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'Dear Slim' - An Open Rhyme To Eminem

June 3rd, 2009 12:11pm EDT | Simbarashe By: Simbarashe favorite Add to My News
EminemDear Slim,

I'm writing this on behalf of many fans,

who once upon a time believed that you were it - the Man.

In 99' I heard "My Name Is" for the very first time,

and instantly believed it was the most entertaining rhyme,

That I'd heard since Busta Rhymes, back in 97',

but I leap-frogged you ahead of a ton of rappers- to maybe top eleven.

I was so friggin sure that you were the genuine article,

that I jammed out to your album way more than Wyclef's Carnival.

Gimmicks aside (and forget the potty humor), whenever your name was mentioned I would proclaim that He's Arrived.

The Great White Hope, the Incomparable Slim Shady?

You were gonna revolutionize the game like Michael in the 80s!

And boy, when your second LP dropped, it was over!

Top eleven? Now the debate was 'you - or Hova?'

Top three emcees alive? Nas, Hov… wait… Eminem?

Rakim still had a lot of votes back then, but to us, you were in.

"Kill You" was an all-time gangbuster of an opener,

and then you kept going on about Kim when you were choking her…

And "Criminal" - while that track was just as good as "F*** tha Police",

Everybody in their right mind considered "Stan" a masterpiece.

A MASTERPIECE! An classic opus genius work of art!

And then you rocked with Elton John at the Grammy's and showed your heart.

That's the way I remember Slim: ferocious, genius and hungry,

Even though "8 Mile" was "Purple Rain" remade, that's still an on-me!

Why? Cos' I saw it; opening night.

Paid my money, middle seat, and enjoyed it all right…

But then something happened. I can't put my finger on it.

Wait-actually I can! You started to double-track your vocals and used it as a stamp.

"Lose Yourself", all right, that was a pretty hot track.

But then it turned into your recipe for everything else and you never looked back.

And while it's hard for a fan like me to ever call an artist's work that I look up to as whack (see: Prince),

I gotta say, Slim, some of your later records "is whack."

In every album cycle the formula's been largely the same,

a mad-funny single followed by an album that put the rest to shame.

First was The Eminem Show¸ and it was… eh, it was cool.

Compared to the last one though it didn't quite break any new rules.

But you sold a whole bunch of copies, and well, I guess that's okay too,

Actually still a bit of an accomplishment in light of what Napster tried to do to you,

But Encore? Come on, man, you basically phoned in half the tracks!

It was the first time it had occurred to me that you might have put out something that was whack.

God! I was so annoyed that I gave you thirteen dollars!

Outside of "Toy Soldiers" I was convinced that you were a robber.

You robbed me! In a hip-hop way I felt superiorly violated.

I can't even explain it - it was like… The Blueprint 2 - violated!

You were supposed to be that rapper who didn't put out any crap albums.

But because your pedigree was fantastic it wasn't a critical problem,

And something that could certainly be salvaged…

Until of course the second D-12 album dropped; top-eleven worst hip-hop album of all time

The amount of disgust that I had at that album can't even be properly articulated in a rhyme

Cos' I only listened to it one time!

With frown because you were legally committing crimes!

Crimes against your fans for letting people like Bizarre rap on an album with your name on it.


Curtain Call? The Re-Up? OMG Slim!

Even longtime Shady haters were going like, "What's wrong with him?"

"I hated him before because he was about violence and hating gays,"

"Now he raps like he doesn't care and I'm super-duper amazed…"

Slim, I know I've written a whole bunch of negative,

But as a fan, I only do it because your people want a return of the positive.

So let me tell you what I want for Relapse 2,

Whatever rhymes you got, trash 'em.

Lock yourself in the closet until you get really pissed off,

Then come out and hit the mic like it's your last chance to show off

I want that simple, single-tracked vocal that was just you back when you were raw,

Forget the money, and bring back the days when you put the whole world in awe.

I want you to LYRICALLY MURDER fools - chop me up if you have to!

Just bring back the Shady who was crazy before the after.

So I can take your name off the top twenty list and pin you back in the top five, er - top three,

My bad. Show the rest of the world what I still see.

Sincerely yours,
This is Sim

Story by Simbarashe
Starpulse contributing writer

Image © Courtesy PR NewsFotos

(This news article provided by World Entertainment News Network)


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