For better or worse, sequels are a staple in the movie industry. Media franchises have the benefit of an established audience base, which makes for easier marketing and endorsements. Producers want to cash in and build upon the success of the original films, and moviegoers often get so attached to the characters seen in movies that they'll willingly shell out $10-12 for sub par movies that got rushed to the silver screen to ride the box office wave. Unfortunately, because not every movie can have its own set of action figures and lunch boxes, many sequels that deserve to be made have slipped through the cracks of Hollywood's imagination. Just in time for the summer blockbusters with their built in franchise opportunities, Starpulse is here to catch a few of those wonderful, lost, and yes, sometimes improbable sequels:
Themla & Louise 2: Honeys on the Lam
- What appeared to be a dramatic death with Susan Sarandon
and Geena Davis
driving into the Grand Canyon was actually supposed to be a really long, steep, wide-angle shot, but the producers ran out of money. This sequel picks up where the original left off, with the fugitive pair landing safely at the bottom of the canyon and continuing on for two more hours of robbing gas stations, blowing up semis and Harvey Keitel
The Day After That
- A sequel to The Day After Tomorrow
. In the wake of a ruined New York City and faced with deadly super weather that is strangely conscious of national borders, George Bush finally admits that global warming may be a serious threat and considers ratifying the Kyoto Protocol.
The Matrix: Reset
- Not a sequel so much as a do-over wherein the Wachowski brothers explain the last two movies of the original trilogy.
Titanic 2: The Surface
- Jack's back! And we all Hollywood isn't too good to make this movie. A century after the sinking of the Titanic, Jack Dawson is found alive and cryogenically maintained among the wreckage of the ship. He is brought to the surface where he is thawed and held captive until the day he escapes and becomes a fugitive in an unfamiliar world 100 years removed from the present that he knew. This one has a fan made trailer on youtube. Someone, please, make this movie!
Fully Baked - The sequel to Half Baked
. After a rough breakup with Mary Jane Potman, Thurgood hits the pipe hard in this ultimate stoner movie, wherein the characters don't do anything but smoke and play video games for 2 and a half hours.
When Harry Divorced Sally
- After years of faking orgasms with Harry, Sally ends up in an extramarital affair with yet another guy that she thought she could be strictly friends with. When will she ever learn? When Harry uncovers the indiscretion he files for divorce and a messy custody battle ensues over their equally unimaginatively named children: Mary, Bob and Joe. In other words, a more realistic romantic comedy.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid 2
- The dozens of gunshots heard at the end of the film is actually the Sundance "fastest gun in the West" Kid being the ultimate badass and taking out the hundred or so Bolivian policemen that have him and Butch cornered. The sequel then continues their narrative with the outlaws giving up a life of crime and trying to put their skills of gun slinging and knowledge of explosives to a more constructive use.
Alien vs. Predator vs. Freddy vs. Jason vs. Rocky Balboa: Cage Match!
- Get Vince McMahon to sponsor this one and who wouldn't pay to see this? There's something here for everyone. Besides, after Rambo Sylvester Stalone has proven he would not be above doing this film. In fact, get Rambo in that cage too-maybe even what's-his-name from Cliffhanger. Instant classic.
Kramer vs. Kramer: 2 The Death
- When the elevator doors close at the end of the first film, Meryl Streep's
Joanna Kramer has a change of heart and decides to take Billy with her. Evoking the age old rule of "no take-backs", Hoffman's
Ted Kramer chases after them and attempts to regain custody. Many years, court battles and kidnappings later, poor Billy finally gets away from his crazy parents and goes to college, leaving the two Kramers with nothing to fight over but each other. Throw in a knife fight, a couple of awkward love scenes and a car chase or two and this movie would be a hit. It could even have a happy ending with the Kramers eventually realizing that they still love each other and remarrying, and little grown up Billy finding himself in therapy.
Goon Dock Saints
- This would be the much anticipated sequel to The Goonies
. Now disenchanted adults with 9-5s, mortgages, failed marriages, some resurfacing drug habits, and, most importantly, none of One-Eyed Willy's treasure, the old gang from Astoria reunites some 25 years later. Brought together by the deformed "Sloth", recently escaped from a wandering sideshow, "Mouth", "Data", "Brand", "Stef", "Andy," "Mikey", and "Chunk" band together to take down the seedy underbelly of Oregon's crime scene…by any means necessary. (Note: Only children of the 80s will appreciate the name drops.)
Story by Mikal McLendon
Starpulse contributing writer