Sometimes, when letting my mind wander to the various odd and fluffy locales it frequents while unoccupied (read: at my day job), I find myself smacked in the face anew by the sobering realization that, beginning January 16th, we are in a ten-episode sprint to the Very End of what many have deemed to be one of the Best Shows Ever. Indeed, Battlestar Galactica
returns in one week, with ten final episodes in its brilliant four-season (and two-TV-movie) run. While I'm obviously thrilled and teeth-gnashingly excited for new episodes, I'm also a bit antsy-there are, after all, a LOT of loose ends to tie up, and I've been burned in the past (haven't we all?) by a few certain sci-fi series that sputtered rather than blazed to an utterly unspectacular, dismally unsatisfying, end. As such, what follows can be construed as an open letter to Ronald D. Moore
, David Eick, and the other various Powers That Be in charge of Galactica's
finale, to the tune of "Don't Let Me Down": these are the five questions I most want answered as this beloved, critically acclaimed, mind-blowingly excellent show leaves my life forever (or, at least, until the upcoming TV movie and prequel series, Caprica
). Spoilers abound!
1. Who is the Final Fifth Cylon?
I'm confident to the point of certainty that the final Cylon will be revealed-and early on, too-as it's kind of, you know, The Point. However, after endless speculation and weighing of clues among friends-that maddening Last Supper tableau from Entertainment Weekly, Three's recent assertion that the Final Fifth isn't among those in the fleet, and the knowledge that Moore has quite happily whistled bold-faced lies to his audience in the past ("Starbuck's really dead, I swear!")-I'm tired of trying to figure it out, and I'm ready to accept whomever they throw out there. I only have one request: please let it be someone we already know and love/hate, and not some random "Gotcha!" (i.e. not Redshirt #5 from the Miniseries, or Kendra Whatsherface from Razor, or Dirk Benedict).
2. What the frak happened to Starbuck, anyway?
At the end of Season 3, Starbuck went crazy, had angry paint sex with the Cylon tormenter living in her brain, and convinced everyone except the viewing audience that she'd blown herself up by flying into a big space storm that may or may not have only existed in her imagination. Then she reappeared a couple months later with a shiny new Viper and Earth Radar implanted in her head. What exactly happened to her in those two months? Is she Starbuck the White, operating on a new level of badass Viper powers? Did she actually land on the Earth she saw and take her Viper through a Jiffy Lube before heading back? Did she get caught in the TARDIS's time vortex wake? I want to know where she went, who did what to her, and what she means. I also want her to stop being Crazy Kara and go back to being drunken, volatile, husband-stealing, Pyramid-sexytimes-having, Badass Viper Jock Kara, the Kara we all fell in love with.
Katee Sackhoff talks about her character, Starbuck.
3. But I thought you said Cylons can't make babies?
In the most recent episode, "Revelations", it was revealed that the Six we've known the longest, Caprica Six, is apparently pregnant with the baby of Colonel Tigh, one of the Final Four Cylons. Now listen, Ronald D. Moore: you spent all of Season 1 and 2 telling us that Cylons can't have babies with each other. Helo got dragged around in a rainy fallout cesspool for months and Starbuck spent time in a freaky fetus farm to prove it. And now we've got two Cylons making a baby? I would like either an excellent explanation, or a quick plot remedy, for the impossible Tigh-Six bundle of joy. Speaking of which, I'd also like to know exactly what makes Hera so special, and why she's the Shape of Things to Come. Payoff for all that Cylon-Human Hybrid buildup is deeply craved.
4. O Boomer, where art thou?
Poor, poor Boomer. She's got a sweet Viper Jock position on some old geezer ship where she'll never have to see action, she's got all these friends to play cards with, she's having a blazing hot forbidden affair with the deck chief, and then BAM, suddenly she's a Cylon and her latent programming makes her shoot her beloved Commander, and everyone hates her, and some little tart who was always trying to steal her man anyway kills her, and she has to wake up in a goo bath and be a Cylon, and she has trouble making new friends, and she gets blown up in a parking garage, and she tries to make things right on New Caprica but all her old friends hate her even more, and now she hates herself, and it's just so SAD. Last time we saw this miserable little thing, she was doing naked Tai Chi for a bunch of pervy Cavil copies. I want to know if she survived the last battle, I want her to have some semblance of a happy ending, and also a reunion scene between her and her long-lost love Chief Tyrol would be nice, thanks.
5. Just where and when and to what people did All Of This Happen Before/Again, and what did Bob Dylan have to do with it?
We keep hearing the thing about "All of this has happened before, and all of this will happen again." The concept itself fits in well with the Biblical themes of the show, and is a common enough device in fiction, but in this case, there seem to be huge gaps missing in "how" part of it all. Why were humans ever on Kobol? How did they get there? Why did they adopt a Greek-style polytheistic religion? Why, when they eventually abandoned Kobol, did some go back to a place called "Earth", which apparently nobody had ever heard of? And how did no one but a few scattered Final Four Cylons recognize "All Along the Watchtower" coming through the static on deep-space radio? What I'm really hoping for from Moore et al. is some kind of connective thread, tying together our reality and the BSG reality, because clearly, Bob Dylan spans both, and unites us all.
Also, this is just a tiny personal request:
more Lee Adama towel scenes, plz. You know what I'm talking about. Thanks, Ron!
The final season of Battlestar Galactica premieres Friday, January 16, at 10p.m. EST.
Battlestar Galactica Cast: Edward James Olmos
- (Commander Adama), Mary McDonnell
- (President Roslin), Jamie Bamber
- (Lee "Apollo" Adama), Katee Sackhoff
- (Kara "Starbuck" Thrace), James Callis
- (Dr. Gaius Baltar), Tricia Helfer
- (Number Six), Grace Park
- (Sharon "Boomer" Valerii)
Story by Meghan McCracken
Starpulse contributing writer