This week Pam is on the phone with a customer trying to give them the fax number to The Office
when Michael walks up to her desk and starts saying random numbers at the same time. After successfully relaying the information she hangs up and tells Michael that was completely unprofessional. He replies that they have no way of knowing it was him. Then he says, "Knock, knock." Pam says, "Who there?" Michael says, "Buddha." Pam says, Buddha who?" Michael places a stick of melting butter with a knife stuck into it and a slice of bread onto her desk and says, "Buddha this bread for me, would ya?" Then he asks for a handy wipe. Dwight says he has a knock knock joke. Michael doesn't want to hear it but Dwight persists. He asks, "Knock knock." Michael says Who's there?" Dwight says, "KGB." Michael is about to ask KGB who when Dwight slaps him in the face and screams, "We will ask the questions!" Michael hits him back and yells at him for hitting him. Dwight is offended that Michael doesn't understand the hilarity of his joke. In the midst of their fight Jim says, "Ding dong." Michael says, "Who's there?" Jim says, "The KGB." Michael tells Dwight to get the door. Jim keeps on saying, "Ding dong," over and over while Michael and Dwight fight over who should answer the door until finally Jim slaps Dwight in the face and yells, "The KGB will wait for no one!" Michael and Jim share a good laugh while Dwight looks at the camera and says, "It's true," while rubbing his sore cheek.
Michael comes into the office dressed as Willy Wonka and starts talking about the jellybeans on Pam's desk as if they are something special. Then he explains that he has had the best idea in the history of great ideas. He has placed golden tickets into the paper shipments that are going to randomly different clients. These golden tickets entitle the winner to 10% off their paper order for an entire year. Michael explains how when the customers find their golden tickets they will also experience whimsy and delight. Then Michael holds a meeting in the conference room in order to encourage the rest of his office staff to have great ideas. Jim suggests that they buy their own delivery trucks and rent them out on the weekends for profit. Michael thinks that his idea includes too many words and is therefore no good. Andy goes off on a "golden" tangent saying things like, "Golden Girls" and "Golden Grahams." And then finally admitting, "I don't get this." Michael agrees, "No you don't." Then he asks, "What will be the state of this company if I am the only one coming up with the great ideas?"
Kevin tells Andy he is going to call Lynn, who he met last week at the mixer. Andy says that's a horrible idea because it will give her the impression that he likes her just the way she is. Kevin says he does like her just the way she is. Andy says that's not what they agreed on. Jim and Pam chime in. Jim thinks he should wait a month to ask her out, Pam thinks he doesn't have to wait that long. Andy says, "You can't let a girl feel good about herself it will backfire on you." Then he gives an example saying, "Oh I like your dress but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair." Pam comments about his idea being psychotic then asks if guys really do that. Jim answers, "Not guys who have girlfriends." Andy fires back, "That's low Tuna."
Jim answers the phone and finds out that one of his clients found a Golden Ticket. Michael immediately begins dancing around his desk and singing like Willy Wonka. Jim explains that it's Blue Cross from Pennsylvania. Michael asks Oscar how much of a hit they'll be taking by losing 10% of their largest accounts sales. Then Jim says that they found five Golden Tickets. Everyone is freaked out by the thought of losing 50% of their largest clients profits. Jim doesn't want corporate to think he has lost half of his sales. David from corporate starts calling for Michael. Michael is avoiding the phone calls. Pam has to give excuses as to why he's not coming to the phone. She tells David that Michael is not yet back from a civil rights rally. Then she reads a list to camera that Michael gave to her with all of the excuses she should give in case he doesn't want to answer a call. The include: breaking up a fight in the parking lot, an Obama fashion show (she's not sure what that is) and her favorite, trapped in an oil painting, she's going to save that one for a special occasion.
Michael holds another meeting in the conference room. He says that corporate can't fire all of them so not to worry. Oscar says they can and sites an example, "What do you call closing down a branch?" Michael says they are all screwed. He has since changed out of his Willy Wonka costume and thrown it in the dumpster to get rid of any evidence connecting him with the Golden Ticket idea. Jim says he's pissed because he just lost half his sales for the year and he needs the money because he has a mortgage to pay for. Michael says it's not his fault the Jim bought a house to impress Pam, "that is why carnations exist." Pam answers the phone in the middle of the meeting. It's David again. She says Michael is not back from his colonoscopy yet.
