All great films have sequels. How else are movie studios going to squeeze audiences for every dime of their hard earned cash? Yet some movies are still without a follow-up. Beloved American classics are being left to fade into obscurity while Harrison Ford
wheels around with a whip. Brokeback Mountain
is one such movie. While film and real-life tragedy has made it impossible to continue the story of our star-crossed lovers, that doesn't mean new actors shouldn't be able to step into the story. It worked for Step Up 2 The Streets
so it can work for "Brokeback Mountain." Here are some actors and ideas for surefire Brokeback sequel success.
1) Ben Stiller
and Owen Wilson
in "Brokeback Mountain 2: Blue Steel"
Reprising their roles from Zoolander
, Ben Stiller and buddy Owen Wilson's characters go on a modeling retreat in the mountains of Wyoming. What begins as a night of gasoline fights and posing soon finds our duo learning that there is more to life than being beautiful - it is being in love. Look for a cameo by Stiller's real-life wife Christine Taylor
as the bartender who comes between the unlikely pair.
2) Zac Efron
and Corbin Bleu
in "Brokeback Mountain 2: After Graduation"
What was missing from the original "Brokeback Mountain?" Catchy Disney songs, of course. Watch as a post high school road trip becomes a summer nobody will ever forget. Throw in Lucas Grabeel
as the secret love of Corbin Bleu's character and this movie screams franchise. Campfire songs will never be the same.
3) Jared Padalecki
and Jensen Ackles
in "Brokeback Mountain 2: Cave of Horror"
Bearing no resemblance to their television alter egos, these two guys who are most certainly not brothers who investigate strange happenings across America. They only protect the love they share for each other. When our heroes find themselves trapped in a haunted cavern they must race against time to solve the mystery. What is lurking in the darkness? Will anyone be paying attention?
4) Brad Pitt
and George Clooney
in "Brokeback Mountain 2: A Dip in the Ocean"
Pitt and Clooney play con-men who pose as lovers to swindle a flamboyant casino owner out of millions of dollars. As the con continues the line between reality and pretend blur, and our loveable antiheroes realize the only thing more important than money is each other. Julia Roberts
has a cameo as Julia Roberts; she does not participate in any of the action scenes.
5) Matt Damon
and Ben Affleck
in "Brokeback Mountain 2: Boston Nights"
Matt Damon plays a Boston native who struck it big in Hollywood and returns home to find his childhood friend down on his luck. Offering to show his downtrodden mate a night on the town they are soon captured by NSA agents who mistake Damon's character for a missing spy. Caught up in a conspiracy that reaches the top level of government, Damon grasps on to the one constant he has left, Affleck. Watch as a friendship blossoms into an intensely passionate relationship and pay special attention to the places a spy can hide a memory card.
6) Jessica Alba
and Jessica Biel
in "Brokeback Mountain 2: Cowgirls"
Alba and Biel play rival farm hands who must band together to save their farm while showing the local cowboys that anything men can do girls can do better. Their teamwork culminates in a scene of intense barn lovemaking, where only the cows can watch. Oh and Alba's character will be stricken blind halfway through the film, because that will make their love tragic while still beautiful. Nobody is going to follow the plot of this film.
Story by Dan Chruscinski
Starpulse contributing writer