Do you ever watch "Dancing with the Stars
" and find yourself wondering who is more famous - the star or the dancer? For every 90's teen drama star we also get a handful of models and singers who aren't so much "stars" as they are "available marginally talented individuals."
I guess part of the fun is realizing that the musical guests are generally more famous than the actual cast. This is why I've decided to create a dream cast list for "Dancing with the Stars." I tried to include a mix of "talent" just as the real show does, along with one or two obscure choices:Tyra Banks
If only to see the rehearsal videos where she is telling her partner to kiss her fat ass! Seriously though, Tyra would really elevate the competition. How will anyone else win when Tyra spends the 24 hours after the competition voting for herself 12,456 times?Richard Simmons
Maybe he can use this as an opportunity to get the less in shape viewers off their couch to dance their way to flatter bellies. Oh, and this would be the firs time one of the male stars has a skimpier outfit than his dancing partner!Miley Cyrus
That way ABC could put the show on pay-per-view and make billions! Something tells me we may find out that Miley is as good a dancer as she is a singer, interpret that however you'd like.Steve Burton
Those housebound female voters know Burton as Jason Morgan on General Hospital
, but do they know him as Steve Burton, professional dancer? I don't know if he is one, but that won't matter the first time he wears an open shirt. Watch him stay on until the quarterfinals!Rosie O'Donnell
What better way for Rosie to get back in the public eye than by dancing her way to glory. I imagine that she would be as graceful as a swan. Just keep the microphone away from her, otherwise the stage might turn into a bar room brawl.Michael Buble
This guy annoys me to no end, so he would be the Marie Osmond
of the competition. Plus, it is always good to have a singer that appeals to a very specific demographic, in this case I'm guessing the deaf. Joan Rivers
Honestly, if Joan was on the show I'd probably rack up a phone bill the size of a Buick voting for her. We've seen Wayne Newton's
permanent smile tear up the dance floor, so why not have Joan follow in his footsteps? Plus, every time they cut to the audience we can see Melissa Rivers'
look of horror as she realizes what time has in store for her.Bill Gates
The dude has plenty of free time and more money than God, but can he exceed where Mark Cuban
failed? Plus, I've seen pictures of him suggestively sitting on a desk. Gates has sex appeal. Oh, and maybe if he wins the competition we'll see Steve Jobs in the next season!Evangeline Lilly
Kate from Lost
probably has some free time with the strike so have her slip into some slinky costumes and dancing shoes and watch sparks fly. Also, ABC could turn it into a crossover event, where secrets from "Lost" will be revealed during each of Evangeline's dances. Tom Brady
Fresh off his Super Bowl loss, Brady needs a pick-me up. What better way than to become admired by women across America? While this may not make him popular at home, we've seen sports figures in the competition range from outstanding to entertainingly awful. Which extreme would Brady fall into?Tori Spelling
I had heard rumors she was going to be on last season, but alas we got Jennie Garth
instead. While she wouldn't be the first 90210
cast member, or the second, Tori has a certain charisma that draws you in and refuses to let you go. I'd find her performances to be hypnotic and would be forced to vote for her out of a mix of respect and pity. Hey, that combination is what made her into a star in the first place.
"Dancing With The Stars" season six will premiere Monday, March 17. Rumored contestants include Marla Maples
, Will & Grace
star Sean Hayes
, and Priscilla Presley
Agree? Disagree? Who would be on your fantasy cast list? Make a comment!
Story by Dan Chruscinski
Starpulse contributing writer