Alex Trebek Nearly Quit Jeopardy

'Real Housewives Of New Jersey' Recap: Everything Is Coming Up Rosie

Samantha  Wilson Samantha Wilson
July 1st, 2013 11:36am EDT

RHONJ


Grab your popcorn, because the aftermath of last week’s gym fight is about to begin.

Joe storms home after duking it out with Teresa to tell his wife all about the incident. But before he can even get to the good details, he discovers that the part about Melissa tweeting something catty to Teresa was true, and it makes him flip out. In a way, he has a point. He argues that he’s out there trying to defend her, while she’s trying to give Teresa a taste of her own medicine. Teresa may be wrong, but Melissa shouldn’t stoop to her level.

Melissa has her own fair point, which is that Teresa is crazy bananas, and whatever she says or does, doesn’t matter. This all happens, blessedly, while Melissa is in the middle of writing her book about having a perfect marriage.

Milania and Gabrielle, the daughter who never speaks or gets camera time, are on an arena soccer team together. Teresa and her husband go to watch the girls practice, and discuss her run in with Joe. They come to the conclusion that Joe is being brainwashed by Melissa, and that he is suffering from a Napoleon complex. Teresa does not know who Napoleon is.

Caroline, Rosie, Kathy and Jacqueline all go to get makeovers at the Benefit salon for a Girl’s Day, but Caroline spends it hunched over in the corner, salivating over the phone when Teresa calls her for advice. She claims that she doesn’t want to get more involved with their situation, but there she is, making their entire afternoon about someone who isn’t even there. Rosie, voice of reason, is really not into this and just sips her champagne and continues getting her eyebrows shaped. Team Rosie. 

Did you remember that Kathy had a cannoli business? Well she does, and now she and Richie are taking it nationwide. The problem is that she’s married to a gross misogynist who won’t listen to her when she speaks, so her ideas are all falling flat. He literally says, “I married a housewife, not an entrepreneur” in his talking head when she gets upset that he ordered ugly plain boxes for the cannolis, instead of the pretty gift boxes she envisioned FOR HER OWN COMPANY. What an ass.

Rosie and Joe go out for drinks, which should be a reality show in itself. They talk about girls, sex, and their ability to go from zero to Hulk-smash in three seconds. Then they devise a wonderful plan while drunk. Since no other methods have worked so far, now Rosie is going to negotiate with Teresa.

Jacqueline is a having a really rough time trying to help her son, because it seems like nothing is working. On top of that, she feels like since she’s been so vocal about it, she needs to be an example for other families and a symbol of hope, and the pressure is really getting to her. Luckily, she has Chris to support her and tell her she’s doing okay.

Caroline is worried because all three of her kids don’t want to get married. What she’s not understanding is that they all said “not YET” and they’re all in their early 20s, so it looks like it’s going to be okay. She’s just afraid because Al worked through his entire youth and missed out on a lot of fun and family time. How will her children ever have fulfilling lives if they put their careers first?

Richie tries to make up for being a massive douchebag to Kathy by renting a test kitchen for her to work in outside of the house. The problem is that he never consulted her before doing so, and it just makes her angrier. He doesn’t understand why she can’t “shut up and be happy,” but at this point it’s not about what he gives her; she’s mad because he won’t listen to her basic feelings and emotions. Dealbreaker.

Guess who else is busy writing? Teresa. And it’s probably way better than anything Melissa’s doing. In the middle of updating her blog, she gets a call from Rosie, who wants to meet up and “iron out” their situation. Teresa is weary, as the last time she saw Rosie, she threatened to cut her tongue out and stab her. But, she agrees anyway for the sake of making up with Joe.

Kathy and Richie continue fighting when he starts nagging her about her sloppy housework. Apparently, she she’s started working, she has neglected picking up his messes, and he can’t handle that. It’s new and frightening. Kathy just wants to be heard, and he refuses to listen. After 21 years of marriage, things might be changing in the Wakile household.

Rosie and Teresa meet up for drinks at the same bar that she went to with Joe, and all hell breaks loose. Things start off calmly, as Rosie orders fruity mixed drinks and explains why they’re speaking. But she can’t contain her rage, and the words and fists start flying. People stare – it must be mesmerizing to see happen in real time. Now Teresa starts screeching like a banshee, and nothing either woman says actually makes sense. What are they fighting about again? Oh right, Joe.

But through their yelling and drunken haze, they come to an understanding. They’re friends again? Teresa tells her that she wants to go to a holistic stress-relief retreat with Joe so they can work out their issues, and Rosie suggests making it a family affair. They kiss, hug and make up.

Next week on RHONJ: Hell freezes over?

Grade: B-

Stray Observations:

- Why does Melissa immediately shut down her laptop and hide it under the bed when Joe comes home? Are things not so perfect at home, or am I reading too much into her taking a break from her work?

Best Quote:

- Teresa: “The worst case scenario is that she stabs me over 100 times.”

Photo Credits: NBC Universal, Inc.


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