Goofy Rock Names
Here at Starpulse, we would like to pay tribute to the individuals who have the courage to sign his/her checks, or introduce him/herself at a parent teacher conference with one of the below listed names.
10) The Edge: It's kind of a cool name when you think about it. Not Edge, but The Edge. However, it just doesn't fit the guy. Even when he was young, he wasn't cool or edgy in the slightest. Bono could have pulled that name off, since he was the good-looking, suave one. The Edge never talks, and he looks like a taxidermist. The Taxidermist could have been a good name, actually . . .
9) Flea: On the Red Hot Chili Peppers behind the music on VH1, there is a story about a couple of female fans who got backstage looking for anything that belonged to the band. One gal found the whitey-tighty underwear that Flea played an entire sweaty set in, and proceeded to ring the perspiration and God knows what else into her mouth. A guy named after a bug that makes dogs itch is strange and all, but does anyone have a nickname for that young lady? If so, leave it in the comments section.
8) Jeff "Skunk" Baxter: If you watch any rock and roll documentary long enough, you will see this guy with his handlebar mustache, headband, and see through guitar, talking about his days in the Doobie Brothers, Steely Dan, or just harking back to the glory days of rock in general. Starpulse was unable to ascertain how he got the nickname, but based on his tenure in a band called The Doobie Brothers, it may have had something to do with the quality of pharmaceutical contributions he brought to the jam sessions.
7) Meat Loaf: The cover to Meat Loaf's 1977, Bat Out of Hell album, which has gone onto sell over 30 million copies, depicts a shirtless, muscular man with long, cascading blond hair rocketing out of hell and into a graveyard on the back of his motorcycle. Pretty badass right? The music within the album couldn't sound anything less like what the title and cover would suggest. Meatloaf is an overweight guy named after something momma used to make who basically sang show tunes. Perhaps a less cool sounding album title would have been more in line with truth in advertising. How about Meatloaf: Fresh out of the Oven? Take out the guy on the bike and substitute Meat Loaf wearing an apron that says "kiss the cook," and proudly displaying a steaming meat loaf between his oven mitts, and you got yourself a more representative cover. Watch, now someone will steal that for the greatest hits compilation.
6) Ron "Pigpen" McKernan: If you want to negate all of your rock star, chick getting powers, take a page from this original Grateful Dead member, and take on the same name as the Peanuts character who was so dirty he had a dust cloud of dirt following him around.
5) Engelbert Humperdinck: Starpulse has just learned what you may already know, but this came as a shocker to us: Englebert Humperdinck is not his real name. It is a stage name. He made a conscious choice to change his name from the easily pronounceable Arnold Dorsey to the eye chart of a name Englebert Humperdinck. Oh, and Englebert, either the "c" or the "k" at the end, not both. Both is just redinckulous.
4) Chuck Bicuits: Born Charles Montgomery, Chuck has played drums for numerous successful bands like Black Flag, Circle Jerks, Descendents, and most notably, an extended drumming tenure in Danzig, Samhain, and other Glen Danzig projects, often playing along side a cat with another terrific name: John Christ. Chuck Biscuits was a great drummer, but his name sounds like a post dining experience in the parking lot of a Denny's. Would you believe his brother, who died in 1994, might have had an even less flattering name: Ken "Dimwit" Montgomery?
3) Snowy White: He played guitar for Thin Lizzy and Pink Floyd, and he basically had the least menacing name of any axman of all time. Name yourself something tough, Snowy, like Slash. Don't name yourself after a female cartoon character who sang "Some Day My Prince Will Come."
2) The Phlorescent Leech: Howard Kaylan and Mark Volman of the Turtles first started appearing on Frank Zappa's albums in 1970, but due to existing contracts from their Turtles days, they were unable to use their former band name or even their real names, if you can believe that. Howard opted for the name Eddie, while Mark thought it better to call himself The Phlorescent Leech, or Flo for short. Either they both should have went with normal names, or both should have went with off-the-wall names. Eddie kind of left The Phlorescent Leech out to dry with the second goofiest name of all time.
1) George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher: You won't find a corpsegrinder at Home Depot, but you will find one fronting death metal band Cannibal Corpse, singing lovely little ditties like "Blunt Force Castration" and "Devoured By Vermin." To George's credit, it's a well-chosen nickname, in that if you give any of his records a listen and brace yourself if you're prepared to do so, corpsgrinding is exactly what his voice sounds like.
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Story by Matthew Swanson
Starpulse contributing writer
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