Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream … it’s Summer and Honey Boo Boo is back! Season Two premiered on July 17th, and have no fear; the whole family is in fine redneck form. Mama June’s lost some weight, sending Sugar Bear into drooling lust. The girls - Alana (Honey Boo Boo) aged 7, Anna (Chickadee), 18, Lauryn (Pumpkin), 13, and 16-year-old Jessica (Chubbs) - are up to some new and old tricks, and Honey Boo Boo Child has some wrestling tips she’d like to share with y’all.
As much as I’d intellectually like to be disapproving and judgmental of the antics that the family gets up to, I just can’t summon up a single, well-bred, sniff of disgust. It’s heat wave season, may as well throw a little roadkill on the bbq, and relax with one of the most loving, close knit families on television.
In Episode One, “Mo Butter, Mo Better,” Mama June doesn’t ask a lot from the girls; two chores apiece, that’s all she’s requesting. When Alana, Pumpkin, Chickadee and Chubbs sass back while refusing to pull their weight around the house, Mama confiscates their cellphones, which leaves the trio with free time on their hands, and butter and oil slathered all over their bodies. It’s indoor “Redneck Slip and Slide; Extreme Home Edition” time! That’s another fine mess you got us into!
The family loves wrestling too; the girls regularly tussle and dogpile each other. Sugar’s done security for local wrestling events, so he gets them all backstage to meet their favorites. When Honey Boo Boo begins to describe the family secret “cup-a-fart” move, Sugar unleashes a killer blast that clears the room.
“Roadkill is any animal that didn’t look both ways before crossing the road,” says Honey Boo Boo. And what better way to save money on food can there be than to take advantage of a hog that failed to heed those instructions? Mama June’s delighted to receive the pork. “Why waste money in the store when it’s fresher and cleaner on the side of the road?”
The family promptly names their next meal “Logan,” before butchering the animal. Later, June makes pork and beans with Logan as the featured meat.
Episode Two, “Turn This Big Mama On.” It’s Sugar Bear’s 41st birthday. Suge’s not the demanding sort. All he wants is to hang out with his family – and maybe a little lovin’ from Mama June when the day is done.
The girls decide to throw him a Dukes of Hazard theme party, since it’s his favorite television show. They buy him a piñata in the shape of a pair of Daisy Duke jean shorts, and they all have a great time whacking the piñata until it bursts, spraying candy in all directions.
Later they visit the go kart track, and race cars. At first, Mama June is afraid, as she doesn’t have a driver’s license, but they finally do get her in a car, where she puts the pedal to the metal. Unfortunately, June gets stuck in her vehicle after it crashes, and it takes three track workers to pull her out. Undaunted, the Big Mama looks on the bright side. “I'm kind of voluptuous,' she says.”
Back home, Sugar packs all four girls and baby Kaitlyn off to a babysitter, so that he can have some alone time with June. He brings her flowers, and a candlelit Ho Ho. ”I really love June, she’s my woman,” he confides.
But June’s got her own rules. “If you wanna romance me and you wanna get in my pants, per se — new crockpot, new deep fryer, might get you to first base. It takes a lot to turn this big mama on.”
Despite Mama June’s protests, Sugar Bear finally gets his woman in bed for “some quality alone time, just cuddling and laying.” And like the romantic she is, she acquiesces, but asks him to “just be quick.”
Next week: Sugar takes the plunge and proposes to June! Will she or won’t she accept her Romeo’s hand in marriage?