David Duchovny: My Russian Beer Commercial Wasn't Political

April Fool's Day Entertainment News

April 1st, 2008 10:25am EDT
Britney SpearsWith stories like Britney Spears being offered a $1,000 by PETA to work as their secretary for a day, it's getting harder and harder to tell what's true and what's false. In this case, the story is true. But there are a few other stories out there that may be harder to discern.

Don't worry, Starpulse breaks it down for you. The following are hoax stories coming out of the Starpulse April Fool's Day newsroom:

After swearing to a life of bachelorhood, George Clooney marries himself.

Hillary Clinton picks Bill as her running mate. Bill refuses and runs away giggling because he misunderstands the terminology.

Miley Cyrus reveals that she's actually Billy Ray Cyrus trying to revitalize his career by dressing in drag. He apologizes on Oprah for letting it escalate so quickly.

The Blue Collar Comedy tour and the Original Kings of Comedy switch places without telling their audiences.

Bill Pullman plays Bill Paxton in a new movie about Bill Pullman.

Simon CowellSimon Cowell sings on American Idol.

Ashton Kutcher gets a full-blown IRS audit, complete with back taxes so large that he's got to spend time in jail. Then, after a year in the joint, everyone he's ever messed with comes out in sideways trucker hats, tongues lagging, and shouts, "You've just been punked."

Al Gore announces his new plan to fight global warming by having everyone turn their air conditioners on high and open up all their windows.

Willem Dafoe is Liv Tyler's real father.

George Lucas is announced as the author of the new Star Trek; Jar Jar Binks is rumored to play Dr. Spock.

Jim CarreyJim Carrey is given an Oscar.

Fox announces a whole new line up of quality programming that makes you think.

Cuba Gooding Jr. gets a job.

The makers of the hit Terminator trilogy decide to find a way to continue a story that has gotten so out of control it is quickly becoming the next "Star Trek" franchise. Christian Bale will play John Connor in "Terminator 4." Soon there will be sci-fi conventions where sad people who would otherwise be unable to get any dates host "Rise of the Machines" themed weddings. There will be no stopping the uprising, unless, we can find some way to go back in time! Quick, send the Governor of California! Wait…

Kathie Lee Gifford is left out in the sun for too long and melts.

The Patriots will go an undefeated 19-0 and the New York Giants will throw the game away at the very end.

Paul Giamatti decides to follow up his seven-part HBO series on John Adams with a 15-part series on former president James K. Polk.

SeinfeldThe cast of Friends gets together for one final reunion episode of Seinfeld. Nobody can tell the difference.

Keira Knightley and Natalie Portman are spotted in the same room as one another, proving that they aren't the same person. Then they turn sideways and disappear.

Tyra Banks announces herself the winner of America's Next Top Model.

Johnny Depp takes his first shower since meeting Tim Burton.

Brad Pitt gets mad at Depp for selling out.

Amy Adams makes millions of dreams come true by marrying every man on the planet. John Krasinski marries all the women, but then goes crazy when they wont stop calling him "Jim from the office" and asking about Pam.

APRIL FOOLS!

Story by James Fagan
Starpulse.com contributing writer


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Miley Cyrus Goes Topless In The Desert David Duchovny: My Russian Beer Commercial Wasn't Political