MatthewJ Swanson MatthewJ Swanson
Starpulse Contributing Writer
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'Bachelorette' Recap: 10 Things You Don't Want To Happen When Meeting The Family

June 30th, 2009 3:17pm EDT
The Bachelorette
Jillian met the guys' families on The Bachelorette this week, and it got us thinking about some rules these families, and the bachelors, should have followed.

Check out our list of 10 things you don't want to happen when meeting the family on a reality show:

10. Your father (Kiptyn's) writes and performs a piss-poor "Bachelorette Blues" song for her, embarrassing the hell out of you. Then your mom joins in on the bongos, thoroughly embarrassing you.

9. He (Michael) has a twin brother and tries to go upstairs to change clothes with him in an attempt to weasel information out of you...
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'The Bachelorette' Says Goodbye To Tanner P., The Foot Fetish Guy

June 23rd, 2009 10:24am EDT
The Bachelorette
This is going to cover two episodes of "The Bachelorette", and each episode is two hours, so in the interest of not making this thing too long, we'll just hit the highest of highs and lowest of lows, mostly the ladder, of course.

Last Week:

- Michael, the breakdance instructor had a one-on-one date with Jillian which seemed to go well, she likes him, thinks he is funny, but there was no physical connection. One wonders why that is when they have so much in common and hit it off so well. Well, let's see, he's a flamboyant . . . dance instructor . . . who wears pink sweaters . . . Yea...
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'Bachelorette' Recap: A Nice Butt In Spandex, A Girlfriend Back Home & More

June 10th, 2009 9:19am EDT
The Bachelorette
Thirteen men remain for Jillian to choose from on "The Bachelorette," and all 13 packed their bags to fly out to Vancouver to see how Jillian lives. Based on what we have seen, Vancouver is probably a town where any one of them could have thrown a stone in any direction and hit someone with whom Jillian has swapped spit. Just don't point that out to her - more on that later. First, a few more highlights from this installment...

- Krypton, who kind of resembles an effeminate Steve Guttenberg, went on a one-on-one date with Jillian in which they engaged in the age old romantic Vancouv...
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'Bachelorette' Recap: A Western Porno, Unicorn & 'Cheese Ass'

June 2nd, 2009 11:44am EDT
The Bachelorette
On the latest episode of The Bachelorette, Ed from Chicago, a guy who seems pretty sane and normal, went on a helicopter ride in which they landed on a building and then zip lined down from it. Slowly. They said it was a romantic zip, but it looked equal parts boring and scary, if that's possible.

Then it was back to the Meathead Mansion where the group of guys were discussing the pattern of Jillian giving a rose to every guy with an individual date, and the boys were speculating that she doesn't have the heart to say no to any of these guys. It does seem that way . . .

Then s...
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Shirtless Men Vie For 'The Bachelorette's' Attention

May 27th, 2009 8:57am EDT
The Bachelorette
After dumping half of the men with little to no information to go on in episode one, Jillian of "The Bachelorette" was left with 20 more fellas, and whether they were break-dance instructors (are there enough people out there wanting to learn the worm?) or oil and gas consultants (is that a fancy way of saying Guy at the Counter of Jiffy Lube?) Regardless of their varying professions, they share one commonality: they're all in ridiculously good shape and spend a lot of their time shirtless, which is how they were spending the beginning of episode two, shirtless at a dude's only pool party. ...
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New 'Bachelorette' Is Really Nice, Deals With Foot Pervert, Horrible Country Song On First Ep

May 19th, 2009 9:14am EDT
The Bachelorette
Jillian, one of the finalists from the previous season of The Bachelor, is back in the new season of The Bachelorette.

What we have learned from episode one is that there is something odd about this gal: she's nice. This unique quality in a reality show participant is significant for two reasons: One, due to her approachable, fun, easy-going, and again, nice, personality, every one of these fellas thinks he has a shot with her. Two, as the previews unfold, it looks as if she is going to have a hard time letting these guys down, and there will be lots of crying on both ends of the r...
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'Big Love' Is Big On Multiple Wives - Are You?

February 19th, 2009 10:11am EST
Big Love
The men here at Starpulse just got caught up on HBO's Big Love, and we were saddened by one simple fact: polygamy does not appear to be all it's cracked up to be. Just to be sure, we weighed out the pros and the cons.

Let us know in the comment section if you still think polygamy is for you...

CONS:

1. It's Illegal

Because of this, Bill Paxton's character on the show, Bill Henrickson, has to keep his family a secret and stay one step ahead of the law. To this end, he has to buy all the wives their own houses, all next door to one another. Which leads us to our next m...
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Top 10 Artists Who An Aging Music Snob Can Start Admitting He/She Likes

January 27th, 2009 11:10am EST
Hall & Oates
When you're a music snob, you have a reputation to uphold. As such, you can't afford to be caught with God awful crappy discs in your collection, or can you? Suddenly, before you know it, you reach an age where you just don't care anymore - think one of your embarrassing aunts dancing to the YMCA at a wedding, looking like a fool, but having the time of her life. The following are some artists that even if you're an indie rocker with impeccable taste, there comes a time where you have to start admitting these guys are good.

Neil Diamond: The trick to this guy is hearing other people...
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Is It OK To Dislike Caddyshack?

January 5th, 2009 12:00pm EST
Caddyshack
Caddyshack isn't that good, and it's not very funny. If you're 9 out of 10 red blooded American men, that last sentence just infuriated you like I just made slanderous remarks about your grandmother. I've never met your grandmother, but I have seen Caddyshack - and it kind of sucks. My editors were quick to advise me that although they were giving me the go-ahead on this piece, they would have to include a bigger than usual disclaimer saying that the opinions expressed are solely that of Matthew J. Swanson. I'll tell you that right now, too: it is just my opinion, but it happens to be t...
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Review: Mixing 'Chinese Democracy' With Dr Pepper

December 5th, 2008 11:44am EST
Guns N Roses
We've waited 17 years for a full length album of new Guns N' Roses material, and this stretch of time was made all the more ridiculous after all the delays, firings, and apparent breakdowns by Axl Rose, the band's only remaining original member, and his ill-fated project: Chinese Democracy. As more and more time elapsed, as release dates were pushed back further-and-further, the expectations for this album became higher or lower, depending on how you look at it. Some might say that it couldn't possibly be good because Axl is totally off his rocker and has made simply putting out a rock n'...
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