Pam explains that Angela placed several 911 calls to complain about cars driving too fast past the office
. The police decided to put up a radar gun that displays the driver's speed. As Pam points out, "It's actually caused a bit of a traffic hazard." As the entire office stands in the street watching as Dwight runs towards the radar gun to see how fast he can run. Michael set the first record of 12 miles an hour and was late to work because of the new toy. Dwight set a new record with 13. Oscar was set to go but Michael cut and went just as a car was passing by and put 31 on the board. Michael claimed it as his score even though everyone knew he was cheating. That's the problem with inventing new sports people can just make up the rules as they go along.
David Wallace called from corporate and told Michael to meet with him in the New York office to discuss "the big picture." Michael takes this to mean that he's in for some bad news. He'll be leaving Jim in charge of the office while he's in New York City for the day. Jim's first order of business is to stop Michael from putting his foot in his mouth. Andy came in and made a big announcement, the deadline for the RSVP to his wedding to Angela had passed the day before and no one from the office had given him an answer. Michael's response was to try and tell Andy that Dwight was having an affair with Angela but Jim pushed Michael into his office before he could say anything to Andy.
Andy took this the wrong way and felt as if everyone was shutting him out. Jim says to camera that it's been seventeen days since the office found out about the affair and Andy still doesn't know. He figures Andy will eventually figure it out once their kids are born with, "gigantic heads and beet stained teeth."
Michael can't take it anymore. He paces in the lunchroom as everyone but Angela and Andy try to eat lunch. Dwight walks in and Michael informs him that he wants to tell Andy. Dwight says no, that it shouldn't come from him. Michael asks, "Then who should it come from?" To which the entire office answers, "Angela." Michael of course does not get the message. He asks Dwight, "Are you still having intercourse with her?" "Did you ever have intercourse in this office?" Oscar asks, "Where?" to which Dwight answers with a knowing look, "Seems like you already know where." Oscar covers his mouth in shock and horror with the knowledge. It's just too wrong to face.
Angela yells at Kevin for screwing up a form. Kevin answers, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was doing something wrong, if I had I would have stopped and admitted it right away." Oscar complains that Kevin didn't say something at the end that tied the form into what he was saying. Kevin answers with, "I'm sorry I did such a whorish job on the form." Much better.
Dwight keeps jumping at the slightest thing that Andy says or does. Andy yells from behind Dwight, "That can not be true!" And Dwight leaps up from his chair, turns and stands in a defensive fighting posture, ready for the Andy onslaught. Turns out Andy was on the phone complaining about a wedding cake that he was going to be charged to cut himself. Weddings are such rip-offs.
Dwight wants to trade seats with Jim to better observe Andy. He tries to use a spoon as a mirror to keep an eye on Andy. He explains to camera that one of the Shrute family rules is to never turn your back on a bear, a man you wronged or a male turkey during mating season. There are apparently 40 rules the Shrute men must learn. Then he sings the learn your rules song which ends with, "learn your rules or you'll be eaten in your sleep." Ah childhood memories.
Dwight wants to force Angela to tell Andy. He asks her if he loves him. She says she already admitted to loving him so why does he insist on making her repeat it. He replies, "Because you're engaged to Andy." She thinks telling Andy is a terrible idea and refuses to do it. Michael gets ready to go to New York and he decides to tell Andy about the affair since Angela won't. Michael thinks it needs to get out so everyone can deal with it. "But you're leaving," Jim so aptly points out.
Michael has to walk across the whole parking lot to wait until he tells Andy. He babbles until he is safely inside his car with the engine running. Andy says he can't here through the window so Michael rolls down the window and tells him again. Andy is shocked and can't believe it. The entire office was watching through the conference room window. Now that Andy knows the thrill is gone and people go back to their desks to wait for the confrontation between Dwight and Andy.
Meredith makes her way back to her desk and says, "I knew something bad was going to happen today." Oscar replies, "You said that yesterday." Meredith says, "Yeah my neighbor got murdered."
Andy forced Angela to admit to the affair. He directly asks her if she has been sleeping with Dwight and she answers, "A little bit." He asks who else knows then he turns and sees the whole office staring at him.
Meanwhile Michael sits before David Wallace ready for his lecture on what he's doing wrong. When much to his chagrin David says his branch is out performing all the others and he can't figure out why. He needs Michael to tell him what he's doing right. Michael then decides to babble on about his philosophy, which means nothing and ask for the room to be three degrees cooler so he can think better.
Andy is still grilling Angela about her affair with Dwight. He wants to know what kind of sex they had. She answers, "You know just standard, nothing fancy." Andy says, "So missionary." Angela retorts, "I said nothing fancy." What's left?
Angela thinks that even though some people think they're wrong together they should prove them wrong. Andy's not sure that's a good reason to get married.
Dwight and Andy get into a heated argument about which one of them she loves and who she should be with then they decide to fight it out in a formal duel. Pam tries to reason with Angela and get her to stop the men from fighting instead she says, "I will respect the results of the duel." To which Pam replies, "Of course you will." And Meredith jumps in and calls the loser for her own. Jim's only options are to get more involved or use a sick day, which would leave Dwight in charge so he realizes he really doesn't have a choice. Jim takes a box and goes around the office collecting different weapons such as a sickle that Dwight taped behind the copier.
Dwight waits for Andy in the parking lot. The office looks down from the conference room. Angela can't believe they're fighting over her. She seems to be enjoying the attention, as if she set the whole thing up and was just waiting for something like this to happen. Kelly thinks the only reason they're fighting over her is because men have fewer choices as they get older. Pam is horrified. Dwight suddenly notices a note pinned to the bushes. As he reads it Andy sneaks up behind him in his Toyota Prius. Phyllis asks why Dwight isn't turning around. Oscar points out that the Prius is silent if he keeps it under 5 miles an hour. He says, "Andy deserves to win."
Andy pins Dwight up against the gate. They have what amounts to a fight third graders would have until Andy mutters, "I don't get it how could she be sleeping with you when she only slept with me twice." Dwight is shocked and hurt. He stammers, "She's sleeping with you?" Andy answers, "Yeah, she's my fiancé." Dwight says, "She said she was only sleeping with me."
They both walk back into the office silently. Angela waits to see which man has won the duel and therefore will be her man. Instead they both go back to their desks and ignore her. Andy gets on the phone and cancels his wedding cake that was in the shape of a sailboat. And Dwight throws the bobble-head of himself that Angela gave him into the trash. Previously the little doll was a sign for them to have sex, now it's a sign that they are over. So sad.
In one last attempt to access his stash Dwight retrieves a crossbow from under the office couch next to reception. Jim is too smart for this and is ready with the box to collect the weapon. There's really no reason for it anyway now that the men have worked out their problems and both dumped Angela. Unless he was planning on using it on Angela. Hmm.
The Office stars: Steve Carell
/ John Krasinski
/ Jenna Fischer
/ Rainn Wilson
/ B.J. Novak
/ Melora Hardin
/ Mindy Kaling
/ Brian Baumgartner
/ Leslie David Baker
/ Kate Flannery
/ Ed Helms
/ Angela Kinsey
/ Phyllis Smith
Story by Erin MacMillan-Ramirez
Starpulse contributing writer