It's a new year, and it's time to dump the Top Ten lists and look forward to the things we hope to see in the near future. What do we want to see more of? What do we want to see end? Who do we want to see naked? The questions are endless, so here goes:
I hope Megan Fox
reconsiders her "no nudity on camera" stance. Halle Berry
showed frontal in Swordfish
, then did an explicit sex scene in Monster's Ball
, and then she got an Oscar. Just saying.
I hope Lost
doesn't fall into its disturbingly common habit of making absolutely no sense for episodes at a time. I also hope the finale is revealing enough to make sticking through 6 seasons worth it.
I hope Rihanna
fixes her hair. I don't know what she did to it, but she needs to undo it fast. My reaction to seeing her has suddenly gone from "Do you want to see my bed" to "Yeah, alright, I guess if there's nothing on."
Image © Albert L. Ortega / PR Photos
I hope the whole Twilight
love-fest ends quickly, ingloriously, and with plenty of disappointment. Aside from the fact that the movies are just plain boring, there is no intelligent person on this planet who could believe Robert Pattinson
and Kristen Stewart
as high schoolers. They both look to be pushing 30. Robert Pattinson looks older than his movie dad. Seriously, who cast this thing?
I hope 24
keeps the momentum it picked up in Season 7, and doesn't regress back to the lows of seasons 3-6. And yes, I know it's become formulaic at this point, but there's only so many ways that a terrorist can throw a wrench into the government machine. As long as it's executed well, I really don't mind. That is, unless they try to bring someone else back from the dead. I put up with it once, but twice might be pushing it.
I hope Lady Gaga
takes a break. Seriously, I like her music, but it's all just too much now. I need a few weeks without seeing a ridiculous hat, a mummy-looking dress, or a cabaret mask. I need to be able to go through one day without hearing a transvestite rumor. I'm tired of hearing about girl-on-girl affairs. When a straight man is no longer interested in the lesbian escapades of a fairly attractive woman, the market is officially oversaturated. Take a week off.
Image © Janet Mayer / PR Photos
I hope Michael Cera
becomes the new face of Hollywood comedies. I hope he takes over the slot currently held by bad Robin Williams
movies, boring Adam Sandler
movies, predictable Vince Vaughn
movies, and flat-out retarded Wayans Brothers movies.
I hope American Idol
I hope I'm wrong when I say that Taylor Swift
has nowhere to go but down. How is she going to top 2009? If I were her, I'd hire Kanye to go off again at the People's Choice Awards, the Grammy's, hell, even YouTube. He's the best publicist she's ever had.
I hope Abe Vigoda
makes it through another year.
Image © Sylvain Gaboury / PR Photos
I hope people realize that George Lopez
and Chelsea Handler
simply aren't funny anymore. At the same time, I hope people realize how funny Joel McHale
and Conan O'Brien
I hope we get a good Michael-Jackson-is-really-alive-and-living-on-a-ranch-in-Ontario/New Zealand/the moon conspiracy. Don't get me wrong, I like Elvis and Tupac, but it's time to get a new name in the mix.
I hope wrestlers stop making movies. Yes, it kind-of worked for Dwayne "The Rock
" Johnson, but looking at his last few movies (Get Smart
, Race to Witch Mountain
, Tooth Fairy), it obviously didn't work that well. Still, Johnson's semi-success is used to justify the production of abominations like The Condemned
, The Marine
, and (God help us all) The Marine 2, which will do more to sully the name of our armed forces than Abu Ghraib.
I hope Hulu.com finds a way to stay free.
I hope T.I.
takes back his rightful place among the Jay-Z
's and Lil Wayne
's of the world.
I hope George Clooney
diversifies his portfolio a little bit. He's an alright actor, but he plays essentially the same character 90% of the time, which makes him the dramatic equivalent of Will Ferrell
. And I think we can all agree, no one wants to be the anything equivalent of Will Ferrell. It's no accident that the phrase "He/she is the Will Ferrell of _______" has never been uttered as a compliment.
I hope Saturday Night Live
finds a way to be funny again. Even if it means firing the whole cast starting from scratch. When I watch SNL and think This would be better with Chris Kattan
, it's time to take drastic action.
I hope Lupe Fiasco
I hope Sacha Baron Cohen
can create more characters for the big screen. Even if he never manages to top Borat
, it would be a shame if he fizzled out as a two-hit wonder.
I hope Dave Chappelle
Image © Comedy Central
I hope The Real World
and any reality show inspired by it dies a loud and painful death. It's no longer clever to depict people living. Reality television needs to go beyond that. And by "beyond that," I don't mean moving the show to Jersey. Who the hell thought Jersey Shore would be a good idea? Like I didn't already want to firebomb Jersey just because, now I can actually see what would get blown up and think, Yeah, it would be an improvement.
Story by Jose Flores
Starpulse contributing writer