Review: 'Ted' Makes It Cute To Be Crass
At first glance, the premise seems as dumb as…oh…I don’t know, a vampire killing president or Mel Gibson’s relations with a puppet. However, the difference with this piece is Seth MacFarlane! Need I say more? The “Family Guy” and “American Dad” creator carries lots of testicular weight as he juggles many hats on his very first feature film. Going all the way with this cuddly, yet crude R-rated comedy, MacFarlane’s humoristic genius flares like a pack of raging hemorrhoids!
Let's make one thing clear: “Ted” may seem cutesy with a teddy bear and Marky Mark, but the truth is it’s not the type of film geared towards your little ones - they could wind up suffering with a severe case of PTSD. “Ted” is by far the funniest comedic screenplay of the year thus far; compliments to the funniest teddy bear I’ve ever known during my 37 years of life! “Ted” follows a simple, subtle story about a teddy bear and a man-boy in his mid 30s.
From the start, this crass piece gives you what it’s all about. A soothing, comforting narration provided by Patrick Stewart harshly introduces us to a young John Bennett – a boy who’s so unpopular and disliked, he's shooed away even when approaching a group of kids who would gladly embrace others to join in on their anti-Semitic act.
Feeling down, all John wants is a friend. Don’t we all? His wish is granted during a Christmas night when tucked in his room, he embraces a large talking teddy bear he received as a gift. Naming him Teddy, he makes a wish that later turns out to be a life-changing experience.
Blending ups and downs as years go by, a much older, defamed Teddy and seriously in-love John (Mark Wahlberg) live parallel lives, surviving as best they can, and sharing an obsession with “Flash Gordon.”
MacFarlane’s debut into the world of feature film is a hit. Without holding back, a lot of the laugh-out-loud moments obviously are provided by the fuzzy, cute, cuddly, hooker banging, vile teddy-bear. With a hardcore BA-ston accent and mind that goes in all sorts of directions, Teddy holds it down!
Balancing pretty good chemistry between Wahlberg, Mila Kunis and CGI, MacFarlane has the ability to keep the film going without any kind of boredom or downers. Despite a continuity issue, and ok – but not so appealing – subplots involving Giovanni Ribisi as a creepy dad looking to please his spoiled, fat, little son and cliché involving the boss (Joel McHale) wanting the already taken girl - the movie maintains its comedy and strength.
In a nutshell, this is pretty much a film-based piece on “Family Guy.” The difference is instead of a baby and dog it's a man and his teddy bear. The film has just about every single insulting punchline you can image, yet it seems so sweet and accepted when provided by a cute little Pooh-looking stuffed animal – and that’s only part of it. Why? Well, let's just say aside from the potty mouth, there are wild parties with unexpected twists, an interesting cameo, sex, fights, drugs and a hysterical moment where MacFarlane pays homage to 90s music and a CLASSIC comedy film.
Seth MacFarlane is a breath of fresh air when it comes to R-rated comedies. His unique take on child-like characters brought forth in vile form is brilliant. It’s totally a film one needs to dislocate their brain on and have an open minded sense of humor. Therefore, if you’re a conservative prude always quoting bible verses and find just about anything and everything “un-Godly,” stay away! This is “hell” on humorous, fuzzy wheels!
Grade: A- / Genre: Live action/CG-animated comedy / Rated: R / Run Time: 1 Hr. 55 Min.
Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Joel McHale, Giovanni Ribisi and Seth MacFarlane as Ted
Directed by: Seth MacFarlane
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