Dear Speidi,

The time has come - your 15 minutes of fame are officially up. You can now join the rest of the reality TV has-beens that are competing in game shows on network television and then fading into obscurity. Perhaps you have already done this? If that's the case then stop reading now.

Heidi:

You cannot sing, period. The screeching and writhing around in a bikini that we see you so often doing in your music videos (who are we kidding, EVERY music video) reminds us of a bad porn movie. However, if the goal was to show off the chest that you bought and your fabulous nose job - goal accomplished. Also, the religious quotes that frequently come out of your mouth get cancelled out when you pose for Playboy Magazine. WWJD? Our guess is that he wouldn't pose nude for the world to see.

Put on some clothes, take out the hair extensions, get rid of the dead in the soul eyes, and ditch that brainwasher you call your husband. There might be hope for you yet, we saw you pre-Speidi on The Hills and we actually liked you.

Image © Albert L. Ortega / PR Photos

Spencer:

There's almost no words for you, just please go away. The pictures of the staged egg hunts, presidential campaigning, vacationing, restaurant openings (if Taco Bell counts?), multiple real/fake weddings, lunch dates, is all too much for us to handle. Do you have the paparazzi on speed dial? Are you paying them? There must be some kind of deal worked out here and if anyone knows what it is please let us know so we can sabotage it.

Also, do you have a real job? We mean besides following Heidi around on beach vacations with a video recorder (see above "music videos"), torturing your in-laws, and being evil to your sister/friends/everyone.

It's no wonder that your family (minus She-Pratt) wouldn't be filmed for "The Hills" - we wouldn't claim you either. Especially not on national television!

So in closing, Speidi, please just go away.

xx,


Kristen Schoels

Starpulse contributing writer

P.S. If the nickname of "shameless attention seeking famewhores" is already taken, let us know and we will think of a new one for you.

Image © Albert L. Ortega / PR Photos