Ahhh… to be a celebrity. Imagine how great life would be if you were paid millions of dollars to lock lips with people like Matthew McConaughey
and Jessica Alba
on the big screen? Imagine if you could fly to Paris at the drop of a hat, have fancy clothing designed specifically for you and dine at the ritziest places in America? Sounds grand doesn't it?
Now, think about your most embarrassing moment… perhaps falling down a flight of stairs or acting a little silly after one too many drinks… sound familiar? Now imagine if those moments were not only caught on camera but also exposed to the entire world? Hmm… being a celeb doesn't sound too grand anymore, does it?
Of course, we all know the infamous stories about Paris Hilton
and Pam Anderson's
sex tape scandals, Fergie
wetting her pants on stage and Jessica Simpson announcing that she doesn't eat buffalo. Unfortunately, some of these moments either weren't captured on tape, aren't available or are just too X-rated to post on the internet. However, we did manage to come up with several others that will leave you with both hysterical laughter and gratitude that maybe, just maybe, being a celebrity isn't all it's cracked up to be.
10. Paula Abdul: Drunk Again
Doesn't it seem like Paula Abdul is always drunk? During most Idol
episodes, she seems like she's about to fall off her chair half the time. However, her behavior on Idol doesn't even compare to her drunken obnoxiousness in this video. Right from the beginning, she slurs a joke about the talk show hosts having a wild party, when in fact, it's quite obvious who is the one partaking in wild partying. The best part is when she announces that "William Hung has a tremendous amount of art." Come again?
9. Kimberly Stewart: Motorcycle Wipeout
Apparently good ole' Rod never taught his daughter how to ride a motorcycle. He also never taught her that if she doesn't know how to ride a motorcycle, she probably shouldn't make her first attempt while cameras are filming, because the end result is that the cameramen walk away with a nice glimpse of Kim lying on the ground with her undies exposed to the world.
8. Anna Nicole Smith: "You Like My Body?"
This video is great because Anna is totally oblivious to the fact that she's making a drunken fool of herself. She honestly thinks she's funny. She comes out flailing her arms in the air and then proceeds to run her finger in between her breasts and ask the audience if they like her body. Someone needs to tell Anna that she's on a music awards show on ABC, not on a stripper pole at the Playboy mansion.
7. Beyonce Knowles: The Fall
One word sums up this video: Ouch. The combination of stilettos and stairs led to an unfortunate outcome for Beyonce. You can feel a great amount of sympathy for her while watching this, simply because this could happen to anyone. The best part is that after tumbling head first down the stairs, she gets right back up like a champ and continues performing. Way to go Beyonce.
6. Lindsay Lohan: Firecrotch
It's hard to imagine what Lindsay Lohan could've possibly done to Brandon Davis to provoke his harsh rantings and insults about her. Most of the words that escape his mouth are too crude to put into words here, but the best line is when he declares that "her dad is hotter than her" to the cameramen. He repeatedly labels her a "firecrotch" and goes into quite descriptive details of what that word means, while Paris Hilton trails behind him laughing hysterically. On a side note Brandon, what world do you live in where someone that is "only worth seven million" is considered poor? It certainly isn't here.
5. Britney Spears: Bizarre Ramblings
Ladies and gentlemen, here it is: the seven degrees of Britney Spears. It was hard to choose just one of Britney's embarrassing moments on tape because there are so many: the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards performance, driving around with babies on her lap, shaving her head, the "no-underwear" photos… the list goes on and on. However, this video takes the cake. It starts by Britney telling Kevin that she's ugly and that her jaw hurts (followed by a loud burp) and ends with Britney declaring that she believes that we can, in fact, go back in time like in the movie Back to the Future
. Her incoherent ramblings aren't even the kicker. Watch her awkwardly bizarre body jerks and movements as she speaks. Surprisingly, Kevin Federline
actually seems like the intelligent one out of the two.
4. Ben Affleck: "They Would Like it Better if You Did the Show Topless"
Note to viewers:
this video was actually supposed to an "interview" by Montreal TV host Anne-Marie Losique. In reality, it looks like one of those lifetime movies where Ben is playing the drunk college frat boy rapist and Anne-Marie is playing the victim that is desperately trying to escape. Highlights of the video include:
"They would like it better if you did the show topless."
"You usually show a lot more cleavage than this. What's the story, why are you covering it up today? You could be in church you should have that rack on display."
"You know you should work at Fox in LA. You'd blend right in, they'd love you. Fox LA they have a pole that they dance on."
"These breasts are very firm. Suspiciously firm I have to say. They are like two giant stones."
3. Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake: Wardrobe Malfunction
Everyone knows the infamous Jackson and Timberlake nipple exposure story but let's recap, shall we? At the end of the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show, Justin Timberlake joins Janet Jackson onstage to perform his hit single "Rock Your Body", and as Justin delivers his final line, "I'm gonna have you naked by the end of this song," he tears off a portion of Jackson's outfit, exposing her naked breast to over 100 million people worldwide. MTV producers later apologized claiming that the nudity was accidental, and although I'm sure millions of parents were outraged, it's sort of comical, isn't it?
2. Ashlee Simpson: SNL Mime
Here is yet another great moment that went down in the humiliating moments in celebrity history: when Ashlee Simpson got busted lip-synching "Pieces of Me"
on Saturday Night Live
. No matter how many times you've seen this video, it will still make you cringe every time. Once the vocals kick in a few moments too early, Ashlee proceeds to dance around in an awkward jig while her vocals continue playing in the background but (*shock*) her lips aren't moving! The best is when the commercial break kicks in, and they come back to Ashlee's lame explanation "I feel so bad. My band started playing the wrong song!" It's okay Ashlee, we all know you can't sing nearly as well as your sister.
1. David Hasselhoff: Cheeseburger Wrestling Match
Classic. Simply classic. This video makes you want to hand this poor mess a napkin and a gift certificate to a lifetime supply of AA meetings. Despite his daughter's pleas for him to stop drinking, he continues to wrestle with his cheeseburger and mumble incoherently, assuring her that "he'll be fine". The best part occurs right around 3:26 in the video. Watch the giant wad of saliva as it falls from his mouth into his lap.
Kiefer Sutherland: "You're A Pirate, Man"
Watch as Keifer Sutherland announces that he's a pirate while drunkenly diving into a Christmas tree.
Joe Namath: "I Want to Kiss You"
During a TV interview, Jets quarterback Joe Namath, apparently very intoxicated, proceeds to tell the interviewer, "I want to kiss you. I couldn't care less about the team struggling."
Story and photos by Rachel Burke
Starpulse contributing writer