Bruce has decided that he wants to buy a gun, because he needs a new storyline this season. It’s actually in response to the weirdo teens who “swatted” the Jenner mansion last year. Bruce is under the impression that these are real people who pose a real threat to him and his family, and he wants a gun to protect his brood. The whole family thinks he’s nuts, but they humor him.
At a family chiropractor bonding sesh, Kim gets a call from her attorney. They’re pushing back her divorce deposition AGAIN because Kris Humphries is terrible. It won’t happen until June or July, when Kim is going to be nine months pregnant. Dun Dun Dun.
Bruce will not shut up about the gun, and has dragged his wife into the discussion. He now wants Kendall and Kylie to take a gun safety course so they know how to handle the weapons. So naturally, instead of going to an actual shooting range, he takes the girls (plus Brandon, Brody and Leah) to a paintball course. Hey, you have to figure out a way to get all the Jenners in one place to get paid, right?
The gun craze has rubbed off on Rob, who reaaaaally wants a glock. Now Scott has decided that HE needs a gun, since he’ll do anything that Rob does (see the whole anal issue from a couple weeks ago). Kourtney laughs in his face.
Kris gets a panicked call from Khloe that Kim is in some kind of trouble. She landed at LAX and is in excruciating pain; Khloe’s in New York, so Kris goes to meet her at the doctor. Despite her agony, which looks just awful, Kim’s doctor doesn’t see anything wrong with her at the moment besides a mild fever. He sends her home for rest and tells her to come back the next day for more tests. They call Kanye and reassure him that everything’s okay, and he sounds mildly concerned.
But the pain still persists, and Kim’s doctor thinks that it actually might be appendicitis, which is very dangerous for a pregnant woman. It winds up being a minor infection that can be controlled by antibiotics. Kourtney lectures her about keeping her stress levels down and having more “me time”
Despite all of Kris’ protests, Bruce takes the kids to a shooting range to get them comfortable around guns. Kendall is freaked out about shooting, but once she steps up to the range, she’s the best marksman of them all. Scott thinks that the safety lecture was optional, and starts waving the gun around. It’s unclear why he thinks that it’s okay to point a loaded gun at his family members, but it’s probably because he didn’t listen to the damn safety lecture. He promptly gets kicked out for being an idiot. NEVER WAVE A GUN AROUND.
So it turns out nobody told Kris about the gun range trip, and she’s livid. There will be no guns in the Jenner household for as long as she fails to notice. Kendall is staunchly pro-gun at this point, and supports her father being the “man of the house.” HA. Kylie understands this and flat-out refuses to learn how to use guns.
Kim has written to the court and asked for them to move up her deposition date to sometime soon, because she would rather be not-married to Kris Humphries when her baby is born. They agree to what Kim is calling an “emergency divorce” and she rushes off to the courthouse. There she will face off against Kris, who she hasn’t seen or spoken to for over a year.
Bruce gets his way and buys the damn gun, no matter what Kris and Kylie have said. He and Kendall put it away inside a gun safe, and all is right in the world. Moral of the story: nag your spouse enough to get your way?
After the deposition, Kim and her friend LaLa go out for some girl time to discuss the ordeal. After all that nonsense, Kris never even showed up for the hearing. The future of their marriage is yet to be determined. But LaLa has high hopes for Kim, the baby and Kanye. After the heartache that Kim has suffered in the last couple of years, she deserves a new beginning.
- Brody only brought up his daddy issues once! He agreed to go shooting to spend time with Bruce so they can have a chance to repair their fragile relationship. Cool story, Brody.
- Honestly, if you were a burglar confronted by Scott Disick with a gun, would you even be scared? Kourtney would probably get more done.
Kim: “Maybe after all this is over, Kris and I can still be friends.”