Michael finally talks to David and decides to place the blame on Dwight. After hanging up on David he brings Dwight into his office and congratulates Dwight on coming up with the Golden Ticket idea. Dwight says no, it was Michael's idea, he was the one dressed up like Willy Wonka. Michael assures him it was Dwight's idea because he wrote it in his diary. Dwight says that Michael doesn't keep a diary then he retrieves his own and reads aloud about the day Michael had his brilliant Golden Ticket idea. Michael asks why Dwight keeps a diary. Dwight answers, "I keep secrets from my computer." Then Michael tries to convince Dwight that he did in deed come up with the Golden Ticket idea. Dwight explains that he wasn't allowed to eat candy so a movie that fetishized candy in such a way wouldn't have made sense to him besides the fact that he wasn't allowed to see movies so he never saw it. Then Michael invites Dwight to go to lunch with him.
Meanwhile Jim, Pam and Andy are trying to give Kevin conflicting advice about dating Lynn. They sit in front of the interview camera yelling at one another until finally Andy breaks from the pack yelling, "Until your heart is a carbon brick covered in barbeque sauce of shame and two hot people in a relationship would not understand that." Case closed.
Michael tells Dwight he's going to need him to fall on his own sword. Dwight explains to camera that he did that once while running with it in his belt and he will never do it again. Michael asks him why he even cares about being fired. He thinks Dwight is cooped up in the office all day long, he doesn't get to do his farming, and he's not dating Angela anymore so it doesn't matter if he gets fired. But the office is all Michael has in his life; he'd be nothing without it. Dwight asks, "What about Shoe-la-la?" Excuse us, what? Please repeat? Shoe-la-what? Apparently Michael has an idea that's not quite ready yet for a men's show store that would furnish men with their special occasion shoe needs. Special occasions like their wedding day or the day their wife gives birth to a child or for just lounging around the house.
David Wallace arrives at the office to seemingly yell at Dwight for the Golden Ticket idea, instead he congratulates him on the idea because Blue Cross called and they were so excited about the idea they decided to make Dunder Mifflin their exclusive supplier of all their office supplies. Dwight suddenly has no problem taking credit for the idea. David announces to the office that Dwight's Golden Ticket idea was the biggest sign of initiative the company has ever seen. Michael's jealousy starts to consume him. He starts barking at Dwight to tell everyone how he came up with his great idea. Jim says, "What? You're talking to the biggest Willy Wonka fan. He's been talking about that movie for years. We even made fun of you for dressing up as Willy Wonka when you came up with this idea." Michael wants to be a part of the meeting that David is setting up with marketing. David says he must be too busy. Jim says the meeting is for Willy Wonka fans only and that Michael has never even seen the movie. Dwight tries to lead a meeting with marketing to discuss how his idea came about and how to replicate it. Michael bursts into the meeting claiming ownership of the idea. Michael admits that he thought David was really angry and asked Dwight to take the fall but that now that David is happy he wants all the credit. Then Dwight and Michael get into a fight over who has more good ideas. Michael starts talking about all of his toilet ideas like "Toilet Buddy" formerly known as "Toilet Guard" which is a net that hangs in the toilet and catches loose change. David gets annoyed with the whole fight and says he's leaving.
Kevin talks to Lynn in the parking lot and tells her everything he is thinking. He thinks she has the best smile he'd like to take her out to dinner and a movie. She says okay. Then he says, "Nice, boobs." She just giggles. They must be soul mates.
In the closing bit Dwight tries to pull another knock knock joke on Jim saying, "Knock, knock." Jim answers, "Who's there." Dwight answers, "KGB." Jim says, "Sorry I'm busy getting ready for work." Dwight says he'll wait. Jim says he has to brush his teeth, "It's a whole routine." Then Dwight says he'll some back at 4:30. Jim says he doesn't get off work until 6. Dwight says he'll come back at 5:15. Jim thinks about it for a minute and then says that should work. Classic.
The Office stars: Steve Carell
/ John Krasinski
/ Jenna Fischer
/ Rainn Wilson
/ B.J. Novak
/ Melora Hardin
/ Mindy Kaling
/ Brian Baumgartner
/ Leslie David Baker
/ Kate Flannery
/ Ed Helms
/ Angela Kinsey
/ Phyllis Smith
Story by Erin MacMillan-Ramirez
Starpulse contributing writer