he knows what kind of effect he has on women. If he gets this kind of attention all the time he might consider therapy to figure out why he's attracting crazy cat ladies and desperately clingy women. Kelly pushes Angela out of the office and says that Angela is such a special girl, "She's turning 50 this year."
Michael tells Andy he is starting his own paper company. Andy says, "No way! In this climate?" Michael says, "In all climates, it's going to be world-wide and I'm looking for some talented salesmen to join me and that's where you come in." Andy freezes, uses an English accent to stall then Dwight walks in and he distracts Michael by telling Dwight what Michael is doing. Dwight tells Michael that he can't commit to anything because of his farm and the travel time. Michael agrees saying that the not yet determined location of his company would be a problem for Dwight so he should stick a pin in that idea. Dwight says he would love to just stick a pin in it. And Michael slowly backs out of the break room. Looks like Dwight's loyalty to Michael was less about Michael and more about company advancement.
Pam makes a big announcement that the copier is ready. She drum roles on the side of it, places a piece of paper into it to be copied and gets an error message. The wind was totally knocked out of her sails on that one. So it was back to the user guide. Kevin tries to use it while she's reading she snaps at him, "It's not ready yet." He backs away slowly. She says to camera that she has sunk four hours into this copier and she's not going to let it win like that wireless router did.
Michael puts a note in Oscar's lunch saying meet him in the parking lot before lunch. Oscar complains about it. Michael says he made it sterile. Oscar chides, "Just because you wrote sterile on it does not make it sterile." Michael tries to recruit Oscar. Oscar lays in on him about not having a business plan, a funding request or financials. He tells Michael that most businesses don't make a profit for two years and then it's very slim so the CEO doesn't pay himself for up to five years. He asks Michael if he can survive without pay for five years. Short answer, Oscar says no. Michael asks Stanley while Stanley is in the bathroom. Stanley says no. Michael says he had a great time at prom and no one said yes to him them either.
Pam says she learned everything there is to know about the copier. She knows what all the buttons do even the inside ones. She knows all the error messages. She knows how to make a bound book with a plastic cover and pages in offset colors, which feels… And then she just stares at the camera and realizes it is totally unfulfilling to know everything about a copier. Charles discovers Michael's paper company evidence in the copier and has Hank escort Michael out of the building. Kevin says to camera he thinks Michael got a bad wrap, he's nice guy and he's super funny. He thinks he should tell Michael that before he leaves but he's all the way over on the other side of the office.
Michael tries to say his goodbyes to everyone before he leaves but Charles says no and escorts him out. Everyone watches him leave from the conference room window. Oscar says to camera, "And just like that as mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone." Yes just like Keiser Sose. Except Keiser didn't turn around and sneak back into the building after he disappeared. Michael did.
Toby says Michael is like a movie on a plane it's okay and "When it's over you're like how much time is left on this flight, now what?" Michael begins crawling through the office and trying to take some things he'll need to start his own company. The accounting department wants to know why he didn't try to recruit them. He says he was getting to it and ran out of time. He tells everyone that it's not him talking it's their future. He asks everyone if they are living their best life, if they are being everything they can be? He tries to get Phyllis to come with him. He begins pulling on her chair and rolling her away from her desk. Charles sees this and catches Michael. He threatens to physically remove him from the office but Michael runs out instead. Pam suddenly jumps up and say, "Oh no, I'm going with him." She runs outside to catch Michael. Jim runs after her. They stop in the parking lot. Pam says she wants to join him but she doesn't want to be a receptionist anymore. Michael says she will be an executive assistant. She says no, salesperson. Michael agrees and they shake on it. Jim is floored. They are about to walk away together, Jerry McGuire style, when Pam remembers all of her stuff is inside. Michael asks if everyone is watching them, Pam says yes, so he says they have to keep walking. Jim tries to argue but Michael says they're having a company meeting, so Jim says he will bring her stuff home for her. And then Michael and Pam walk away silently, looking a lot freaked out.
In the closing bit Charles holds an office meeting and tells everyone they had a company personnel change but that should not affect productivity. Then he places Kevin at reception until they replace Pam and he makes Stanley his "Productivity Czar" to help moves things along in the office. This guy doesn't have a clue. We just love that Michael may have looked like an idiot but he actually knew how to do his job right. And how could David Wallace have forgotten that Michael was the one with the Willy Wonka idea? And that he sent Michael on a speaking circuit to tell all the other offices how to do what he does. The Office will return in two weeks with two new episodes and we'll get to see Michael create his dream team and open his new business. Odds are that Michael will be successful and Dunder Mifflin will end up buying his company from him just to get his client list and him back.
The Office stars: Steve Carell
/ John Krasinski
/ Jenna Fischer
/ Rainn Wilson
/ B.J. Novak
/ Melora Hardin
/ Mindy Kaling
/ Brian Baumgartner
/ Leslie David Baker
/ Kate Flannery
/ Ed Helms
/ Angela Kinsey
/ Phyllis Smith
Click the pics for The Office's gallery:
Story by Erin MacMillan-Ramirez
Starpulse contributing writer