What can be said about "The Office" that isn't said by its writers? This is self-effacing comedy at its finest. The one-hour premiere was a chance to see what the office was doing during the summer. The main office in New York announced a "Biggest Loser" type contest. Whichever office could lose the most weight would get two bonus days off.

Stanley says he was going to lose weight anyway. He takes the stairs instead of the elevator, later he does leg raises under his desk using a ream of paper and still later he refuses to eat his own birthday cake, claiming his tastes have changed and he only likes Bakliva.

Stanley shows the camera crew a photo of him in his glory days when he was fighting "the man" and could eat whatever he wanted. At the end of the episode he reveals he lost seven pounds and even after the home office increased the prize to five days he wasn't phased by losing, he'll just take the time off anyway. In a triumphant moment he raises his fist and bows his head in a pose reminiscent of the Black Panthers at the '68 Olympics in Mexico City.

Meanwhile, Dwight and Angela are still having an affair, this time in the storeroom off of the warehouse. They use an adorable code system, Angela pages Dwight then they both go downstairs right under the nose of Andy. The poor schlep is planning the wedding "every little boy dreams about" while his fiancé is canoodling her ex. And to add insult to injury he keeps putting non-refundable deposits down on possible wedding sites only to get shot down by an impossible to please Angela.

Phyllis walked in on Dwight and Angela and is suddenly promoted to head of the party planning committee. Her first decision as leader is met with opposition. Michael has a fit over the idea of cake being served at a birthday party and suggests fruit instead. Cut to the saddest party ever caught on film. All the guests, i.e. employees, are standing in the conference room, wearing their little party hats, staring at a pile of untouched fruit. Then the new receptionist - Pam went to New York to attend Pratt for three months and study art so she needed a temp to cover her - asks, "Does anyone want to dance?"

Everyone slowly moves away from her. Later Michael replaces the new receptionist with none other than Ryan. He was working at a temp agency and Michael insisted on hiring him then grew a goatee to be just like him. Ryan is keeping a list of people to take revenge upon once he's back on top. He also tried to apologize to everyone he wronged with mixed results. And he's missing what he had with Kelly but she's too busy rubbing his nose in it and making-out with Darryl in front of him to get back together with him.

Pam connects with Jim via webcam over the internet in the best product placement for Apple computers ever put into a TV show. To her dismay Michael picks up the computer and passes her around the office whilst looking for office supplies. Michael is a true master of multi-tasking.

Kelly goes on the Hollywood liquid fast wherein she can only drink a mixture of water with lemon, maple syrup and cayenne pepper. This Hemlock turns her into a raving lunatic and she ends up passing out at a weigh-in. Later she swallows what she thinks is a tapeworm given to her by Creed. He admits to the camera crew that it wasn't a tapeworm.

The office gains weight instead of losing. Dwight takes matters into his own hands and pulls one over on Phyllis. He tells her he has a sweet sales call to go on. She demands to be cut in on the commission. He agrees to a 60/40 split. She grabs her purse excitedly thinking about how she'll spend her extra cash. Instead Dwight drives her five miles away from the office takes her purse and cell phone and pushes her out of his car thus forcing her to walk back in pumps. That's when Phyllis calls her boyfriend and suddenly corporate writes a memo reminding all employees the contest was a way to promote healthy living not starvation diets and ambush exercise tactics.

Michael dresses up in his Sumo wrestler outfit and only half inflates it then puts a plus sized suit over it and becomes "Michael Klump." He holds a meeting in the conference room and tries desperately to be the funny fat guy but the whole office jumps him for being insensitive and prejudice. He turns the ribbings into an opportunity to pump up everyone's ego and singles Kelly out for a pep talk, which ends with his head buried between her boobs in an awkward office hug-gone-wrong. Ryan uses the pep talk to sweetly state that everything about Kelly is perfect. She ignores him.

The new girl, Holly, lets Oscar set her up with his yoga instructor. She goes on one date and then he doesn't call her for a second. Her tickets to a Counting Crows concert are about to go unused when Michael volunteers to buy them. Then he rips them up in front of her, tells her he wants her to forget the concert and then asks if he can pay her back the next day because his ATM limits him to $60 per day in withdrawals.

The beauty of this show is you find yourself yelling at the screen as the characters do unspeakably embarrassing things to one another. You know it's a TV show. You know the writers wrote these things on purpose and that actors are portraying these characters in these made up scenarios and yet you fall for it, every time. Part of the reason the illusion is seamless and works is because the show is shot in a reality show/documentary style. As the characters talk to camera, wink and nod and answer questions you get drawn in and forget that it's a scripted show. Inevitably at some point in every episode you remember you're in on the joke.

Oh yeah, Jim proposed to Pam. He asked her to meet him for lunch at that rest stop off the highway where he spilled soda all over his pants. They met up and in the middle of the pouring rain he got down on one knee and proposed. Through a long lens from across the street we saw the whole thing go down. Then Jim went back to work for a final weigh-in, in which the office still lost the competition. And if you're waiting for this to be a joke, it's not. Jim really did propose to Pam and she really did say yes. It may not have been spectacular, but it was sincere, and that reflects who this couple is at their core. It's these moments we watch for and this premiere paid us back for our loyalty and then some. To quote Michael, "And that makes you all the biggest losers."

Story by Erin MacMillan-Ramirez
Starpulse contributing writer