Classic 80s Tom Hanks Film 'Big' Headed For The Small Screen

'The Lone Ranger' Review: Johnny Depp Is More Jack Sparrow Than Native American Warrior Tonto

Two Jews On Film Two Jews On Film
July 2nd, 2013 7:36am EDT

'The Lone Ranger'

Okay, maybe I missed something here. I have never seen the television show "The Lone Ranger" but I do know that it's about this dude who wore a mask, had a BFF named Tonto and rode around on his horse Silver, saving folks from bad guys in the old West.  

To the best of my knowledge, the show was not a comedy. It was a serious western.

So you can imagine my surprise when I sat down to watch "The Lone Ranger" and found it filled with one joke after another - and not very funny ones. 

That's right guys and girls, this is an action comedy, at least according to the press notes... And there is plenty of action. Unfortunately for me it wasn't enough to save the film.

"The Lone Ranger" actually reminded me of this little ole movie entitled, "Pirates of the Caribbean" - strange huh?

Not really, since the director, Gore Verbinski also directed 'Pirates' and the screenwriters, Terry Rossio and Ted Elliott wrote all four movies in the franchise.

Speaking of Pirates, Mr. Johnny Depp (Tonto) appeared to be channeling Jack Sparrow. But instead of wearing a pirate's hat on his head he wears a dead crow.

Now, I love Johnny Depp. I think he is a very fine actor but as Tonto, I just didn't buy him. At times he sounded like a bad Catskills comedian instead of a Native American warrior.

As for Armie Hammer (The Lone Ranger/lawyer John Reid), he was absolutely wonderful in "J. Edgar" and "The Social Network" but here, he comes off as just plain goofy (but I blame the writers more than him).

However, there are several characters in the film that I really enjoyed, starting with the "good guys/girls."

Silver, the Lone Ranger's beautiful white horse, did a great job. If there's such a thing as an Oscar for animals, this horse should get one.

Helena Bonham Carter (Red Harrington), a madam with an ivory leg that shoots bullets, is a standout; as is James Badge Dale who portrays Texas Ranger, Dan Reid, our masked man's brother.

And now for the villains.

William Fichtner (Butch Cavendish) the bad ass outlaw, who's the Lone Ranger's archenemy, is excellent. He has that whole menacing thing down pat.

Barry Pepper (Captain Fuller), the egocentric Indian killer is spot on... and last but definitely not least.

Tom Wilkinson (Latham Cole), a ruthless, immoral railroad executive, who loves a good cigar, a nice glass of wine, and destroying anyone who gets in his way.

The film is very long...over 2-1/2 hours and it isn't until the last 15 minutes, when the 'William Tell' overture kicks in, that I sat up in my seat.

But, by that time, it was too late for me to give "The Long Ranger," which opens in theaters, Wednesday July 3, 2013, anymore than 2 - 1/2 bagels out of 5.

Check out our video for Johnny's bagel rating and for more of our thoughts.

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Photo Credits: Disney