Sometimes, two ladies make out with each other in major motion pictures. Other times, they not only make out with each other — they simulate sexual intercourse with each other. AND because the Internet exists, each of those instances is easily accessible to everybody with a computer, context-free. I know, right? And some people claim to be "pessimists?" (laughs to himself.)
A ranking of such scenes is an inexact science, but we've created a surefire formula at NextMovie: Which do we like the most?
Gentlemen (and ladies), start your history deletions!
Dr. Christian Bale is engaged to Kate Beckinsale. There's a colleague of Bale's who wishes to have carnal relations with him. What's worse (better?), that colleague is Natasha McElhone. Beckinsale is jealous of this, so she does what any vengeful person would do in that situation: kiss her fiance's mom (Frances McDormand) in a pool with a 90-pound British punk rocker watching. We've all been there.
Reportedly, director Woody Allen told his actors (Scarlett Johansson, Penelope Cruz and, later, Javier Bardem) in this scene, "Okay, so you're all just gonna kiss a little, okay? Is that, is that gonna make you uncomfortable? Would it make you all feel a little bit more settled if I took my shirt off and we made it a foursome like in golf? Just pretend I'm not here and roll with it. Improvise, have some fun. You're all unbelievably good-looking anyway I mean God it's like I just walked in on Helen of Troy's Thanksgiving dinner. Am I aroused? She's asking me if I'm aroused — of course I'm aroused!"
Someone tuned the below video to Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl," and I'm going to guess that it was intentional considering the below video features two people who are each kissing a girl. Spoiler: It's Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried, and they're kissing each other, because life is short. And also because everything else in "Jennifer's Body" isn't watchable.
The title of the below video is "Romantic Scene From Hottest Movie," so you know it must be good, and it is. Salma Hayek bravely portrays a woman (Frida) with Salma Hayek's exact physical features except that she has a unibrow, and future United States senator Ashley Judd (D-KY) somehow sees past all that and still manages to work up the nerve to kiss her. The true meaning of being a thesbian. (See what I did there? You knew clicking on this article was the right decision!)
Kerry Washington and Dania Ramirez march straight to Poundtown. Not pictured: Washington's boyfriend Anthony Mackie walks in on the proceedings and is for some reason upset with what's unfolding in front of him instead of calling all of his friends and bragging about his life (perhaps it was left on the cutting room floor?). Special thanks to the uploader of the below video, who apparently used his circa 1999 Nokia cell phone to film and upload the scene just after he beat his own personal high score in "Snake II."
We've reached the full-fledged NSFW part of the countdown! Wash your hands and give yourself a pat on the back. (Although if you've been following along at work up until this point, you're probably fired and definitely on notice.) Sarandon and Deneuve get down to opera music in a bathtub. Sounds like the name of a terrible Williamsburg band's debut album, but it's actually what happens in the below video (which again is NSFW unless you work here).
The second NSFW clip on our countdown features Emily Blunt in one of her earlier acting roles, having fallen in love with Natalie Press during a fateful summer and deciding to go and take off her shirt about it or something. The clip also begins with Emily Blunt smoking a blunt, so don't say that the uploader is without a sense of humor even though she scores self-edited YouTube videos with The Cure.
6. Gina Gershon and Jennifer Tilly, 'Bound' (1996)
When I told a friend I was about to write this article, he asked if I was going to call it "Gina Gershon's Acting Reel," so I suppose Gina has a reputation for this type of scene? Or maybe that friend just recently watched Gina seduce Nomi Malone? Either way, the below video (which is, you guessed it, NSFW) features Gina putting her hand all over Jennifer Tilly's no-no parts and Tilly giving her seal of approval by wildly moaning in her vintage "either Jennifer Tilly or a Star Wars character" voice.
5. Angelina Jolie and Elizabeth Mitchell, 'Gia' (1998)
Here is Angelina Jolie as '70s fashion model Gia Carangi, who was I guess known for hurling her naked body into indoor chain link fences. Elizabeth Mitchell plays her love interest, and after some initial reservations, she decides she's super into indoor chain link fences as well. This all makes for one delightfully weird NSFW clip in which their threesome (Jolie, Mitchell, indoor chain link fence) is scored with porn music.
4. Amanda Seyfried and Julianne Moore, 'Chloe' (2009)
Amanda Seyfried makes her second appearance on this list with "Chloe," in which she shows Julianne Moore a thing or two about starring in clips that are only made available on DailyMotion. Moore had hired Seyfried to seduce her husband (Liam Neeson, fulfilling his "appear in every movie ever made" quota) to see if he would cheat on her, and it turns out Moore wants in on some of the action as well. And while it may be NSFW, it's also a great conversation starter with your boss. ("Have you seen 'Chloe'? My God! I know, I usually read NextMovie for the articles, too, but yikes!")
While there is another famous scene from this movie involving Matt Dillon and a bottle of champagne, we're going to stick with the NSFW video below, in which Denise Richards and Neve Campbell make out with each other topless in a pool while creepy Kevin Bacon (hooking Richards and Campbell up in the "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" game) secretly films the happenings on his camcorder like it's Christmas morning. "Oh, it was," said creepy Kevin Bacon, probably.
David Lynch's cult classic neo noir features mystery, intrigue and a scene where Naomi Watts and Laura Harring get their **** on. Something for everyone! Mr. Lynch, what do you have to say for yourself?
This weekend I'm going to try to find out if I'm connected to the moon.
When "Black Swan" isn't about Natalie Portman's mother cutting Portman's fingernails in the most nauseatingly disgusting manner humanly possible, it's about the bizarre relationship between her character and that of Mila Kunis, who eventually spend a night out on the town culminating in a tryst back at Portman's, featured below. Portman would go on to win the Oscar for Best Actress in a Leading Role for the film, which just goes to show any young aspiring actress that all you need to do to be successful is to convince Mila Kunis to have sex with you on camera.