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The Real Housewives Punta Cana Blues

Kristina Mondo Kristina Mondo
September 22nd, 2011 5:28pm EDT

It’s time to party and in Punta, Cana that is when the housewives head to the Dominican republic to try to resolve and get rid of some of the drama that has followed them during this season. They don’t have a chance; the drama will doesn’t and will never change between these ladies only the location.  The episode begins with the drama of packing and seeing how much luggage they can bring and have the plane still be light enough to take off.

 

At the Gorgas, Melissa is busying looking for her dental floss, I mean string bikini and other accessories that make her look more fablicious than her competitive older sister-in-law Teresa. While Joe “Porky” Gorga is more concerned about playing football on the beach especially touch football with his wife or trying to find another way to fondle exploit and degrade her as a sex object. Melissa tells Joe she just wants to have a good time and doesn’t want anything that gets nasty or competitive. Watch what you wish for Melissa doesn’t know what she’s in for. Melissa thinks that bringing everyone back to a place where they had such good memories will mend the family’s feud against one another. Joe is just concerned with smelling Melissa’s underwear in a gross display of his immaturity and classless behavior. At Teresa’s it seems like more of the same.

 

At The Guidice residence, Teresa is also getting ready for the trip. As usual Teresa can’t decide which of her hundreds of outfits to bring on the trip. She doesn’t know how to decide and can’t because she loves it all, especially her hats and accessories. Teresa is also playing mediator between her children and “scolds” Gia when she calls Milania stupid and tells Gia not to say that word it’s not nice. If that’s not the pot calling the kettle black I don’t know what is.  She tells the camera she wants to get along with Melissa and Kathy to set a good example for her daughters. We’ll see how long that lasts. Joe doesn’t seem to want to hear any of it, let alone be part of it. Joe tells Teresa he has no desire to see her brother and doesn’t give a crap about him.

 

At the Manzo’s all Caroline and her brood seem worried about is hoping that getting the Gorgas, Guidices and Wakiles together in Punta will remind them that they used to actually like each other and get along.   At the Laurita’s body image issues are ruling the roost.

 

In the Laurita household, Jacqueline and Chris are packing for the trip but Jacqueline is torn about what to wear especially when it comes to wearing a bathing suit because she feels inferior comparing herself to Melissa and Teresa’s body.  Jacqueline tells Caroline Ashley is not coming on the trip because she “ forgot” to get her passport in time. I think we all know that Jacqueline doesn’t want to deal with Ashley’s drama especially when she’ll probably have to listen to Teresa’s whimpering and whining. Caroline tells Jacqueline there’s a lot of things Jacqueline can do for Ashley but taking her passport picture is not one of them.

 

Meanwhile, at the Wakiles packing is a family affair when Kathy’s mom helps her pack. They discuss about there last time in Punta Cana together where everyone was actually getting along. Kathy tells the camera she hopes that Teresa starts to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around her it’s not always about her and not everyone is out to get her.

 

All the women except for Caroline say goodbye to their kids and get ready for a vacation that will hopefully repair past wrongs and misunderstandings.  Upon arrival in Punta Cana, Teresa’s dramatics are in full swing when she loses one of her many bags with her all important “costume” jewelry and drones on and on about it. Teresa then calls home to check on the girls and tells her mother to pray to St. Anthony to find their bags. On the way to the hotel, Joe tells the driver to make a pit stop so the caravan stops and the all the guys decide to christen the ground by peeing on it. Melissa says it best “ everyone can tell your from Jersey it’s so obvious.

 

When the group arrives at the resort they retreat to their respective villas The Boys and Lauren share a villa, The Manzo/Lauritas and Guidices in another with the Gorgas and Wakiles sharing the last one.  The gang is both surprised and happy to be greeted with champagne and a catered lunch. In the Boys villa, Lauren fights with her brothers about getting the best room and ultimately wins since she is the only girl leaving Albie and Chris to share a room.

 

Melissa and the rest of the wives are busy taking in the beauty and unpacking. Melissa tells the camera that she just hopes Teresa gets that devil off her shoulder and starts listening to the angel telling her to make nice. She hopes Teresa will leave the cattiness aside for the trip so they can all get along.

 

The next day, The Manzo brothers bring the group on a catamaran trip they planned in an effort to do something fun with everyone.  However, Caroline decided to skip the trip when a migraine triggered by Teresa and her dramatics makes her glad she won’t be on the boat even though she’ll miss the beauty and sunshine. While Caroline pulls the covers over her head, Teresa is performs a fashion show of all the bathing suits she brought. Melissa and Teresa both agree they need a photo shoot before getting on the boat. Jacqueline’s insecurities kick in she covers herself up with a cover-up and tells Lauren she doesn’t want to sit next Melissa on the boat because she doesn’t feel confident with her own body. She tells the camera that being between Melissa and Teresa feels like being the middle of a double stuff Oreo.  Itching to get their competitive streak underway, Joe and Melissa decide to have a dance contest on the boat against Joe and Teresa.  The fun continues when Albie and Chris introduce the group to a drinking game called “ La Cuchuaraca” with a battery operated bug and the fun and chaos begins as the group starts taking shots of rum. The men decide to cool off in the water, where they decide to chicken fight.  The competitiveness between the two Joes is ignited once when the two fight each other. Joe Guidice ends up pushing Joe Gorga in the water and hopefully this is as far as the fighting will go on the trip.

 

After the boat trip the Jersey crew arrives on a private beach, where everyone goes in search of the bathroom for different reasons.  The girls use to fix their make up and freshen up; the boys do their business while Joe and Melissa use it for a quickie.

 

Once settled on the beach the gang begins chatting and small talk where Joe and Teresa tell Rich their plans to open up a restaurant. Rich tells them the advice that Albert gave them and Joe says he disagrees and that the Brownstone doesn’t run the same way as a restaurant.  Albert says it is the same thing and that the two shouldn’t open up a restaurant just because people like Teresa’s cookbooks. Rich tells Joe and Teresa that after their talk with Albert he and Kathy have decided to stick with catering. Kathy tells Teresa she doesn’t want to open a restaurant because it will take too much time away from her kids but wishes Teresa and Joe luck in their endeavors.  Teresa immediately takes it the wrong way and goes on the attack. Teresa tells Kathy she wants to know why Kathy even brought up the kids after her comments about the christening and the craziness at the Posche fashion show.  Teresa then goes on to bring up all the problems and hurt Kathy has caused her and when Kathy tries to say her peace Teresa won’t let her get a word in.  Teresa says they are on vacation and she doesn’t want to discuss it.  Finally, the group tells Joe to end it between them just as Teresa says she will let Kathy say her peace he tells them both to shut up and whisks Teresa away.

 

A short while later, Joe and Melissa arrive back from their bathroom escapade to realize they missed the fireworks between Kathy and Teresa but the group fills them in.  Kathy thinks Teresa is delusional, she never said anything about Teresa’s mothering skills she thinks Teresa is a good mother and didn’t say anything to the contrary. Joe tries to get Albert’s take on the drama saying he doesn’t want to have to deal with drama all the time.  The group tells Kathy she has nothing to apologize for, meanwhile Joe and Teresa are rehashing the argument yet again and Teresa says that Kathy is implying that she’s not a good mother and that Kathy thinks she’s a better mother than Teresa.

 

Tune in this Sunday, to see if Kathy and Teresa kiss and make up or if their feud is reignited and Melissa performs her new song.