Movies are awesome. Sometimes, however, a movie isn't awesome. Sometimes it should never have been made, and you shouldn't go see it (because it's a waste of money or you just want to protest). These movies have a high suckitude value, and this should serve as a warning to you all. If you still go and see them, that's your problem. The "Suck Scale" runs from 1-5, with 5 being amazingly bad.Meet the Spartans
The spoof genre was funny once. Scary Movie
was new, fresh and gave a new spin on satire. It proved to movie makers that if they insisted on producing garbage, that garbage would only become fodder for other movie makers. "Meet The Spartans" is not new or fresh or even novel. When does a spoof cease to be a spoof? When it makes fun of things that aren't even worth it and it is just trying to fill time. Whatever the case, this has the potential to be monumentally bad and likely will be in the theaters for a weekend or two.
Suck Scale: 5, This will be stupendously bad, don't even see it on video, it's toxic.
Rambo was a scary dude. He terrorized baddies from the Pacific Northwest to Thailand and was a sensitive guy too, spending time in Buddhist monasteries after he was done dealing death. I don't think either of those guys would want to see this latest installment in the Rambo series. In this hopeful finale, our geriatric and crazy Vietnam veteran has to save a group of missionary hospital workers. No more POWs over there? Not too excited about seeing Sly
huff and puff through a jungle and killing everyone he can see? Me neither
Suck Scale: 3, Don't get me wrong, this will suck, but the body count enthusiasts shouldn't be disappointed.
The EyeJessica Alba
hasn't exactly distinguished herself lately. She's way more famous for being pregnant than for any of her cinematic work. That may work to her advantage, as Good Luck Chuck
was pretty bad and may have ruined Dane Cook's
career (time will tell on that). "The Eye" is a new American interpretation of another Japanese horror movie that recently distinguished Sarah Michelle Gellar's
career. This one is a little too late as the tide has turned on these flicks. J-Horror isn't hot anymore, and neither is Alba.
Suck Scale: 3, This probably won't offensively suck, but suck it will.
Step Up 2 The Streets
First of all, what's the deal with the name? Were they only allowed to use four words in the advertising? Secondly, wasn't this movie made already (Save the Last Dance
)? Just because it was in a different city with two different students does not make it a different movie. So, in summary, this is the same movie that was made six years ago, and it's still about dancing. Guess what I'm still not interested, oooh, you got served!!! Yep, still sounds stupid.
Suck Scale: 5, There is potential for monumental suckitude here. I'm excited!