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King Willard Doesn't Like Big Bird

John Sammon John Sammon
10/5/2012 4:36pm EDT

Corporate King Willard Romney the First and his conglomerate cronies are crowing because they think King Willard won the debate with Obama.

I’m not a rabid fan of Obama.

But let’s get one thing straight. If they, the Corporate Police State Drone-Launching New World Order Neo-Cons, many of whom consider Romney too liberal, can describe his performance as “dominating” Obama, I can describe Obama’s performance as “admirable restrained restraint.”

What’s ironic is that what conservatives tout about Romney’s debate performance are the very same things I despise about the man. He’s a schoolyard bully grown up.

King Romney’s domination is no doubt what we will see in his foreign policy if he’s elected president. He will tell other countries, “When I want your opinion I’ll give it ya,’” and “When I tell you to jump, you ask, how high?”

Do the American people want a corporate fascist dungeon master for president?

Remember the Little Rascals (Our Gang) comedies of the 1930s, Spanky and the rest? Willard is Butch the Bully, Obama is Alfalfa and moderator Jim Lehrer is little Porky. During the debate Romney continually interrupted Lehrer, who appeared to lose control of the proceedings.

Porky hid behind Alfalfa.

Remember, Romney is the same guy who once terrorized a fellow student who was gay and described him as a “queer.” King Willard is also the same guy who strapped his dog to the top of his car like a surfboard.

While Romney’s father was a potentate ruling Michigan, Obama’s was being refused a sandwich at a segregated lunch counter. This is maybe the reason for Obama’s subdued performance, in that he didn’t want to come off looking and sounding like a stereotypical “angry black man.” Anyone who hasn’t personally experienced discrimination shouldn’t rush to discount the impact of this past baggage.

I’m not going to defend Obama or his debating skills. However, when Romney attacked Big Bird----that’s too much!

I will defend Big Bird.

King Willard the Cruel doesn’t like Big Bird, that giant yellow canary beloved by millions of children, who taught them (along with other characters) everything from basic letters to values.

Here’s how it happened. King Romney, after calling 47 percent of Americans losers, knew he needed to reinvent himself. He crammed like an overachieving college kid, and we all admire hard work, flip-flopping from prior stances and statements he knew hadn’t sold well with the public.

For example, his 47 percent remark he originally said was stated “in-elegantly,” and after realizing it had caused him real damage, is now saying it was “totally wrong.” He’s truly a man for all excuse reasons.

I never said this guy was dumb.

He also memorized zingers, clever statements that sound good like a TV commercial, but lack substance and heartfelt earnestness. Romney is as slippery as an eel, and I admire skill—any skill---even dishonesty.

But King Willard always has a way of leaving a bad taste. I could have told him, King Willard, you’re memorizing an attack on Public Broadcast Service (PBS), which has been a target among right-wing nuts for years because they don’t control it, and they don’t like what they claim is its bias, and because it’s public funded.

King Willard has no reservations about spending billions on doomsday weapons, but wants to trash PBS, whose budget is a fraction of a fraction of the country’s expenditure.

Even though PBS is the only alternative to commercial TV, whose mindless programming, sexual innuendo and car chases, reflects the bias and values of the Petro-Chemical, Conglomerate Roman Empire-type police state with its Constitution-stripping Patriot Act and high-tech drones spying on average citizens.

Go ahead and attack PBS, but don’t savage a child’s icon. That’s like saying Mickey Mouse is a liberal socialist traitor. When you say that, you’re not only insulting the children who watch the show, but their parents as well. What’s more, you’ve given Obama and numerous comedians fodder to ridicule you.

You want to eliminate Big Bird?

Big Bird is a good target. He has a high voice, like one of the homos King Willard used to pick on. He prances around with feathers—clearly a gay fairy. Probably a communist terrorist subversive. He’s on PBS. What more do you need?

You see, as I’ve said, King Willard doesn’t understand humor, because he’s a ruthless conniving moneygrubber who never once in his life had a thought other than “advance number one.” Cleverness and zinger statements are not humor. He doesn’t understand the basic premise that self-disparagement is always more charming than mocking a child’s TV show.

Don’t zing Big Bird. Don’t even go there. There’s no reason for it other than the mistaken belief you think it’s funny. When you try to be funny, because you’re not, you take a big risk.

You’re much better being a bully for people who admire that sort of thing.

If the debate exposed anything---it was once again Romney’s ingrained subconscious to go after the weak---as the schoolyard bully---by selecting a children’s character as a symbol of disparagement.

I think anyone who values rudeness and dominance in a candidate might look inward and seek anger management and self-esteem counseling for themselves.






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