The entire staff of The Office is hanging out in the conference room hovering around free brownies. Kevin decides to take two brownies and scarf them down in two seconds. Angela mocks him, "Did it even touch your tongue." Dwight enters the conference room eating jerky. He turns down the brownie offer saying, "Fat and sugar, no thank you. I'll stick to my jerky." Jim asks him why he came into the room if he didn't want a brownie. He says, "To socialize and inform." Then Ryan asks Kelly if she's taking two brownies. She says yes but one is for Toby. Michael thinks that's really funny because Toby is in Costa Rica. Jim thinks Michael is kidding for a few moments and then tells him Toby is back. Michael walks back to Toby's desk. No one is there. Michael mumbles under his breath, "Yeah good joke Jim." Then he turns around and Toby is in front of him. Michael starts yelling, "No!" Although this was extremely funny it was reminiscent of Steve Carell and not of Michael Scott.

Michael sends a 911 text to his boss at corporate. David calls back asking if anyone is hurt. Michael implies they're hurting on the inside. Michael asks if there is any way to fire Toby. David says not without cause. Michael says, "It is be-cause I hate him." Very funny.

Pam tries to use the microwave and it's disgustingly dirty. She leaves a note asking whoever made it dirt to please clean it up.

Everyone except Pam knows that Jim bought his parents house. He asks everyone to keep it quiet because he's going to surprise her. It's a house from the seventies equipped with shag carpet, fake wood paneling and the creepiest clown painting ever, which has been applied to the wall with cement. It's "apparently integral to the structural integrity of the building," explains Jim. Andy freaks out over the fact the Jim hasn't told Pam. He says he and his lady don't have any secrets. Phyllis thinks it's romantic.

Later Oscar reads Pam's note out loud to Andy. They decide the note is obnoxious. Then Meredith decides that whoever left the note is rich, as if that's a bad thing. Meredith says whoever left the note need to get of their high horse, "richy rich." Pam chimes in saying just because someone likes things to be clean doesn't mean they're rich. Meredith says, "No they're rich." Nothing like an informed and intelligent conversation about shared responsibility in a communal workspace to get your day going in the right direction.

Michael tries to be friendly towards Toby. He fakes having a normal conversation with Toby and asks about his trip to Costa Rica. He wants to know why Toby came back. Toby says it was hard to meet people and it was hot. Michael says he should have gotten an air conditioner. Then in his office, Michael says to camera that he tried to be nice to Toby but it was like talking to an evil snail. He feels like Neve Campbell in "Scream 2" she thinks she can go off to college but then the killer comes back and starts killing off all of her friends. "I learned a lot of lessons from that movie," says Michael, "this is just one of them."

Michael and Dwight look up things that will get people fired. The reasons include sexual harassment, physical altercations and drug possession. Michael says sexual harassment would be the best way to go. Dwight agrees and begins to strip in order to be "the bait." Michael tells him to stop. Dwight argues that plenty of men find him desirable. Michael says, "If anyone was going to be the bait it would be Jim or Ryan," or Michael even but not Dwight. Dwight assures Michael that he is desirable. Michael is unconvinced. Which is more disturbing? A) Michael quickly naming all the men he finds desirable, B) Dwight stripping, or C) the men who think Dwight is desirable? The answer is C.

Pam keeps ranting about the dirty microwave. She looks at Jim and asks, "Are you inching away from me?" He says no. She says, "Hold your arms out." Jim waves his arms in front of him, he is no where near her desk. Michael gives Pam a note and tells her not to read it but to give it to Toby and to react to whatever it says. Pam immediately reads it. It says that she is too shy to tell Toby she loves him and to hug her and kiss her. Then Toby tries to show Ryan and Kelly his photos from Costa Rica. Michael comes up and slaps Toby's photos out of his hands and onto the floor. Then he tries to get Toby to hit him. Dwight begins yelling to hit Michael. Toby says he doesn't want to. Ryan and Kelly chime in. A mob mentality takes over yet Toby resists. Michael gives up and leaves. Ryan shakes his head as Toby picks up his photos. "You should have hit him. He was asking for it. Once in a lifetime opportunity," says Ryan. We know where Ryan stands.

Dwight suggests to Michael that they frame Toby for drug possession. Dwight once framed a raccoon and then a bear for eating out of the trash. Michael says it sounds awfully mean, "but sometimes the ends justify the mean."

Michael tries to buy weed off of some guys who move refrigerators. One of them tells him he'll sell Michael two pounds for five hundred dollars. Then Dwight calls the police and tells them that he has reason to believe that someone in his office has illegal drugs and has just come back from a mysterious trip from Costa Rica, it's Toby and he says his name is Andy. So naughty. The police arrive and search Toby's desk. Michael starts to panic and cover for Toby. The police find something in a plastic baggie. Michael tries to say it's his. One of the officers smells the contents and says it's basil and some dressing and mozzarella cheese, it's a Caprese salad. The police leave and Toby is shocked. He's angry because the officers were wasting time on this instead of handling real crime. Michael gets mad saying, "I framed you and you're worried about the tax payers." Then they sit down in front of the camera and do an interview. Michael tells Toby he's a big liar. He said he was leaving and then he came back so that makes him the biggest liar ever.

Ryan, who has been making out with Kelly the entire day, suddenly says he needs to take a trip to Thailand with some high school students and that he needs to break up with Kelly and if they could have sex one last time and if she had some cash then that would be great. And Kelly says, "Okay." This is all because he told Pam that sooner or later, note or no note, someone would have to clean the microwave. Pam said that's why they have a temp. Ryan said he couldn't possibly clean the microwave. He'd just screw it up. Then he fled to Thailand. Typical male. They'll do anything to get out of cleaning.

Jim brings Pam over to the house and surprises her. He shows her around. He tells her he has money to change the shag carpet and the wood paneling but he can't get the clown painting down. He takes her out to the garage and opens the door. He has set up the garage to be her art studio. She's overwhelmed. At first Jim panics and thinks she's mad but then she smiles and says that she loves it. She's so happy. "You bought me a house!" she squeals gleefully. How romantic. She asks if they have to use his parent's bedroom. He says no they can just board it up and say it's some weird guest room that no one ever uses. "And the clown?" she asks. No, he really can't get that off the wall.

In the last bit, Dwight describes the perfect crime he'd like to commit. He would steal a chandelier from Tiffany's then he would get caught by Tiffany, herself, and then they would make love all night. But he would leave her and escape to Canada. Then thirty years later he would receive a call about his son, she never loved another man after Dwight. They would plan on meeting in Paris but he would go to Berlin instead and stash the chandelier. We should worry about Dwight, we really should.

The Office stars: Steve Carell / John Krasinski / Jenna Fischer / Rainn Wilson / B.J. Novak / Melora Hardin / Mindy Kaling / Brian Baumgartner / Leslie David Baker / Kate Flannery / Ed Helms / Angela Kinsey / Phyllis Smith

Story by Erin MacMillan-Ramirez

Starpulse contributing writer