'Two And A Half' Men Recap: Mamma Mia! It's Mom-Ageddon!
Walden talks long distance with Zoey, who’s still in England. They miss each other, and Walden gets rather lovey dovey. He also tells her that neither Alan nor Jake will be living at the Beach House forever.
Walden tells Jake and Eldridge they’re welcome to play video games on the big screen TV. Alan and Lyndsey have gone to pick up her mother at the rest home, which Eldridge calls “The International House of Old People, “ or IHOOP for short. Eldridge gets upset when Jake comments on Alan and Lyndsey having sex.
Walden comments on how calm the boys seem, despite both coming from divorced family. He was very angry when his dad died, and channeled his energy into learning computers. He made his first million before he was 20. That’s their plan too, says Jake, but when Walden asks what computer language they program in, Jake backs off on the million he expects.
Meanwhile, Lyndsey seems remarkably relaxed about seeing her mother, whom she describes as being like a hamster; they seem cuddly, but they eat their young. Alan says being around his mother is liking being in a box with a snake; you have to stay constantly alert. Lyndsey’s just waiting for her second muscle relaxant to kick in; that’s the only way she can stand being around her mother. Everyone loves her mother, she says, “She’s sweet, shy and charming, unless you happen to come out of her uterus. Then, you’re part of a balanced breakfast.”
Walden is outclassed on the video games by the boys. They ask him if he’s serious about Zoey, and he says that he loves her, but he just got out of a marriage and isn’t sure he wants to be back in one. Jake comments that it doesn’t matter how hot Zoey is, it’s about whether she stays hot. Walden’s also unsure about how he feels about being a stepdad. Jake says his stepdad is cool, always slipping him money.
Lyndsey’s mom Jean (Georgia Engel) gets a dig in right away, telling Alan he doesn’t need to be worried about impressing her; “when it comes to men, Lyndsey’s never set the bar very high. She’s always gone for quantity over quality,” she says. And the digs just keep on coming throughout the drive.
With nothing else to do, Walden hangs out with Jake and Eldridge. They were hoping to work for him after they graduate high school, as consultants. Jake figures they could tell him what kids are into, and then he could develop killer apps to target that geographic. “Demographic,” Walden says. “No, Republican kids too,” says Eldridge. They have an idea for an app that could be used for when a guy takes a picture of his ‘junk’ to send to his girlfriend; the app would make it look bigger, and you could also customize the photo, even adding little hats and glasses, or silly messages like “Wish you were here.” They’ll call it ‘JunkShop.’
While Jean dozes in the back, Alan tells Lyndsey that her mom is really nasty and sneaky, unlike his mom who wouldn’t stab you in the back – she’d walk right up to you and hit you in the face with a lead pipe. They wonder what it would be like to have both women in the same room at the same time. Alan gets an idea – he’s going to try and set up a dinner date for the two women to meet. Lyndsey’s delighted, as it would give them a break.
Walden turns down Alan’s invitation to join the group for dinner, and again finds himself hanging with the boys. They’ve been invited to a party in the valley, and wonder if they could borrow his car. No, but he’ll give them a drive. The boys have been working on a new app, involving timing how long one can hold their breath underwater. Walden points out that they already have a stopwatch on the phone.
Alan tells his mother Evelyn that his relationship with Lyndsey is getting more serious, and that’s why he’s finally bringing her to meet her. Plus, he thought she might hit it off with Jean. Evelyn is angry. “Alan, you know I don’t like old people!” He tells her that Jean is young at heart, but Evelyn says she’s young everywhere. What she hasn’t had replaced, she’s had tightened, bleached or trimmed.
Jake’s got the address wrong for the party, and they can’t find the house. They finally give up their search and head to a restaurant, where two of the girls who were supposed to be at the party show up. Walden points out that they could hook up with those girls, since that’s what they were going to do at the party. The boys are grateful, since they would never have figured that out on their own.
It seems like Jean and Evelyn have absolutely nothing in common. Evelyn’s a world traveler, while Jean’s idea of a big trip is Disneyland. And Evelyn makes a point of talking about her spectacular sex life, graphically. But by the time the bill arrives, Jean’s asking Lyndsey to take her to get a ‘tramp stamp.’ She wants a cute little tattoo on her back, just like Evelyn’s.
Evelyn and Jean want to carry on the night at a bar where there’s music and dancing, but Alan and Lyndsey want to go home, as they have to work the next day. The older ladies decide they’ll go on their own.
The next morning, at Lyndsey’s home, Jean comes to breakfast in her bathrobe, in a fantastic mood. She loves Evelyn, she tells Alan. Just then, Evelyn walks into the kitchen, and gives Jean a big kiss. It’s clear Evelyn and Jean have spent the night together. Alan apologizes to Lyndsey once again for bringing his mother into her life.
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