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‘True Blood’ Season 7 Episode 9 Recap: Suicidal Toddlers

J. Harvey J. Harvey
August 18th, 2014 2:02pm EDT
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TB Eric Sookie

Previously - Hoyt and Jessica re-connected. Eric used Sarah Newlin to cure himself of Hep-V. Vampire Bill Compton inspired a Bon Temps-wide eyeroll when he refused to take the cure.

Ah, it’s the penultimate episode of this epic vampire saga. "Love Is To Die" was sort of necessary but somewhat low-key, obviously intended to clear the decks of all of our secondary characters’ needs, wants, and problems. It also gave Eric some time to show some depth beyond “I’m going to eat Sarah Newlin's face!!” and displaying airbrushed disease veins.

As often happens on True Blood, we start off where we last left off - the dungeon underneath Fangtasia. Bill just turned his nose up at curing his previously incurable disease and Jessica and Sookie are irritated. Jess is so wrought that she drops the c-bomb in reference to Sarah Newlin and she must really be sore over that vamp-camp attempted rape deal because that’s so unlike our ginger flower. Oh wait, she was also almost raped by a red-hot dildo poker last episode. It can make you edgy. 

Sookie slaps Bill a couple of times, and tells his ass off. She goes to slap him a third time and boos ensues across True Blood-land when Eric stops her. He means well and is probably just afraid that Hep-V has made Bill so weak that his head will fly off with the force of fairy slaps and damage some of the deviant sexin' equipment. Jessica gets passive-aggressive and asks Bill to release her. Ms. Hamby then has the temerity to act all devastated when he calls her bluff and does so, telling her how proud he is to be her vamp-dad. This is a touching moment and we know this because Pam’s cheek moved a little. She even moves to embrace Jess as Bill leaves. Sookie collapses on ole' reliable Eric.  Eric, you are more than allowed to go "ugh, no." and push her off at this point. Does anyone else like Eric and Pam better when they’re sucking on arteries and demolishing everyone around them with snark?

Did they ever explain why Sookie felt the need to deal with the revelation that her one true love has opted for death over her by heading over to Sam Merlotte’s trailer? There are far more pleasant refuges for her griief.  And what is with the men in Bon Temps and their taste in furniture? Do Sam and Jason Stackhouse both shop at the same Benny and Phly’s? I mean the one from 1976. If I was a Louisianan, I would totally send an angry letter. They're making Southern gentleman look like total mullets when it comes to home decor. Unless you're a vampire. God, is that wood paneling? Anyway, Sam Merlotte is the epitome of underappreciated. Christ, at least Tara got to wear a flattering ghost dress. Sam gets a FLASHBACK EXIT. He's off to Chicago with what's her name but left a letter for Sookie. Did Arlene get one, too? Damn, Arlene actually talked to him this season as opposed to Sook. She just treated his lanky ass like a doormat!  Bye, Sam. You were underutilized. 

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Photo Credits: HBO