Perhaps the most perplexing question one can ask while watching "Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann" is, "Why is this show called Dance War?" By adding the element of singing to this competition, the dancing falls to the wayside and becomes a sloppy obstacle meant to leave contestants gasping for air while singing horrible boy band songs of the mid 90s.
This week, Bruno and Carrie Ann
were forced to choose their six-person teams out of the 14 remaining contestants. For those who needed math tutors like your fellow "Dance War" writer, that means one male and one female had to be cut. Before this could happen, however, the boys were forced to perform a group number, and then they were broken into two groups so their individual performances could shine through. Let the onslaught of cheesiness begin.
The boys were dressed for their opening number like an oiled up troupe I once saw at a casino called The Thunder Down Under. Vests with no shirts, drab olive green baggy pants, and chains galore - I couldn't differentiate one boy from another, and therefore we'll just move onto the girls. Actually, back up, a word for those in charge of musical selections - the 2000s have been a fine decade for music, so why reach into the linty pocket of 1995 to drag out the Backstreet Boys
' "Larger Than Life", and 1990 for the Black Crowes
' "Hard to Handle"? I'll even take a Nickelback
song at this point.
The lightening in a bottle qualities of talent shows such as "American Idol
" and "Dancing With The Stars
" shine through when watching a very un-electrifying "Dance War." That indefinable element that makes a viewer embrace a previous unknown like Kelly Clarkson
or celebrity has-been like Marie Osmond
makes these shows fun.
"Dance War," for the most part, lacks these root-worthy small-town folk. As the girls took the stage, however, a palpable energy came through the screen, beginning with their opening group performance. A "Chicago" style, behind a white screen start gave some allure and showmanship to their opening number, "Bad Girls" by Donna Summer
. Even their costumes, rainbow bright sequined mini-dresses, beat the boys by a mile. Next up were the trio and quartet performances. Once again, song choice alert. "The Beat Goes On" by Sonny Bono
? Oh no. Oh double no. Every teenager in America must have grimaced in simultaneous confusion. The second group got a song from the millennial heavens, however, and absolutely rocked "Lady Marmalade."
Carrie Ann and Bruno chose their teams, but the most exhilarating moment of the evening? Drew Lachey
talking about choosing the "sex," (meant to say six), team members. Now that is good television.
Recap by Tiffany Bagster
Starpulse contributing writer