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7 Not-So-Scary Movies

Samantha Greaves Samantha Greaves
October 29th, 2009 9:45am EDT
The Blair Witch ProjectHalloween is slowly approaching and you know what that means; a time for endless costume parties and for the sentimental ones, a time to cuddle up in front of the TV screen to get a healthy dose of scary movie marathons. Though there are oodles of horror films begging for the dust to be blown off of them, there are the others that are not worth pressing the play button on - simply because they tend to lack the scary in scary movies. Here are 7 films whose fright level is hardly lukewarm.

7. Grudge (2004)

The 2004 remake of the Japanese film Ju-on: The Grudge is the first installment in the American horror film series The Grudge, and stars Sarah Michelle Gellar as a social worker that relocates to the foreign land of Japan to care for a patient; only to discover that the house she works in is cursed. Though the movie has a good amount of eerie imagery and the quintessential creepy kid that shows up announced like when one is sleeping or taking a shower no less, the only thing that was scary in this film was Sarah's bone chilling screams.



6. The Blair Witch Project (1999)

This 1999 scary movie fooled everyone into thinking that there was a witch demon roaming the woods searching for people to kill. The amateur camera work and internet campaign that implied that the movie was a documentary gone wrong helped in making the concept of the film seem true but even so, the movie was more funny than scary. Though some fans say that that the film caused them to jump from their seats a few times, with the star of the film being the characters noses and slight presence of snot bubbles the movie did very little to scare fans; it did, however, start a new trend in filmmaking that would be attempted by many a film directors one of which being the minds behind2009's Paranormal Activity.



5. House on Haunted Hill (1999)

House on Haunted Hill was a 1999 horror film directed by William Malone and starred Taye Diggs, Ali Larter, and Famke Janssen. The story revolves around an actual haunted house that is haunted by a medical staff and its patience that perished in a hospital fire. The ghost would come back to haunt after an amusement park owner, Steve Price, leases the house from its owner for a Halloween birthday bash for his wife Emily Price; she gives him a guest list which he opts to shred. On the day of the party, 5 guests show up, 5 people that neither Steven nor Emily know. The movie has a great concept but lacked real fright. Though there were scenes that were cringe worthy, none of them lived up to the pizzazz of the movie's title.



4. Bones (2001)

This 2001 horror film starred West coast rapper Snoop Dogg and movie diva Pam Grier. The film revolved around the story about a gangster that comes back to life to avenge his murderers who killed him 20 years before. The movie also stood as a tribute to the 1970's blaxploitation era in African-American cinema. Bones had its fair share of blood spatter in every scene perfect for horror film fanatics, but the problem was that the blood did not look authentic and resembled red paint from Home Depot; eventually taking away from the appeal of the film.



3. The Happening (2008)

The Happening was a thriller film released in 2008 that was directed by M. Night Shyamalan (the mastermind behind The Sixth Sense and Signs) and stars Mark Wahlberg and John Leguizamo. The film follows a man and his family as they try desperately to escape a natural disaster. The mysterious airborne neurotoxin causes people to commit suicide after coming into contact with the substance. The movie had an interesting plot but did not have the normal twist known to appear in an M. Night Shyamalan film. The lack of an exciting ending disappointed a lot of movie fans who sat through the entire movie waiting for that one moment to be thrilled or at least leave the movie with a clue of what the movie meant.



2. Jason X (2002)

This 2002 science fiction/slasher film was the tenth installment in the Friday the 13th film series. The film is set in the future with the opening scene beginning in 2010. In the 25th century after Earth becomes inhabitable by humans, humans relocate to outer space and live on a star system they call Earth II. After a group of young students descend back on Earth, they find two frozen bodies; one Jason Voorhies and the other Rowan - a forgotten researcher who accidentally froze with Jason when he was captured to undergo studies on why he won't die. Once his body thaws on Earth II, he continues with his killing spree with a new look and a new machete. This is just another example of what happens when filmmakers exhaust a film series. Jason X was as boring as watching paint dry and lacked the important elements that made it a success to begin with. Besides, the futuristic Jason is just not scary enough it just looks like he upped his steroids intake.



1. One Missed Call (2008)

One Missed Call is a 2008 film that was a remake of Chakushini Ari - a 2004 Japanese film. The plot of the movie revolves around deaths that occur as a result of incoming cell phone calls that are apparently made by the recipient in the future, in the end showing the exact time of their death. The dialogue was interesting and the acting was good but the concept was horrible; cell phone calls that kill? Maybe the price of the bill, radiation, or the out of range signals could be slightly lethal but to actually kill is a little too farfetched. The movie was so silly it was made fun in the romantic comedy Forgetting Sarah Marshall. The only scary thing about One Missed Call is the movie poster.



Samantha Greaves
Story by Samantha Greaves

Starpulse contributing writer


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