Is Zoey going a little loony? Jackie can’t understand why Zoey is getting so upset over some regular visitors to the ER, and then can’t understand why Eddie is texting Tunie. Hang on – maybe Jackie is the one getting a little loony! Jackie warns Eddie that Tunie was up half the night, hacking in to her ex-boyfriend, the pilot’s, email. But go for it, if that’s what you want. He offers her valium, to take the edge off. “There is no edge,” she says, then races off to where she’s hidden the last of her private stash, in a ceiling tile in an unused office.
The stash, the last of the pills she stole from the epileptic drug dealer last season, have held out for a remarkably long time. But she’s down to her last nine days’ worth of pills, and some pills have rat nibble prints.
Doctors O’Hara and Coop race in to the ER with a male gunshot wound patient. The patient doesn’t make it. Coop takes the opportunity to point out that the patient died, despite the presence of two doctors. He’s still fighting for the Chief position, unaware that O’Hara has actually taken the job.
Zoey’s nemeses, Candice and Natasha (Cantasha to staff) harangue Zoey and Sam about their long wait in the ER. Candice insists that Natasha’s asthmatic, and that the hospital already has all of their necessary paperwork. Sam tells Jackie that he’s seen this duo at every hospital he’s ever temped. Jackie tells them that, the more hospital visits they make, the more social assistance they receive. When O’Hara examines Natasha, she pronounces her in tip top condition, although Candice insists the child has chronic asthma. Instead of dealing with either the hypochondria or Munchausen’s by Proxy syndrome, O’Hara and Jackie try to interest the child in becoming either a doctor or a nurse.
Akalitus appears, telling Jackie she wants to see her and Thor in the chapel in half an hour. Thor is snippy with Jackie, saying that her brush off earlier that day was dismissive. She talked to him like he was Zoey! AND she never told him that she was married! Akalitus has a little job for Jackie and Thor; she wants one of the statues that will be taken to the Staten Island warehouse. She relates to the Mary figure; she’s tall, not judgmental, and has a lot on her mind. “Strap Mary to the dolly and follow me,” she orders Thor. They take the statue to the pharmacy, where Eddie is chatting with Tunie on the phone.
Coop is giddily having lunch with his two moms, guest stars Swoosie Kurtz and Judith Light. He’s taken a thousand photos since they arrived. He attacks his favourite pancakes like a four year old, while the moms ask about his prospective promotion to ER Chief. Playing devil’s advocate, Mom1 asks why they would choose him, a doctor, over O’Hara, a surgeon. “It’s about leadership, Mom,” grins Coop. Mom2 thinks Mom1 is being negative, but Mom1 just wants him to be realistic. Really, it’s like dealing with a teenager, as Mom1 says Coop’s always quit things if they don’t go well. Even worse, they’ve called this lunch to announce their breakup. He’s devastated and close to tears, then takes a rowboat out to the middle of Central Park for a good sulk.
O’Hara and Jackie chat with Lou, last week’s unemployed job seeker, who apparently can’t stop falling. It seems he has a problem with hypertension, and no money for medication. O’Hara gives him a year’s worth of pills. Later, Lou returns to the ER, and tells Jackie he feels like he’s going to do something stupid. Jackie jumps the queue for a psychiatric evaluation by promising the intake nurse flu shots and anti-nausea pills for her kids and mother. She then takes his broken glasses, and returns later with a new pair.
As Zoey prepares to take a big bite of her sandwich, a rat falls from the ceiling, either stoned on Jackie’s pills, or dead. Jackie vindictively flushes the rodent down the toilet.
As Jackie is leaving the hospital, Coop returns, wearing sunglasses to hide his red eyes, and falls on Jackie, hugging her for comfort. Jackie stoically, but stiffly, lets him sob his heart out on her shoulder, then retreats to the drug store to meet Dealer Bill. She gives him $200. Spinning a 30 day ‘chip,’ indicating 30 days clean and sober, Bill tells her his client didn’t receive the chip, because she’s dead. He then passes her the chip, in a little blue box. Underneath the chip is a day’s worth of pills. “I’m rooting for you,” grins Bill.