Imagine this: through some temporal anomaly, rift in the space time continuum, or other such unique phenomenon, we are transported to an alternate reality. This new world is strikingly similar to our own, with one major exception. The television industry.
In this time-compressed universe, every show in the history of television is currently in production. All original actors/writers/producers are alive. Each show is exactly as it was in its prime, although the number of episodes in each show's original run is irrelevant.
In this brave new world, where every series is in existence, the possibilities for a primetime lineup are endless. There are no network ties, so a schedule can be constructed with shows from ABC, UPN, heck even DuMont. "Shasta McNasty
" could be paired with "My Mother the Car." Imagine the possibilities.
Here at Starpulse we have decided to take a stab at constructing the "Ultimate TV Lineup." Of course, some of the all-time greats have been left out, but unfortunately there are only so many primetime hours available. We have tried to include an eclectic mix of shows so as to have some balance in the schedule. Notably excluded are primetime reality shows, game shows and news magazines. All are dead weight better suited for daytime (or a writers' strike).
7:00 Star Trek: The Next Generation
8:00 The Cosby Show
8:30 I Love Lucy
9:00 Get Smart
9:30 All in the Family
10:00 Hill Street Blues
No ultimate television lineup is complete without at least one "Star Trek," so Sunday night kicks off with "Star Trek: The Next Generation," which is the best in the franchise. The sci-fi warm-up is then followed with two solid hours of comedy. The dream pairing of Cosby and Lucy fills up the eight o'clock hour, and then things get a little zany at nine with "Get Smart." At nine-thirty we get the lovable bigot Archie Bunker
and company in "All in the Family," a series that is still as culturally relevant today as it was 30 years ago. Things conclude at 10 p.m. with the police drama "Hill Street Blues," a superb offering from Steven Bochco and the series responsible for revolutionizing the primetime drama.
8:00 The Wonder Years
9:00 Cagney & Lacey
Monday starts of with the one-two punch of "The Wonder Years" and "Cheers." The nostalgic dramedy would be a perfect lead-in to the show about a cozy neighborhood bar "where everybody knows your name." The nine o'clock hour belongs to another revolutionary police drama, "Cagney & Lacey." It was notable during its time for being the first dramatic series to feature females in both of the lead roles. It might not seem quite as groundbreaking today, but it is still quite a good series and features some excellent acting from both Tyne Daly and Sharon Gless. The night ends with "ER" because you can't have a TV lineup without a medical drama. You just can't.
8:00 Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Tuesday is a theme night! The theme is, of course, Joss Whedon
. What better way to celebrate Buffy's old night then to assemble the ultimate collection of quality television from the master? Three straight hours of Whedon! The only thing better than a Joss Whedon night would be a Joss Whedon network - but he'd have to get really busy in order to fill the schedule, so we'll stick with a night for now.
As an added bonus, "Firefly
" is not sabotaged by Fox in this time-compressed world, and so it goes on to enjoy the long and fruitful run that it so deserved.